After spending my entire year on the road, there was one question I was absolutely sick of by the end of it.
“Why did you leave America? It’s supposed to be so wonderful and full of opportunity and the people are oh-so-friendly!”
Inevitably, I’d mention something about how brutal the dating scene was in a place like Los Angeles. I’d hate on American girls a little bit, Eastern European women tended to simply eat that up (as long as you did it in a non-bitter way). Inevitably more questions would come about why the dating scene in America is so miserable.
I found a system to make my point and move on quickly, but it did make me think a little bit. What exactly made dating in major metropolitan cities so bad? And that doesn’t just apply to American cities. It’s places in Western Europe like London also suffer from this epidemic.
I sat down and drew out the road map as to why the dating game has become so incredibly difficult for men. Here’s what I came up with.
Little Person, Big City
This topic is has been discussed to death so there’s little reason to go into full depth other than for clarity.
Needless to say, many, many young folks (both men and women) move from the rural parts of countries to go live in the big cities. The Sex and the City life, if you will. The real problem is not so much the elaborate dreams—it’s the lies that young people are told about the way that life works.
I’m only 25, and I distinctly remember being told repeatedly that I could in fact, have it all. I could find a nice girl in college and get married. I’d get a job that was fulfilling that I’d want to stay at the rest of my life because of mutual respect. I could buy all sorts of fancy cars and toys on credit and it would just be part of life. I could have it all!
Women are told a slightly different agenda—that they can get the top men in the world. No matter what. It doesn’t matter that she’s fat, unpleasant, or just simply not top-shelf. No, every girl is told that she can have the most high value men in the world if she just shows up and “is herself.”
And guess where the most high-value men in the world are? That’s right, right in the heart of the metropolitan cities. That same big city that she’s moving to. So not only will she get to live the exciting party life, but when she’s done with that part of her life (30 years old, 30 pounds heavier, and 300% more unpleasant than before) she’ll be able to lock up the billionaire.
It’s easy to chuckle at that laugh paragraph but can you really tell me that it’s not the truth of what really happens? Every girl who moves to a major city is told this in one form or another.
NYC And LA As Examples
Ah, but here is the evil part of that little propaganda and apply it to two of the biggest cities in the world.
If you live in New York City, you’re always going to find a more successful and wealthy Wall Street banker. There is always going to be another rung to climb. Even if a girl managed to lock down a billionaire, she’d be told she could lock down a better billionaire! Zuckerberg isn’t exactly a masculine icon that gets the juices flowing apart from his obvious money.
You could also apply this same NYC system to other major financial, tech, or political cities—London, Washington D.C., San Francisco, etc.
(It’s worth noting that NYC is a better city for dating than many of the alternatives.)
If you live in Los Angeles, girls are always going to think that they can get a better celebrity. Upgrade from a B-list to an A-list. “Oh, your B-list musician boyfriend is just a B-list…you girl, deserve an A-list bonafide actor like Leonardo!”
You can apply the Los Angeles system to other places that vanity and celebrity worship is practically the backbone of the economy—Miami, San Diego, etc. Just about anywhere with a warm beach.
None of this seems to apply to major cities in the East such as Kiev, where Ukrainian culture regarding the dating market is much more in check.
The Flip Side
On the other side of the equation, men are told different lies. If you’re fat, broke, and have no confidence, people aren’t telling you that you can get a Victoria’s Secret model. For context, that’s the equivalent of a girl who is a 6 being told that she can date Brad Pitt (and yeah, they’re told that).
But, men are told that it’s okay to be like that and that eventually a decent girl will simply pick them. So while we aren’t told as blatant a lie as women are, the resulting fallout of that lie means that we don’t improve ourselves. Rather than climbing the rung to the top of the food chain, we wallow in mediocrity.
The end result is that all women pine for the best man they can get (in their normal, biological nature, but exemplified by city living) and men are told we don’t need to be the best man we can.
The result is a miserable dating scene for everybody.
Let’s be realistic. If you’re a girl and a 7, you’re not getting a super alpha. If you’re a man and you’re a broke slob, you’re not getting an even decent-looking girl. You’re pretty much left with the scrap heaps, because all women are gunning for the top.
Women aren’t happy in the dating scene because they’re always being told that they can do better. Even if they’re dating a good guy who has his life together and is by all means a good fit—her friends will actively encourage her to seek better at the first signs of turmoil.
Men aren’t happy in the dating scene because of the attitude women have towards it. Wallowing in mediocrity seems like a far easier option. Even if you “make it” to the top, it’s still endless games and energy being expanded on women who aren’t worth it.
Is there a solution to all of this? If there is, I’d be keeping it to myself and trying to put it into a pill form. Unfortunately, I think this is just the hand we’ve been dealt—it’s up to all of us to make the most of it.
Want to learn how to combat these issues as best as possible—and take the power back from women? Buy Kyle’s best-selling book, King’s Code. For more information about dating girls abroad, check out his site Eastern European Travel.
Read More: 7 Things I Learned On The Road This Year