Whether you are looking to attract a long-term girlfriend or wife, or you are experimenting with shorter-term liaisons, learning the art of seduction is essential. Reams of content have been written on the topic, both on ROK and elsewhere: indeed, it’s possible to get lost in a tsunami of pick-up advice.
But while it can be useful to absorb successful people’s techniques, a shortcut is to observe their habits and adopt them yourself. To that end, here is a list of the top five habits I’ve observed in men who are great with women.
1. They take every opportunity
Guys who are great with women recognize and take up every opportunity that is presented to them. In this way they are somewhat akin to entrepreneurs. They know that the market is in a constant state of flux, and that change is at the heart of opportunity. As such, like the speculators of pussy they are, they are never afraid to launch a takeover bid, regardless of the circumstances.
Game writers will often advise men that they should be approaching all the time. I would wholeheartedly endorse this. I would also add that however many opportunities you’re taking now, there are always more to be had. I, for example, will try to get my first approach of the day in in the morning while I’m traveling to my office on the subway. There are so many cute girls on their way to work in London (or any reasonably-sized commuter city) and yet guys won’t talk to them, rationalizing that it is too early, she’ll think I’m crazy or whatever. In actual fact, I’ve probably taken more phone numbers and set up more dates through morning approaches than at any other time.
So next time you are out and about and see an attractive girl, be sure to approach her whatever the time or the circumstances. It is only by being present and open to all prospects that you will truly optimize your game.
2. They notice and follow up on IOIs
While most game advice is centered on what the guy should do in order to attract the girl, the fact remains that there will be many times that girls will shoot you so-called ‘indicators of interest’, or IOIs, without you having done anything.
While I would never advise anyone to rely on these as a mainstay, I would counsel that you should always at least do your best to notice them, and to follow up with alacrity. Not only do direct IOIs frequently lead to sex, but also, if you fail to pursue a potentially-interested girl you may find yourself regretting it for a long time afterwards. Men, after all, are the more romantic gender. There are few more lasting self-inflicted wounds than the thought of that beautiful girl who smiled at you at the museum and who you just know you could have dated, had you had the courage to speak to her.
The successful seducer is always on the lookout for IOIs, therefore, and he’ll execute quickly when he gets them, even if it means deviating slightly from his routine. For example, a while back I was on a subway train when I got strong direct eye contact from an attractive, petite and very feminine brunette—just my type. Once you’ve been in the game a while you will learn to distinguish a solid IOI from casual interest, but the best way to describe it is as that “rabbit in the headlights” look that girls give when they are truly smitten.
Well, she was giving me that look and I knew I had to follow up. When she got of the train I went right after her, introduced myself on the platform, took her number and then left. A drink and then several awesome sex sessions ensued later. Had I not taken the time to go after her then we would never have connected.
Remember: always be willing to go after a sure thing, and never leave money on the table.
3. They stand out from the crowd
Every truly successful seducer I have ever known has found ways to differentiate himself and stand out from the crowd. This can manifest itself in many ways, but primarily I’m talking about standing out physically (in terms of what you wear) and standing out in terms of your personality.
While the old concept of “peacocking” is rightly maligned by both men and women these days, there can nevertheless be little argument with the fact that, all else being equal, the better dressed man will be more successful than his slacks-and-sweatshirt counterpart. A former colleague of mine who has slept with more women than anyone else I’ve ever met was particular about his clothes to the point of obsession.
I appreciate that this will immediately cause some people to question his masculinity (“what real man takes so much care over his clothes?”) but remember that narcissism is one of the three “dark triad” characteristics that are like catnip to women (along with Machiavellianism and psychopathy). Therefore, taking time to select a silk pocket square that contrasts dramatically with your blazer plus the right trousers and shoes will help your cause a lot—if you remember that your main aim is to stand out rather than blend in.
Your personality, too, should be larger than life. Don’t be obnoxious, but as a rule of thumb try to ensure that you are louder and have more to say than the other men in the group.
4. They are dominant
There can be no doubt that women are attracted to masculine men, and that means that to be a contender you need to be dominant. Now of course, the massive and blatantly obvious caveat here is that you should also be ultimately respectful and appreciate that no means no. Nevertheless, within these boundaries it will serve you well to ensure that your body language, your tone of voice and your general demeanor communicates dominance – both of the woman you are interacting with as well as any men in your vicinity.
The key thing here is to appear decisive and unwavering—even if secretly you aren’t. For example, after you’ve had a couple of drinks with a girl on a date, try getting up, taking her by the hand and simply leading her to a taxi. When she questions what you’re doing just say “we’re going back to my place to watch a movie.” Doing this will communicate that you have had similar success with women before and that you are not intimidated by her.
Now, in the back of your mind you may well be uncertain that she will acquiesce and that’s fine – just do the actions anyway and see what happens. She’s much more likely to want to go home with you if you demonstrate leadership and even if she doesn’t, she will still respect you more which will pay dividends the next time you meet.
5. They don’t apologize
Highly successful seducers never apologize—or certainly not for minor social infractions anyway. The fact of the matter is you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. If you are the kind of guy who frequently approaches women while demonstrating leadership and a certain kind of cocky-funny humor then the chances are you’re going to offend someone every so often.
Now, I’m not recommending that you should be a dick—be classy and convivial in all your interactions. But the truth of the matter is that the real seducer always ruffles a few feathers in his quest for vaginal Valhalla. If someone gets offended then make a joke but don’t apologize. As long as have acted lawfully then you have nothing to be sorry for.
Remember, an apology is a submission to someone else’s frame—and that is never a good look.
Read More: Why You Don’t Deserve That Perfect 10