Some navel gazing
Could you please define a definition of Game? What is Game really? A system, a structure, strategy or maybe an ideology?
This is an interesting question. I believe the definition of game both varies from person to person and is particular to an individual. Since we all come from different backgrounds, starting points, and have different goals it is hard to define is as an absolute thing.
For me, game is initially a skill that you learn that eventually becomes second nature to you. It’s also partly a realization that things are not what you thought they were, and that you must adjust yourself to the actual realities of the world.
It’s knowing when to react, and when to be nonreactive. For example, if she starts accusing you of something you grab and kiss her to shut her up (reactive), and conversely if she mentions she had a threesome you casually ask her to pass the salt (nonreactive). it’s also realizing that you can get away with a lot more than you think. You know when to touch, how to touch, where to touch. It’s a tool that eviscerates the idea that “I’ll never have sex again” because you can, and will, have sex rather often.
Think of it as learning to drive a manual transmission. At first, you can barely move the car. You are terrified. You keep stalling every few minutes. Slowly you learn how to drive straight lines, but struggle to fully grasp it as you have difficulty up hills and with parking and other tasks. Eventually you get better and can do a full drive without fucking up. Then you actually become good at it – you downshift going into corners because you can. You start from a stop on 2nd gear as opposed to first, because you know the clutch so well you can time it just right as opposed to a beginner who could never do that. Once in a blue moon you will still stall out, but overall it has become second nature to you. That even when you get back into an automatic transmission, you still rest your hand on the gear knob because that’s just what you are used to.
If you apply that analogy to game, at first you are terrible with interactions with females. You are terrified to approach. When you do, you stall out and the conversations go nowhere. Eventually you learn how to engage girls and get numbers, but can’t fully close. Then you become good at it – get some bangs in. You start pushing yourself by doing things you wouldn’t have done in the beginning. You get to a point where you are advanced, skipping steps. You still fuck up here and there (stall), but eventually when you meet a girl you just start gaming her without realizing it. It becomes a part of who you are, instead of an idea of concept you are trying to use.
– Law Dogger
Game is a set of social skills that permit you to become sexually intimate with women. But who gives a shit what the definition of game is? What is this, Aristotle’s “Categories”? You already know what it is. As Theolonius Monk once said when asked to define jazz: If you got to ask what it is, you’ll never get to know.
“I’m back together with an estranged gf of 11 years…you think I should ride with her? I’m quite certain she rode the carosel in those years… I honestly don’t give a fuck about her and her shit though, but sometimes I do feel like she’s the one who got away…
First off, you state in the same sentence that you don’t give a fuck about this girl yet she is the one that got away. So currently you yourself have no idea what you think of her. Second, without providing more detail there is no way for me to give a viable answer. What makes her “the one who got away?” More importantly, it is hard to believe nobody in 11 years has tickled your fancy in the same way. Read up on oneitis, sounds like what we have going on here.
– Law Dogger
Generally, these things do not work out well. If you broke up with her, there’s usually a good reason why you did so in the first place. Hanging around with her will prevent you from finding better girls. Be honest. You’re with her now because it’s a sure thing and you want the sex. You’re looking for a comfort blanket. That’s not a good plan.
– Quintus Curtius
She’s just not that into you
Scenario: I am at a small piano bar in NYC on a Saturday night. I spot an attractive girl (mid 20s) sitting (alone, believe it or not) at the bar with a glass of wine. I take a seat next to her, open her. I quickly determine English is not her native language. I ask her where she’s from – she turns out to be Albanian. Moved to NYC a few months ago, staying with her cousin. She is a bit shy at first but warms up to me in time. Laughing, touching my arm, etc. Unsolicited, she ask if I have “a facebook.” She hands me her phone. I add her. I ask for her number but she says she doesn’t know it (wtf?) and asks me to put mine in her phone (of course this is a bad idea, always get the girl’s number, don’t give her yours). She orders another glass of wine, we continue chatting. Again, she is being quite warm and friendly throughout, touching, etc. 11:30 rolls around, she receives a phone call, goes outside to take it. Says it is her cousin and that she has to head home, has things to do in the morning tomorrow (doubtful). I invite her back to my place for wine, she declines politely. “Message me sometime, show me new place” she says. She hugs me and kisses my cheek.
Messaged her 3 days later asking if she was free to meet up that evening. Read, no response. Has not unfriended me.
Question: In most circumstances, I would just attribute this to the girl being polite/feeling something in the moment and then changing her mind later. I find it odd that she asked me to add her on Facebook though, before I even asked for her contact info, and continues to be my “friend” on there despite not responding to my message. Also, I would appreciate any info you have regarding Albanian girls in general. I do not recall you writing extensively about them, though you may some articles somewhere that I’m unaware of.
Any insight would be appreciated.
P.S. I do not have anything incriminating on my Facebook. Very sparse, about a dozen photos, a few funny/sarcastic status updates. Nothing that I would imagine would turn a girl off or on. Just basic stuff.
See the heading above. To quote Roosh from Brazil Compendium, “If a girl asks for your Facebook, the interaction will soon be over.” This isn’t just true in South America. She found you interesting enough to talk to and perhaps milk for a drink or two, but it is clear that even before your messaged her she had no interest in seeing you again. Congratulations, you just upped her friend (read: orbiter) count on social media.
Starting from the bottom
While being an avid reader of ROK, I am still socially inept. Would a Dale Carnegie course be a step in the right direction? Not sure about the science (genetics, introvert, shy) behind it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a habit that can be broken. It’s even more frustrating having the tools with no experience on how to use them. There are three types of men on ROK (plus outliers).
1) Established players/ man who gets play
2) Men who can socialize but still can’t get laid.
3) Men who can’t socialize………….. . . . . . . .
I know you just have to “do it”, but that puts the GAME on hard mode for man #3. Where do I start?
Paying to take a course may help, but I honestly think it’s a lousy first step. I used to have some serious problems with anxiety, so I would suggest you first read that article and perhaps apply a few of those strategies. Ineptness and shyness are two distinct problems, though both can be managed by getting reps in. In the Beige Phillip podcast, Dante Nero has a strategy he calls “laying the five bricks,” which basically amounts to making a certain fixed number of mini-approaches during the day. In a case where you’re simply trying to defeat shyness, these don’t even have to be with good looking women.
So, you need to get off the internet and strike up a conversation with anyone about anything, and do that three times every day. Like a shirt a guy’s wearing? Tell him it’s sharp, and ask where he got it. Think the coffee girl made your drink extra tasty? Let her know and ask what she did differently. Talk to everyone, and ask lots of questions. See how people react to you—you’ll notice that people are generally friendly and understanding when you’re asking about their life. Also, keep a log of what you did and how people reacted. This will help you notice patterns in the interactions.
You’ll probably feel like you bombed the first 100 interactions, but I guarantee that after a month of doing this you’ll feel more comfortable about transitioning those interactions to women in a pickup setting. We all have different baseline appetites for social stimulation, but blaming your genetics is a cop-out. This is a solvable problem, but you are the only person who can change your fortunes. Do it or don’t. And write back and let us know how it goes.
That’s it for this week. If you would like a question answered by the ROK staff, send it via email or the anonymous form.
Read More: Do You Love Game?