Although I’ve previously spoken positively of Japanese women, as red pill men, we see the world as it is and not how it should be. Therefore, this article will discuss a few reasons why walking down the aisle with a Japanese woman in tow may not be the best course of action.
To understand why you shouldn’t, it’s first helpful to know that in Japan you have access to an assortment of martial arts. From weaponless combat of karate and judo, to other arts that practice with swords and spears, Japan has more than enough in terms of combat sports. While budo (武道) is not a main staple of contemporary culture, you can find what you’re looking for in terms of martial development.
One of the arts that I’ve always been interested in studying was kyokushin (極真) karate , which is a full contact style that allows almost everything except punches to the head. In the particular flavor of kyokushin I’m studying, they emphasize a concept called tai sabaki (体さばき) which roughly describes the ability to step away from the striking area to put yourself in a better position.
While sometimes it’s necessary to stand toe-to-toe with an opponent and keep striking until one gives out, seeing the trouble ahead of time and avoiding the onslaught teaches you to fight smarter, not harder. The same applies to getting married in Japan.
Now before you click away from this article, rest assured that this will not be the usual diatribe regarding the lack of language ability (i.e. go to any Japanese language learning forum and read about how “hard” it is). The point being illustrated here is that while you can learn the language, it may take you some extra time to understand nuances.
Oftentimes you read online about how foreign men decide to wife up their sweet, wholesome girlfriends, only to find out she was mentally unstable much later. If the lady you’re with repels the local men, then you’re missing out on some social cues.
Due to a substantial amount of stigma around mental health in the country, don’t be surprised if you encounter a few ladies who need to spend more time at the counseling center than the nightclub. Don’t make the mistake that many outsiders make by thinking you’re the big swinging dick in the room that charms the ladies out of their kimonos.
Oftentimes, if you can’t speak the language, you’re missing out on a big chunk of red flags that may not come out until after you sign up for the “love” contract. If she isn’t getting much attention from the domestic crowd, it’s your job to find out why and jump ship if she has tendencies to boil bunnies alive.
2. Sex And Obligations
Don’t think it won’t happen to you. No matter how high your bench press is, how much money you have, or how big your third leg is compared to the local clientele, once she becomes pregnant and little Ichiro comes on the scene, the sex stops and the obligations begin. While it is characteristic for women of different countries and cultures to go from the “maiden to matron,” it seems rather pronounced in Japan, where childcare and household duties become the main focus.
On top of that, be prepared to have conversations about her taking your salary and giving you pittance per month to spend. Known as okozukai (お小遣い), this was a system designed for women to pay for all expenses in the house (as well as a few handbags) while you receive monthly “pocket money” to do what you wish. Not to mention you have to watch out for hesokuri (へそくり), which is a hidden stash of your paycheck the lovely wife takes without you knowing.
Now you may think that you can just alpha your way into living how you wish, but if you get married to her, you’ll most likely be on a spousal visa (i.e. at her beck and call). There have been numerous cases where the foreigner didn’t want to be the sexless workhorse anymore, demanded better treatment in his relationship, only to see it unravel before his eyes.
With the amount of familial, community, and societal duties that arise due to your marriage into the system, don’t be surprised to see your wonderful girlfriend who showered you with attention, fizzle away with obligations while she “loves you in other ways” (read: no sex).
We have to be honest here. As an outsider, you’re not considered to be on the same standard as the domestic product. While people are overwhelmingly nice and hospitable, the general edict is that you are treated as such since you are a guest that will return to your native country. The man who decides to plant his foreign flag in the country will have to be ready for some adjustments.
Recently, I had the pleasure to sit down with a family lawyer to discuss various aspects of Japanese law. For starters, the rules regarding common law marriage are really vague. Although there is no set amount in Japanese law that constitutes a couple being married, if it “appears” that you’ve been together for “a while” (according to this lawyer, its a ballpark between 3-5 years but ultimately it depends on the judge and what side of the futon he woke up on that morning) you’ll be on the hook for divorce payments should you go that route.
While child support isn’t strictly enforced and alimony isn’t virtually nonexistent, you can run into a civil case where 50% of all assets accrued in the marriage will go to her should she decide to sue. That also goes for overseas accounts, should she find out about it (for more info, schedule a consultation).
Another key point to mention here is visitation rights. While you may get lucky as far as not having to paying a lump sum should the marriage end, it is a double-edged sword in the sense that the woman will be the one in charge of visitation rights. So as the foreigner, if the divorce was particularly nasty, you may have to come to grips with the fact that your precious son or daughter will disappear in the wind.
(NOTE: The video shows a woman being swindled (which does happen) but the same concept applies)
This should be a given, but do not sign anything you cannot read, don’t put your livelihood in the hands of someone who may change their mind on how they feel about you, and get in touch with your inner zen and practice non-attachment, should you never see your progeny ever again.
This isn’t a piece that is designed to invoke fear, but rather shine a light on the realities of living in different country with a set of codified methods of behavior and social ramifications. While the smiles are real and the lifestyle can be great, understanding what can happen should things go south is a surefire way to protect yourself from unexpected outcomes.
Like tai sabaki (体さばき), this article seeks to help you avoid the pitfalls many foreigners fall into time and again. With red pill awareness, language ability, and economic independence, you can develop strategies to get the best out of Japan and what it has to offer. Marching down the aisle without knowing the rules of the game undercuts your legs before you even begin to walk.