A concept that is incredibly popular in self-development is “fake it ’til you make it”—that is, to affect the external trappings of success until it becomes second nature and you generate actual success. But too many people do the first part and not the second. If you pretend to have “made it” while not actively working to improve your core strengths then your results will start to decline over time until they become suboptimal.
Fake It ‘Til You Make It
Rather like “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway,” “Fake it ‘Til You Make It” is one of those aphorisms that really requires little explanation. As soon as you’ve grasped the basic concept, it can feel incredibly liberating. In the field of seduction, for example, you might start to act as though you are a man with multiple girls, even when you’re just starting out and are chode-y as hell. Doing so not only works—if you give the impression you are a man in demand then women will believe it and will be drawn to you —but it also feels great. In affecting success or abundance in an area where you seek to excel you will start to get positive feedback from people that will bolster your confidence and reinforce your self-esteem.
Faking it ’til you make it has perhaps been one of the most important tools that I have utilized both in improving my skills with women, as well as in business and socially. When it became obvious to me that the easiest way to feel confident in a situation that might previously have made me feel uncomfortable—say, for example, entering a party and going around talking to large groups of people—simply pretending that I was already a confident guy made a world of difference.
In acting as if, I found that I quickly acquired the mannerisms and skills of the man i wanted to become. In doing so, as I received positive feedback from those I interacted with, so I felt corresponding spikes in my actual confidence. It was a virtuous cycle, until I no longer needed to pretend as I genuinely possessed the confidence I craved.
But Also Work On Making It . . .
Faking it is all very well, but you must also be sure that you are also spending at least an equal amount of time, if not more, working on actually making it.
I once knew a guy, Mike, who spent a lot of time out on the club circuit in London trying to impress girls by telling them he was a successful entrepreneur with a thriving company (which was always his ambition). While this approach did indeed work on occasion, and he was able to attract beautiful girls who were impressed by his apparent enterprise and commitment, he could never fully escape the sense of emptiness this approach gave him.
In the end, after having spent the best part of two years conning people that he was a self-made man, Mike suddenly found things falling apart around him. His parents were unceasingly unwilling to bankroll his lifestyle, Money was running short and he found himself in a downward spiral of alcohol and drug use as he struggled to reconcile his fantasy life with his true existence. Finally, after a particularly vicious three-day bender, he hit rock bottom.
After seeking help with his addictions, and achieving equilibrium, he immediately set about writing an actual business plan for the start-up he hoped to create. Now, through hard work and over a year later, he has millions of dollars of funding confirmed. His venture is shaping up to be a success and he no longer has to pretend. Tellingly, he has also stopped trying to impress girls and has been single for a long time.
Now that he has generated a modicum of genuine, authentic success, and is a man on his own mission, he has felt less need for external validation from girls. His project, and a sense of movement towards his higher goals, has been enough for him.
How To “Make It”
Of course, there have been countless books and articles written by self-help gurus and experts, as well as YouTube videos and TED talks and like, on the subject of making it. If you are interested getting a better understanding of the mechanics of success then I would recommend that you check some of these out. Some resources are better than others of course, but search and you are sure to find something that resonates with you.
As there are so many different ideas about how best to achieve success (in any given field) I really don’t have space to discuss them all here. There are, however, three fundamental principles which, if applied, are sure to set you on the right path. These are:
- Decide what you truly want
- Set goals to get there
- Persist with massive action to achieve them
It makes sense that you should start by determining precisely what it is you want to achieve. Many men aspire to money, but some would prefer artistic success, or some other form of mastery. Decide what’s important to you, rather than what you think should be important.
You should then map out the precise stages that you need to go through to get there, and then attack these with persistence and massive effort until they are achieved. Sounds simple? It is—but executing is a whole lot more challenging.
As you work on “making it” in the background, you should by all means “fake it” on the surface. But just remember that is in only by doing both simultaneously that you will truly achieve success, fulfillment and happiness.
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