Dating – as we used to know it – is dead. Hookup culture is the norm in America. These social changes are largely driven by women, and their need to avoid any feeling which might be “awkward” or uncomfortable. For the modern American “empowered” woman, the idea of needing a man goes against all the social programming she has received throughout her life.
Any behavior which might indicate genuine love or desire for another person is disappearing from the dating landscape, in favor of “combat dating” in which men and women compete to see who can love least. As a consequence, many of the conventions associated with dating are now dead.
1. Dates Are Dead
Going on planned dates and meeting up with someone based on prearranged plans is dead.
I’m not just talking about getting to know someone through spent time and courtship – that’s been dead for much longer. I’m talking about making plans to do any activity that requires advanced planning or doesn’t have a chance of leading to sex. The only people still going on “dates” are people going with their friends, or people they’re not having sex with.
There are two reasons for this. First, smartphones make flaking incredibly easy. Two thumbs and a minute’s notice can cancel any plan. Plus, smartphones allow you to contact anyone in your social network any time and see every other cool event you could go to instead. If you aren’t the shiniest prospect, you will be flaked. Second, modern women have an aversion to anything that might make them feel “awkward” or put the slightest social pressure on them, and following through on plans made in advance is typically more commitment than women can handle.
For men, why spend two hours in a movie or playing mini-golf when you could invite her directly back to your place? Even men who meet in a public place usually choose one walking distance from their apartment. The only reason left to meet in a public place is because you think your date might be a secret internet-fatty, mentally ill (as one in four women are), or not ready for that direct an approach. While the first two are serious concerns, as a man you have the right to leave or kick someone out of your house for any reason. For many the risk of dealing with a crappy woman is less than the risk of missing a bang.
2. Cheating Is Dead
Because relationships begin without formal dating, they progress without formal labels. If no commitment is given, none is assumed. You can’t cheat on someone you never said you were committed to.
It’s well know, he who loves least controls the relationship. If a man is the first to ask for exclusivity, he is considered needy. Most men with options would not make this request, because it would mean they would have to stop dating other girls. Likewise, women typically have multiple options and do not want to appear like they need men. Since neither person wants to look like they need the other, most relationships operate on a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it comes to sleeping with other people.
The corollary of this rule is that mate poaching is okay. Because even marriages can be broken up at a moments notice for the personal preference of one partner, there is no reason to respect the boundaries of another persons relationship. All is fair in love and war, and if you steal someone else’s partner, there are no social consequences, because it’s just part of the game.
3. Phone Calls Are Dead
Most young women are attached to their smartphones and communicate exclusively through apps and text. While it might seem like this would lead to more phone calls, phone calls require direct one on one communication in a context without looks or body language to fall back on. Phone calls also require a woman to give her full attention to a single man at once, which is more intimacy than most women can handle.
Calling women is considered needy and creepy. Since most women will not make a phone call, calling a woman shows greater interest in her than she would ever show in a man. Plus, women don’t answer calls from numbers they don’t recognize, so unless you texted her first and she took the trouble to save you in her contacts list, she won’t answer.
4. Technology-Free Relationships Are Dead
Relationships unmediated by technology are dead. Even if you meet face to face, the second meeting will be arranged through technology of some kind. Because women no longer make phone calls, communication will probably take place through text or some kind of app.
It used to be that technology was the domain of nerds and men who made things. Once Silicon Valley figured out ways for people to attention-whore through technology (twitter, facebook, instagram, early myspace) the internet was embraced by women. Now, I find women are the ones introducing me to new technology, constantly inviting to join apps or social networks I have no desire to be a part of – or worse, just assuming I use them. One girl told me the people who don’t have a kik account are creepy.
5. Breakups Are Dead
Breakups – actually telling someone you don’t want to see them again – are dead. The fade away is the norm.
Because no commitment is given, there is nothing to break. You just simply stop contacting someone without any warning or reason. Calling someone to tell them you no longer want to see them again would require acknowledging someone else’s feelings and going out of your way to be kind to them.
Such a direct conversation might in inadvertently lead to intimacy, which is what all these behaviors are set up to avoid. In fact, replace the word “awkward” with “intimate” and the motivation behind most women’s behavior’s becomes appalling clear.
Just to review – wanting to get to know someone slowly over food, shared experiences, and face to face exclusivity is creepy. Typing “sit on my face” into a Tinder window is not.
Interestingly, this shift mirrors a larger cultural shift in the American attention span. Americans used to read books, now they reblog listicles. It might seem hypocritical of me to write that in a listed blog post, but most people won’t even read that sentence because it’s all the way at the end.
Read More: How Women Killed Facebook