Police investigations, judicial processes, and the court of public opinion are not only geared towards falsely convicting men, taking their kids away, or financially eviscerating them through divorce. They also meticulously seek to emotionally destroy men before any verdict or decision is handed down. Proper evidence is almost always an arcane concept in these situations. The proof you need for anything close to a neutral outcome needs to be much higher than what the system says is necessary. By contrast, all your ex-wife, the mother of your child, or some crazy false accuser needs is some tears, a set of feminist backers, and words from her mouth.
I hate to break it to you, but in divorce cases, child custody disputes, and scenarios involving false rape accusations, you are close to completely on your own. Certain friends may come to your aid, but if they stick too close and defend you too vociferously, their own careers, livelihoods and even safety will be at risk. Yet women who have been outed as undeniable liars, like Lucy DeCoutere in the Jian Ghomeshi case, can always count on strong support. The onus is on you to be prepared for any malicious mudslinging that comes your way. You must have a backup plan and means of counterattacking standard issue female lies.
Your education continues today. Avoid the below steps at your own peril.
1. Film or document her drug or other substance abuse
There are two main ways to approach this. The first is to call her a drug user from the very beginning of whatever proceedings you find yourself in. So, using this path, you would immediately show the evidence you have. Or secondly, you can make the accusation at the start or wait a while to make it, but leave the evidence until she denies having used drugs.
This latter angle is usually best, as it incontrovertibly outs her as both a substance abuser and a liar. In many cases, she will have committed the criminal offence of perjury through such lying. Women usually escape prosecution for perjury, as so many thrown-out “sexual assault” cases prove, yet her established lack of credibility may mean the difference between you seeing your kids or not, going to jail for a rape you did not commit or remaining free, or getting a favorable divorce settlement (for men) in lieu of being taken to the cleaners. She should face negative consequences for perjury, but the idea here is to get the best possible outcome you can in an environment that deliberate targets you.
For obvious reasons, it is preferable that you have film footage showing drug use or something similar, instead of just photos. Oftentimes there are laws that prevent filming people without their consent. You might be treated more leniently if she’s snorting coke around her or someone else’s children and you’re trying to put a stop to it, but be wary. However tempting, do not make yourself a martyr. You can also exploit text messages, emails and other communications from her that reveal she is doing or did drugs. Pretend to act as a trusted confidante when she texts you about having driven drunk, doing lines at a club, or suffering from alcoholism.
If the relationship with your girl is already solid, you should still be doing this anyway. Half of you have fathers who had “solid” marriages at one time. Then marital problems came along, which frequently include the substance abuse of one partner, and the facade imploded. It is imperative that you constantly vet your woman, if only for the purposes of nipping any bad habits in the bud. Most of all, fathers should keep their children away from drug-addicted mothers. The courts will sometimes be very reluctant to do so, remember.
Plus, feelings change, whether yours or hers. If you eventually find someone better, you want every excuse to be able to excise yourself from the union and feast on greener pastures, the ones you deserve. Start accumulating stocks of documentable information for that possibility, regardless of how happy you are now. It also serves as an insurance policy for you if she leaves first or you are suddenly forced to leave her for something she has done. Readers in fault-based divorce jurisdictions should be particularly enthusiastic about these opportunities.
2. Keep copies of any sordid sexual revelations about her or “disgusting” fantasies
Whilst sexting, has a girl ever begged you to bruise her next time you see each other? Demanded that you pound her senseless with “no mercy”? Particularly if you are falsely accused of rape, such evidence, when retained, could be a godsend. The dilemma falsely accused men often face is that they have engaged in very rough but consensual sex with their partners. The traces of this behavior, bruises, rashes and other visible marks, are then used against the man to prove the woman’s made-up allegation. Do not fall into the trap of complacency. Always keep copies of such revelations. They may save you.
Many jurisdictions around the world have so-called “rape shield” laws, which render a woman’s broader sexual history with other men inadmissible during prosecutions for rape. Though strange, considering that the accused’s sexual history is usually fair game, these provisions do vary. Usually though, because a false rape accusations concerns the relationship between you and the false accuser, your long-term history with her will indeed be admissible in a court. To boot, because there is almost always no evidence against men, most accusations are played out in public. Ridiculous “rape shield” laws will not apply in court of public opinion trials. You will be able to try and defend yourself with text messages and other things that you have documented.
Like with documenting any drug or other substance abuse problems she has, your ideal option may be to lure her into denying what you say (but have not proven yet with texts or other evidence). This can get a little complicated, notably when police and/or lawyers become involved. But it is possible and frequently advisable to take such an approach. Revenge porn provisions prevent you from disseminating her nude photos, and I heartily recommend you never ever do so, but they can be powerful pieces of evidence to share with authorities, especially if she thinks you have deleted or forgotten about them. Their importance is only amplified the kinkier they are.
A large percentage of women do have rape fantasies. In addition to these overt desires, a whole generation (or two) of women have been able to express their suppressed longings for dominance and mistreatment at the hands of men via Fifty Shades of Grey. Even in our deleterious world of “listen and believe,” a girl making rape accusations after having asked her boyfriend or lover to carry out fetishes resembling it is far less likely to be believed. If the fetishes and general behaviors are sordid enough, you may find her sexual proclivities are so lurid they can be used as ammunition in child custody and divorce cases, too.
3. Have access to any proof of other crimes or serious moral failings, particularly in relation to her work
You might be surprised at how many women admit to their partners or bed sharers about criminal or other immoral acts they have committed outside of substance abuse. Girls I know have even gone so far as to text or email me about the time they stole from their employer. One wrote to me about how she put laxatives in a co-worker’s coffee, to the point where this work rival required time away from the office. Most of the time I never think about them, but they’re always there in my unconscious.
Learning these damaging facts about girls should not be your priority only when things get bad or when you suspect they eventually will. Even when your relationship, whether romantic or purely sexual, is going well, knowing her secrets is a powerful tool for getting what you want. A girl with more to lose from upsetting you is generally more pliable. Fundamentally, knowing some of the worst elements about women and their histories empowers you to make choices about whether you want to remain with them.
If you have heard her admission only in face-to-face conversations, there are ways for you to get her to admit it in documentable ways a second time. Conversation leading like “Remember that time you told me you stole money from Dave’s shop?” can work wonders in having her divulge in detail again what occurred, or at least have her admit it casually. Make up some reasonable excuse for having raised the topic, like seeing someone else steal from their employer and how it made you laugh about the cheekiness of it. Be creative, as your girl’s secrets may be drastically different than this example.
This recommendation may seem difficult at first. Many of you will likely struggle to find something serious to keep in the wings for a time it can be used against her. Most of the time, this is a good thing. Because of this, your girl is probably less likely to cause you the kind of trouble that would cause a hard-hitting divorce lawyer to be hired, an acrimonious child custody war, or a trial based on a mendacious false rape accusation. But keep your eyes totally open. What appears to be a saintly girl can easily become a viper you need to socially throttle fast.
4. Keep records of any financial agreements between you both and have multiple instances of her consenting to them
Some time ago I wrote a piece about protecting yourself financially from women. This should concern all men, not just those who are married. Nevertheless, married men have the most to lose from not having long trails about how money was used with the woman in their life. The prescriptions in that earlier article of mine are valid here, too.
Be sure to firmly lay out your expectations when paying for things. What you need to do is usually very simple. For example, if you paid for European holidays with your credit card and she’s paying half of the sum to you later, shoot her an email when you’re away from her with what you did. Itemize it. The most important thing is to keep everything for posterity, not merely for the next six months. I sincerely doubt that most of you would allow a girl to break multiple financial commitments in a row. The principal concern is rather what a judge will say in five to ten years’ time if either divorce or a child custody dispute ensues. Have proof that you did not simply bankroll her and that she does not deserve more than a penny from you.
If you send cash to her during your relationship, wherever possible label it as a loan using online banking or Paypal. Then insist that she pay back any money owed later electronically with phrases like “Repayment to John.” Often this phrase will appear on your own banking statement when the money arrives to you.
Once habitualized, these procedures take nothing but seconds. And, again, they are a powerful means of throwing doubt into a woman’s already evidence-lacking accusations against you. Women like Kesha have already been outed for making false rape accusations at the exact same time they wanted out of a commercial agreement. Normal women are capable of identical behavior regarding false accusations, or in divorce and child custody cases. If you can show that there is a powerful incentive for her to lie or want to get money from you (i.e. to avoid paying you money), you are more likely to believed and escape with less damage to both your reputation and wallet.
One instance of her agreeing to financial commitments may not be enough. She could easily say an agreement or habitual patterns of spending were changed verbally. Be sure to remind her or thank her for repayments or something similar in documentable ways. “Thanks for paying part of the money back, Babe” is so simple that you have no excuse for not sending something like it. Have contingency plans for when things go either well or badly. So long as the paper and digital trails you have are long enough, you can mitigate any financial and person damages wrought by false rape accusations, divorce proceedings, or child custody wars. Yes, in the end you may suffer more than you should have from some female-related ordeal. This is still much better than losing badly.
If the shit hit the fan tomorrow, how prepared would you be?
This is the litmus test every man needs to take. If you are thoroughly unready for a bitter female-precipitated slugging match, start getting ready today. You can still deeply enjoy your life whilst being realistic about a woman’s ability to cause trouble for you. In fact, once you pull down the veil of femininity, many of the frustrations and angers that used to paralyze you disappear. You do not expect women to be the kind creatures they like to be seen as. Instead, you see them as human beings who, in the right circumstances, can be managed to serve your interests.
Women try to manipulate men, so why not manage them back?