After I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, I have become quickly acquainted with the jungle world of dating in Los Angeles at age 45.

I was spoiled with my ex.  I’m obsessed with thin, waify, delicate, small boned women.  She was small boned, weighed less than 100 lbs., and had above average breasts.  She wore the clothes I like, exactly the way I like it, and performed various sex acts, exactly the way I like it.   But above all, I never had to worry about her getting fat.

But then early menopause hit, and everything changed for the worse.  The sex drive and motivation fell off a cliff.  Then came the wrinkle lines, the constant nagging, wild mood swings, lecturing, and all the rest.  That relationship ended.

After putting myself back into circulation and navigating the dating scene, it has quickly dawned on me the shocking contrast between the “Haves” and the “Have Nots” among the available single women in L.A.

1. The “Haves”

The “Haves” are the thin, or slender women with good figures who also possess the skill and guile to be able to capture a man’s attention.  They don’t even have to be that pretty in the face, they just need to have the right “look”.


Exhibit A is a girl who I met in my office building, 31 years old, 5’9”, no more than 115 lbs..  Somewhat average and plain facial features, but easily overcome by having the most perfect breasts imaginable.  I took her out to lunch, and she shows up dressed up in tight fitting navy blue skirt that hugged her slender waistline, and one of those delicate silk blouses which showed off her nice, bony shoulders and her pencil thin arms.  On top of that, she strategically left a middle button undone on her blouse such that I could get an ample peek of her extraordinary breasts held up delicately by her $75 La Perla bra decorated with all sorts of lace and sequins.  It was classic.  She was showing just enough, but at the same time, not quite enough.  I was totally transfixed.

 open blouse

This type of woman knows exactly how to dress, how to walk, and how to flirt to drive men absolutely wild.

Despite her average facial appearance, this one will never have to bother with, OKCupid, or any professional “matchmaking” service.  Hundreds of guys are constantly available in real time, anytime she wants, simply by presenting herself correctly and circulating in the general public.  She will get constant hits at Starbucks, Whole Foods, the Juice Bar, or just walking in the mall.

Of course, she might install a Tinder App on her iPhone, and get 150 matches within 48 hours for ego gratification and show her girlfriends all the cute guys are interested in her.

woman on computer

The “Haves” are never alone.  In fact, their biggest worry is to how to fend off the hundreds of men clawing after their phone number or attention.  That is why so many of them walk around with that “bitch look”, as in “how dare you look at me”.  And they consciously refuse to make any eye contact with the opposite sex out of fear of sparking animal spirits and having to engage in defensive action.

But if they are ever lonely, they can have a suitable man who is very good looking, interesting, and with a respectable wallet size with relative ease.  Probably within 12 hours or less. All they have to do is engage in eye contact, speak one or two sentences, and the phone numbers and/or invitations will come flying in.

2. The “Have Nots”

The “Have Nots” are another lot.

More typically, they are the women who are prone to fat “PTF”, or either just plain “fat”.  You know the ones I’m talking about.  Those who have to struggle with their weight 24/7.  No matter how many diets they try, or how many exercise machines they order off the late night infomercials, nothing works.  They are simply stuck with bad genes, or they are “foodies” and have an emotional connection with food which cannot be broken.

Many of them can have a good looking face, featured prominently on the first page of dating profiles, with the body view missing.  Running into them in person ignites an initial flash of desire, but then when the eyes scan the rest of their bodies, then interest immediately evaporates.

different sizes

They may have normal sized shoulders and arms, but their butt and legs are way too big for their frame.  Or they may appear to have an acceptable figure when dressed up, but the slightly thick arms and the chunky chopper calves give away what they really look like with their clothes off.

The poor “Have Nots” are stuck living with the horror that very few men are seriously interested in them, except for maybe one time hookups.  Few men ever ask for their phone number.  Drunken ones will simply ask them to go to their place right away with no courting whatsoever.  Anytime they accompany a hot girlfriend to a nightclub, they are looked upon as a dreaded disease by the men attempting to hook up with their skinny companion.

3. The Curse of Fat, The No. 1 Danger in Online Dating

This weight problem which dooms many women into the “Have Not” category is especially acute with women in their late 30’s or early 40’s.  Keeping the weight off was always fairly easy when they were young, even though it was a constant struggle.  But then they reach a point where the fat just accumulates for no reason whatsoever. And they know that most men hate it and despise it.  It can ruin everything, regardless of their “bubbly” personality.  Worse than that, many of these “fatties” are also those who have substandard breasts.  Odd shaped, too mushy, or those with the horror of knowing that every 10 lbs. they gain, all of it goes into their ass, legs, and stomach, and none of it goes to their breasts.

By the way, if you ever have phone sex or chat with a woman whose name is “Phoebe”, “Matilda”, “Gertrude”, etc., run like hell.  Those are guaranteed to be leviathans.

Most of these “prone to fat” types are those who sign up on all the online dating sites.  They get headshots made for their profile pictures to make them appear to be thin, without revealing anything about their body size or shape.  However, some have been adept at using photoshop at erasing fat provided that the picture is taken at the proper angle. I’ve been burned by several of those.

Any of these “chunky” chicks who attempt to post on Tinder and show only facial shots are quickly swiped off and they get no admirers.

I made the mistake recently by agreeing to meet one of these girls from Tinder who had a glamour head shot, and a blurry distance shot of her riding on horseback.  Couldn’t exactly tell how her body looked, but I took a chance anyway.  She shows up at the bar where we agreed to meet and she was a monster.  She must have been over 6 ft. tall and probably weighed at 170 lbs.  Not really “fat”, just big boned.  Pretty flat stomach, but wide “birthing stock” hips.  Luckily, her breasts were ample, which made her tempting.  But nothing could stop the fact that I felt like I was with a chick that looked and felt like she outweighed me by 35 lbs. and would probably smother me in bed.   And 2 years from now she’ll be even bigger. 


Who knows, she might have just lost 120 lbs. on “The Biggest Loser”, lol……

4.  Where Are The Women In Between?

So compare and contrast the tall, skinny, beautiful one, with the “Amazon” chick I just described.

One will never been seen online and spends most of her energy fending off phone number and hookup requests, knowing that she will never be left alone and will never have to live alone.

Always has a flat stomach, perfectly shaped silhouette waist and hips.  You know what I’m talking about.  One which you would never have to bother with a tape measure to win an argument whether or not she was “fat” or not.


The hot ones seem to get even hotter because they become even more emboldened by the constant attention they receive.  

The “Have Nots” are probably on 5 different matchmaking sites and using 3 different speed dating apps and wonders why she only attracts creeps and psychos interested in “big and beautiful”.

They seem to try vairious diets, but eventually throw in the towel and give up.  They get bigger, thicker, and heavier and drift even further outside the realm of being viewed as a looker.

It is really astonishing to see how black and white it is out there if you are a single woman looking for dates or attention from the opposite sex.  Either you’re one of the “Haves” or one of the “Have Nots”, and there is not really much in between.

So where are the girls in the middle?  So far, I can’t find any.

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