I know, I know. After reading the first clause of that title, the manosphere just keeled over faster than you can say “Trigglypuff.” But bare with me; there is a method to this writer’s madness (I am Canadian, after all, so I have built-in credibility on this matter!).
Neomasculinity teaches men, rightfully, to rid that dreadful, disyllabic admission of guilt—“sorry”—from their vocabulary. And 95% of the time, being shamelessly unapologetic is the proper conduct when dealing with women in your life.
“Sorry” typically conveys self-inflicted shame and insecurity for our biologically-driven actions or power structures that exist outside of our control. While feminists appear to want this from men—to claim responsibility for the “oppressive” Patriarchy and grovel in, yes, sorries—the reality is feminists are subconsciously begging men to scoff at their bullshit—respectfully—and lead them out of Plato’s Cave with confidence.
But men must, of course, be logical. Logical not only in a political, philosophical, or scientific sense, but moral as well. Alpha males intuitively understand that to attract women (and in many other aspects of life), you have to take risks, demonstrate persistence, and exude confidence, all while showing a deep emotional intelligence for their feelings. Without the later, unchecked confidence makes you a “douche” and unchecked persistence renders you “creepy.”
Occasionally, it can be a fine line.
However, there are times when you cross that line and your moral instincts kick in, alerting you of this infringement. You made a mistake, you hurt someone (ideally someone you care about), and it is time to own up to your actions (assuming this person is not trying to bully you into this ownership). At this point, apologizing is not about submitting to SJW pressure, but accepting personal responsibility—a quality all decent men must possess.
So you have decided you owe someone—in this case, a woman—an apology. How do you go about this without coming off like a contrite chump or self-flagellating sop? Is it possible to apologize from a position of strength? Is it achievable to say—here goes—sorry without drawing attention to the fact that you are, indeed, apologizing. The answer is yes, yes, and of course. Here are five ways to apologize with moral integrity and a sense of justice.
1. The Conditional Apology
Personally, I use this one a lot. It is typically employed when you have done something that you stand by, but can reasonably understand why a woman would be hurt by your actions (for example: you hit on or pick up her (hotter) best friend while she stands next to you at the bar). When confronted, you apologize conditionally, meaning you specify the terms of your apology.
This way you’re conveying that you understand the intent and consequences of your actions, and while you respect the woman’s feelings in response to your actions, you would do whatever you did again and again and again because you abide by your own set of principles, even if they happen to conflict with her feelings. I have done this many times and it has never failed. The girl always comes back.
2. The Proactive Apology
Women tend to dismiss this apology at face value, but deep down I think they respect it. The Proactive Apology is issued when a female comes to you with a problem or you make an honest mistake (for example: you’re late for a date as you had to finish a paid assignment), typically in hopes of getting the full attention and sympathy betas have given her in recent past.
Here, it is perfectly reasonable to say “sorry,” but you follow-up with a solution. You offer the woman recourse to her distress with a practical alternative. For instance, you see your date on the park bench and you are fifteen minutes late, so you say: “Hey, sorry I’m late, had to finish this project that’s due tomorrow—hey, I know a good taco shop two blocks over, you hungry?”
Here, the apology indicates you have social awareness about your lateness, but the follow-up further demonstrates that you are always thinking two steps ahead of your stumbles. From here, she may internalize her anger, but will in time, if not straight away, begin to admire your unflappable initiative and ability for proactive thinking.
3. The Playful Apology
Donald Trump said it best to Megyn Kelly: “Oooh, excuse me.” Trump has said some crass things about the female anatomy, for sure. He is a bit of a dick—and he knows that—but when The Donald gets his hand caught in the cookie jar, he acknowledges it (and still keeps the cookie).
A Playful Apology, shown in the clip below (at 18:48), should be deployed when you have been caught doing something kind of cheeky or prankish; but since you are a moral person at heart, you can accept responsibility for the mischief. With a twist. Your apology plays down the gravity of your “misdeed,” while maintaining the charm inherent in your personality.
The apology’s playful tone is congruent to your personality and rascally actions. That congruence makes the apology earnest and authentic, which women will respect. That said, you should not use the Playful Apology if you have truly done something terrible (say, accidentally drive over your girlfriend’s puppy) as this apology is intended to take the sting out of your wrongdoing and bring levity to a situation that calls for it.
4. The Unapologetic Apology
We all know it. It’s the apology in disguise, one that acknowledges your misstep without dwelling on the admission. The Unapologetic Apology is best implemented in the mild to moderate moments of error, from bumping into a woman at the store to questioning her decision to chop off chunks of her hair when, in fact, she has a hair loss condition.
The Unapologetic Apology usually springs from the “honest mistake,” where you may have misjudged or misbehaved so you address the lapse in judgment and casually move forward. You can push the faux pas aside with a nonchalant “my mistake” or “pardon me” or “I meant no offense” and let it roll off your back. Simple, direct and effective.
5. The Genuine Apology
You fucked up. You made a bad joke about your girlfriend’s ailing grandmother (that was genuinely funny, just ill-timed) or your women is enduring a 100% real, human hardship (that very same ailing grandmother you derided—you asshole—just passed) that isn’t puffed up with pointless girl drama.
This is the moment when your voice drops, your palms open, you meet her eyes while focusing on her nasal bridge, and utter that rueful word god gave us. The genuine apology is typically reserved for the women you deeply care about, because you respect their feelings even if half the time those feelings are in direct conflict with any sense of logic.
We all make mistakes, but it is when we realize and aim to correct them that we set ourselves apart from the fools. Here, saying “sorry” is not a form of supplication, but of your heightened moral awareness. To say the words shows empathy, which women do respect provided it comes from a genuine part of your character and isn’t merely conceded in an attempt to win back her favour.
“Sorry” if necessary, but not necessarily “sorry”
As we well know, most of our communication is done non-verbally, implied via tonality and body language. Words matter only in a vacuum; what matters most is their underlying meaning and the temper in which they’re delivered. While “sorry” has become a cringe word in the manosphere, it really has no damaging impact so long as it is used with dignity and purpose.
Sometimes a simple “sorry” (or “oooh, excuse me”) is a pithy way of demonstrating self-awareness and conscience, not nervousness or insecurity. It takes a wise, intuitive man to grasp the difference and exercise the former when necessary. Apologies are not about being accepted, but when they are acceptable.
Read More: 3 Ways To Stop Being A Little Bitch