Everyone has external excuses for why they act the way they act, or why this or that happened:

  • “I am an alcoholic because my parents were alcoholics.”
  • “I can’t quit smoking because it helps my anxiety.”
  • “I sleep around a lot because my father was never around when I was younger.”
  • “I do this because my ex blah blah blah.”

Everything you do in your life is your choice, and the way you let events affect you is also your choice. Literally the only thing in this entire existence you have any control of is yourself. If you’re a shitty person with piss poor habits, then don’t lie to yourself about it and make it seem like the world is just out to get you. If you have a problem with your life then do something about it instead of complaining about how the way you are is somehow not your fault.

Women do this constantly without exception because the world is always against them and nothing is ever their fault, but I see a lot of men doing it as well. It’s an awful effeminate trait that needs to be eliminated. Stop being a lazy, defeatist weakling and take control of yourself.

Being Highly Effective

When I was in college I had a Computer Science professor who taught programming basics and information technology principles. I was gathering text books before the semester started and I noticed he had an “optional” work in his literature roster: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. Despite being an IT professor who taught object-oriented programming fundamentals, he was an ardent tree-hugging hippie. He would wear flip-flops to class every session, even into the fall months. With that in mind, a small part of his curriculum was life coaching.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you that I read the damn book. It was optional after all, and I had better things to do, but I did crack it open. Of the skimming I did, the biggest takeaway I got from it was to stop externalizing your problems and start internalizing them. The easiest way to be lazy and scapegoat any responsibility for one’s poor habits and life choices is to pass the buck. Blaming something out of your control makes your problem essentially unsolvable. Since you can’t control it, all you can do is bitch about it and keep going on business as usual. This is incredibly ineffective and shows a complete lack of self-control. This goes along with people being afraid to leave their comfort zone and would rather take the hit than make an effort.


Take Control—Maximize Your Life

If something is truly 100% out of your control, then it’s a non-issue because it can’t be helped. Most of the time, however, this is not the case. Even when something happens to you that you could not have foreseen or prevented, you at least have the mental ability to decide how you want to let it affect your life. We let breakups, failures, busy schedules, and stressful life events drag us down and we dwell on them and sulk. Why? Do you think life is long enough to waste any of it pissing and moaning about everything? Some may think this is debatable, but realistically your personal quality of life is based on how much happiness you can achieve and for how long. Minimizing unhappiness and maximizing happiness should be paramount. Things that get in the way of this goal should be dealt with accordingly.

Some broad you’ve been steady with for a while consciously runs behind your back and cheats on you. Is she a sleazy scandalous piece of trash? Of course. Did she do it because she secretly hates you? Maybe. Did she do it because she got bored with you because you weren’t man enough and you were too needy? Likely. The latter is something you can control. Instead of being a victim who got played, learn from it. Not making as much money as you want? Work better and ask for a raise. Not getting a raise? Look for a new job. Don’t make excuses for why you can’t change jobs. It’s 2013 and jobs are like underwear. You live on your own and all you have is basic bachelor bills – always be on the lookout for better opportunities.

Don’t Feed Into Negativity

Pessimism can be contagious, and it’s important to not let others drag you down. Nowadays, when someone bitches about something she refuses to deal with, I just shut down. When I hear people (women) ramble on about their baggage, my brain just turns to pudding and I tune out. Venting about something can certainly be a useful mental tool, but at the end of the day you need to learn to step up and help yourself. The world doesn’t owe you a favor, and you’re entitled to nothing but what you make for yourself.

Read More: It’s All Your Fault

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