Mate guarding is always a bad idea, no two ways about it. If you feel the need to ‘mate guard’ when you are in public with your girlfriend then resist it. It’s beta in the extreme and it sends out a bad message both to her and to the people around you.
In case you’re not familiar with the term, ‘mate guarding’ refers to the tendency of some guys to try to indicate ‘ownership’ of their partner in public. This can be subtle, say by linking arms at sensitive moments (for example when a group of guys enters the social space); or overt, by actively threatening other men with consequences if they don’t stay away.
Of course, this is all wrong on many levels. For one thing, you don’t ‘own’ her any more than she owns you. She is a human being who can make her own decisions. And if she is with you, then it is because she wants to be with you: no more no less.
Another thing is that any attempts at ‘mate guarding’ are counterproductive since they will make you look weak.
Protecting Her Ass
I recall many years ago standing in a bar with a ‘natural’ colleague of mine. We were observing a girl we worked with—quite an attractive, vivacious girl—and her boyfriend. The boyfriend, surrounded by people, had placed a protective hand on his girl’s ass.
My natural friend laughed and imitated this guy’s somewhat stiff, nervous posture, before commenting:
‘There’s no point in doing that. If she’s going to cheat she’s going to cheat. Nothing you can do about it.’
Now, this man was a tall, good-looking alpha, and it’s unlikely he got cheated on often. However, his attitude was instructive. And it is certain that he would never have stooped to mate-guardian measures himself.
Why? Because he didn’t have to.
Think about it like this. If you are truly alpha, a prize amongst men, then would you worry about your girl going off with another guy? No, of course not. For one thing it’s never going to happen, and even in the unlikely event that it does you will have little problem in replacing her.
Do you suppose that Justin Bieber or Leonardo DiCaprio or Ryan Gosling or A$AP Rocky bother with mate guarding? Of course they don’t! Why would they? They are confident in their superior status among men and in their magnetic attractiveness to women.
There’s no need for such men to even consider the possibility of a woman straying. It’s simply not going to happen.
Now, perhaps you are ready to counter this line of logic by pointing out that you are neither Justin Bieber, nor Leo DiCaprio, nor any of the other celebrities I’ve mentioned. You’re just a normal guy of average looks and means. Therefore, things are different. Therefore, you need to mate guard every once in a while just as ‘a precaution’.
That thinking is all wrong. By going down that mental avenue you are merely reinforcing any suspicion your girl might have that she is with a suboptimal guy. And as a result, your attempts to mate guard her will be counterproductive.
OK, on that particular evening she may well not talk to or flirt with any other guys. But what message have you sent her?
‘My boyfriend is so weak and unconfident in himself that he feels the need to attempt to broadcast the fact that we’re together to ward off other men when we’re out.’
I hope you can see how problematic and self-defeating this approach is. Once you’ve weakened her sense of you as a strong man who deserves her, then you have begun to chip away at the very foundations of her respect and attraction for you. And once respect and attraction are diminished then it’s only a short path to her dumping you or cheating on you.
Instead of mate guarding, when you go out with your girlfriend, or wife, or even with a random girl you’re taking on a date, simply act as if you haven’t got a care in the world.
Yes, your pulse might be racing, and inside you might be terrified that something’s going to go wrong. Disregard those feelings. They are the product of your imagination and they’re not going to do you any good. Instead, put on a front of being calm, comfortable, and in control of yourself.
Subconsciously your girl will be impressed that you are not fussing over her. She will be impressed because you are now exhibiting the characteristics of a high value male. And doing that will put you in a far better position than mate guarding ever will.
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