Summer is ending and students are returning to campus. Wait, that should read: We are approaching the 9th menstrual period of the year, and special snowflakes are returning to their indoctrination centers.
The Age Of Trigglypuff
After the feminist student uprisings of last year, several incidences of loud angry yelling, culminating in Yale students throwing a tantrum from fear of being triggered by extra-scary insensitive Halloween costumes, administrations around the nation have created new language for students to use.
University of North Carolina Chapel Hill has issued a fatwah banning the use not only of the word man, but any compound words that may be built on the word man or father, such as mankind or forefathers.
The neutering of our language is accelerating, and already the above is reminiscent of the genderless “particular individual” dialogue in Ideocracy. Recently, Princeton University added its contribution to the castrating of the English tongue with a publication from its HR department titled “Guidelines for Using Gender Inclusive Language.” (TRIGGER WARNING: It reads like a Communist industrial factory diktat). Here are a few tidbits:
Inclusive Exclusive Language
“Gender-inclusive language is writing and speaking about people in a manner that does not use gender-based words.” Well, that’s a big fuck you to the multicultural movement. How insensitive is that to foreign exchange students who were taught an “inferior” language that has gendered nouns? Examples of appropriate language include the following:
Each employee is expected to turn in his annual disclosure form by the deadline
The incumbent is expected to edit a variety of documents and must also prepare a weekly update.
Way to welcome the incoming class of
freshmen, particular individuals, and make them feel like mindless automatons! George Carlin, a man far ahead of his time, warned of the dangers of soft language.
A good comedian is a master of language, and already Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, and Bill Maher have stopped performing at campuses where a young adult may be so personally damaged by the humorous words of one of their jokes, that they Just Can’t Even because It Is The Current Year.
What Is Language?
Words have meanings; their definitions are as fixed as our genders, and do not waver on a weekly basis. The goal of redefining language and banning words is simply to elevate women and vilify men. The UNC guide makes this obvious, when it states that in cases where “men and women” must be used, to reverse the order and state “women and men.”
Plato debated the meaning of language in his 5th century BC work Cratylus, pitting the ideas of conventionalism, where local feelz determine what the meaning of a word is, and naturalism, which holds that words cannot be arbitrarily chosen, because names belong naturally to their specific objects.
Some Helpful Suggestions
I can’t help but notice that the revisionists have failed to come up with a gender-inclusive word to replace the repressive “actress”–instead forcing female thespians to accept the male “actor.” I propose that male and female actors from here on be known as Imaginoids. In that vain I have several other suggestions to help keep college students out of trouble.
Shitlord Term Extra Double Plus Good Term
Man Particular individual
Manacles Wedding Ring
Month Menstrual Period
Manatee Stunning and Brave Cow
Forefathers Dead White Male Cis Scum I Can’t Even!
Germans Literally Hitler
Example: It’s so great to finally bossify some changes around here. I mean it’s menstrual month 9 of the current year and I’ve already been raped once this semester, but thanks to the Muh-Feelz-Woman’s freedom femsplaining, we have finally femmipoofed utopia into existence.
Learn The Above or Else…
Organized higher education in America is a dangerous gauntlet for men, growing more deadly with every year. When this group of children is let out into the workforce, to HR departments around the country, this language will spread to every large corporation. Consider wisely your future path.
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