Understanding shit tests is important. Real important. Not just for navigating your relationships with women, but also for understanding, defining and defending yourself.
Don’t believe me? Then why did God chronicle the world’s first shit-test in chapter 3 of Genesis, immediately after the trifling matter of the Creation of Heaven and Earth? Before any discussion about, say, the purpose of life, the nature of God or the path to freedom, God sits us down and says, “Okay men, this is how it is. Listen up.”
And yet here we are, eleventy bazillion years later having to relearn the lessons of this primordial story of man vs. woman. Be of good cheer though. The story is short and the lessons are vivid.
The first shit test
Let’s set the stage:
The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?”
“Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’”
“You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”
The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. Genesis 3, NLT
So what is the shit test? Simply this: Should Adam take the fruit to please Eve and maintain his relationship with her? Or should he tell her, ‘Shut up. Walk away from the talking snake and go back to the tent. I want to be fruitful with you.’
Lesson #1 – this crap isn’t new
God’s response to Eve’s disobedient shit-test is rather enlightening:
“And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”
In other words, this tension, this conflict between men and women that we deal with constantly goes back to the very beginning. First-wave feminists didn’t create it. Second or third-wave feminists didn’t create it either. All they’re doing is coming together collectively to do what they can’t do individually – control men.
Feminists will tell you that feminism is all about equality. ‘Equality’ is a lie. As it ever was, their desire as women is to rule over you. Period.
Now fast-forward a couple thousand – or million – years. Because women haven’t changed, the same admonition is given:
“…you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.” 1 Peter 3
Now, women wouldn’t be told to submit to men if they weren’t capable of it. That would just be mean. But even well-meaning women quite naturally fear what their man would do with his authority if she actually did submit to him. Letting go, trusting another human being, is hard. Humans mostly suck. I get it. And feminism is always there to stir this fear and distrust.
Managing this age-old conflict requires us to acknowledge their fears and to manifest a solid, trustworthy – if playfully unpredictable – masculinity.
Lesson #2 – Be active not passive
Adam’s punishment is:
“Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.”
Did you catch that? The cause of Adam’s transgression was that he ‘listened to his wife’ and followed her into disobedience. Happy wife, happy life my ass!
He should have grabbed the nearest shovel and chopped the serpent’s head off before admonishing his wife for her covetousness – this despite their lavish habitation! Instead Adam passively sat there as the scene unfolded.
The lesson is simple. Be active. Be engaged. And actually care about your woman. Sure, many women will call you a bully and say you’re too controlling. That’s fine. If you’re in it for an actual relationship, next her. This one can deal with the ‘serpents of life’ on her own.
Lesson #3 – Women are gullible and covetous
Women have exquisite feminine virtues based on openness and receptivity that men rightly treasure when we can find it. Frankly, when we see it, it’s impossibly attractive and intoxicating. But there’s a flip side to feminine virtue.
When you’re open and receptive, you’re also more easily fooled.
And it was not Adam who was deceived by Satan. The woman was deceived, and sin was the result.
And when your nature is to attract and receive, you are also more prone to materialism and covetousness as you search for validation in all the wrong places.
She saw that the tree was beautiful….and she wanted…
This is one reason – there are others – that men should lead women in relationships. It’s not to lord over them abusively or for self-gain. It’s to provide women a safe space to express and share their feminine nature with us without being taken advantage of.
Conversely, when women call the shots in a relationships, it’s inherently exhausting and ultimately unsatisfying for both of you. Her covetousness and gullibility will combine to dominate the purpose of the union. She will see and want and be sold…. a bigger house… a bigger diamond…. a newer car… another expensive vacation… a fairy-tale wedding. You know the drill.
In the end, her covetousness and gullibility will become your own. And the things that control her will become your masters.
Lesson #4 – Lead your woman, or else..
Let’s game this out. There’s a period of time when Eve has taken the fruit but Adam hasn’t. At this point, Adam has two choices . He can follow Eve – submitting to her – or follow God. In the end of course, he submits to Eve.
But why did he chose Eve over God knowing it was wrong? Because he was afraid of losing his relationship with her which he treasured, a relationship marked by unquestioned trust and pure physical and emotional intimacy. Sounds good right?
In the end though – and this is the lesson for us – by selling out his own integrity and his call to leadership, he ended up losing the very relationship he sought to protect. In its place, he received a new relationship with Eve marked by distrust, conflict and competition.
Likewise, when we abdicate leadership, when we sell out our own integrity, we lose self-respect first, and then in turn, her respect. And then the relationship either ends, or worse, it lingers in blue-pill hell. There is simply no acceptable alternative to men leading relationships.
So there it is. Nothing new is under the sun. Women are the same as they’ve ever been. And the tension between us is as old as humanity – baked into the heart of every man and woman.
So what do we do? Well, what did Adam do? He picked himself up after that colossal shit-test failure to end all shit-test failures and took the red pill.
Then the man—Adam—named his wife Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live.
In other words, he takes his authority back and moves forward the best he can, perhaps having learned a little along the way. Oh, and he take Eve back to the tent. And she follows.