We all know that rejection is a big part of game. Many game writers like to pretend that rejection is ‘not personal’. This is bullshit. Rejection from a woman is always about you and you alone. Suck it up, learn from it and then move on.
Perhaps you are new to the game, or maybe you’ve been out of it for a long while, due to a long-term relationship or marriage. Either way, even if you’re the world’s most insecure guy, the chances are you will overestimate your SMV (sexual market value) – by five points.
Yes, that’s right. Most guys new to game think they are a whole five points higher than the women they approach rate them.
If you’ve sat in your bedroom for a decade reading game articles online, watching YouTube videos and masturbating without talking action then you’ve never challenged yourself. You’ve never collected real-world data to test your hypothesis about your worth.
It is only by going out into the real world, approaching real-life women, hitting on them (and making it obvious that you’re doing so) that you will get feedback that is worth anything.
And the chances are, unless you’re a natural, that feedback is going to say ‘sorry, you’re not good enough.’
Why Rejection Is Always Personal
Bullshit game writers who want clicks will tell you that a woman rejecting you is not personal.
This is irresponsible misinformation.
If you stand in front of a woman for more than five seconds and make it clear that you want to have sex with her, and she refuses you, and doesn’t even flirt with you or seem a little bit pleased, then the one thing you can be certain of is that it has something to do with you personally.
How could it not?
I’m not saying that other factors don’t come into play. Of course they do. Perhaps she is in a bad mood. Perhaps she feels ill. Perhaps her dog just died. Perhaps she has a boyfriend. Here’s the thing though. Imagine you were Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, Justin Bieber. Think she’d turn you down then? Or do you think she wouldn’t at least giggle, blush, and act a little bit flattered?
Of course she would.
You’re Not Triggering Womens’ Hypergamous Natures
In love and sex as well as in business the cold truth is that men and women want the best deal possible for themselves. As a guy, you naturally want to sleep with the most attractive girl you can. If you had a choice between two girls, one homely and the other a Sports Illustrated model then any man, being honest with himself, would pick the model.
It’s the same with women. They want the best return they can get in the market for their worth (determined by their looks and age).
This tendency doesn’t go away just because a person is married or has a partner. In some cases it intensifies. Once a woman has settled down with a guy it is only natural that she will scan the market from time to time to check that she’s made the best investment possible.
This being the case, if you approach, set out your stall, and don’t even get a flicker of warmth back, then you need to have a look at yourself and what you might be doing wrong.
I’m not saying you’ll get every girl. Of course not all married women will go with you. Neither will all girls with partners. Yes, a girl might just have been passed over for a promotion at work and not feel like chit-chatting with a random in her local coffee shop. But think about it like this—everyone has a price. If someone came up to you in the street and offered to give you $1m then you’d take it, right?
If you were displaying enough value then she would be flattered at least, and might even allow things to go further. That she didn’t must, in part at least, be a reflection on the way you are presenting yourself to the world.
The Sexual Marketplace Is Real
People in the manosphere talk about the sexual marketplace. Evolutionary psychologists like David M. Buss (The Evolution of Desire) talk about the sexual marketplace. It’s not pretty, it’s not romantic, but it’s real. Every human being has a sexual market value that is apparent to others around him or her.
Granted, a person’s SMV goes up and down throughout their life. Look at Denise Richards now compared to ten years ago. Or look at men like David Beckham who become more handsome with age.
Your SMV will also vary depending on where you are in the world—I got loads of attention from women in Moscow, for example, probably disproportionate to other places. But everywhere you go you will be judged, and women, having a biological imperative to ensure the best possible genes for their offspring, have a razor-sharp antennae for male SMV. It’s a value exchange—your looks, status and power for sex. And the harsh fact is that if you’re not showing enough value then you won’t get even a sniff of sex.
Improve Your Value
You can read all the articles about game you like. You can learn techniques. All of that is great. But you need to improve your value at the same time.
Luckily for guys, male SMV is based on things other than looks. Dress sense, body shape, power (as communicated through social savvy, business ability etc) are all extremely important.
It seems strange that in 2016 I am still banging the drum for very very basic self-improvement for guys who want to go out and meet girls. And yet men still come to me for advice on how to pull tens who have bad haircuts, shitty clothes, and nerdy demeanours. Get that stuff sorted—it’s important and you won’t start making real progress until you do.
Remember, if that perfect ten you approached doesn’t think you’re good enough for her then chances are she’s probably right.