Women with plenty of notches get a bad rap for not being able to hold down relationships or become decent mothers, but a male “player” with a ton of sexual experience is just as likely to become bored and cheat. While youthful experimentation is not only healthy but is actually desirable for men, bedding an excessive number of women may not benefit you if you aspire to a wife and family in later life.
Rick and Chloe
Rick is married to Chloe. Both Rick and Chloe work for an organization that used to employ me a while back. Recently I met up with a former colleague who also works there and he updated me on everything that was going on, including the state of Rick and Chloe’s relationship. What he told me was intriguing, if not a little depressing.
First some context. Rick is probably the most successful “natural” I’ve ever met when it comes to picking up women. With a lay count of nearly five hundred, he possesses all of the characteristics, both physical and attitudinal, required to be great with girls. Tall, decent-looking, well-dressed and with a great line in verbal banter, he was always going to be a contender. But on top of that, he also displays clear “dark triadic” characteristics—that is narcissism, Machaiavellianism and psychopathy. It is these characteristics, in my view, which have really sealed his success with the opposite sex.
Entirely casting aside the old adage about not shitting where you eat, Rick has been involved with several very high-profile relationships in the office. One was with an attractive young girl of about twenty-five called Zoe, whom he dated for two years or so. During that time he bought her a breast enlargement, presumably in order to increase the value of his investment. He even moved in with her, but at around the eighteen month mark he showed signs of becoming bored and moved out again, although the pair continued to sleep together. Then he began seeing Chloe—concurrently. This led to a huge public break-up with Zoe that was broadcast on social media and beyond.
For a good while, Rick and Chloe seemed to enjoy the perfect relationship. Chloe, who was blond and still very attractive (despite being thirty-six years old) had apparently brought about a great change in his life. The narrative constructed around this pairing was that Rick had finally “grown up”—that Chloe had “tamed him” and that now, finally, he was ready to put aside his philandering ways in order to commit to a good woman.
At the end of last year Rick and Chloe got married. It was a very expensive ceremony at an exclusive country house venue. The black and white photographs showed the well-groomed pair stepping joyfully into this new phase of their lives. The look of victory on Chloe’s face was clear.
The joy lasted for approximately six months. Recently it came to light that Rick had been sleeping with a very attractive young intern, Emily, from the office (22 years old). Understandably all hell broke loose and Chloe threw Rick out of their marital home. But she was prepared to forgive him. For a while the plan was that they would work it out—right up until the moment when Chloe discovered Rick was still sexing Emily on the quiet. Now Chloe has resigned her position at work, too humiliated to return. Rick remains unrepentant, still enjoying his affair with a much younger woman, and seemingly not concerned about attempting to save his marriage. The fact that they spent something like £60,000 on the big day itself makes the whole thing even more ridiculous.
You Can’t Put It Back In The Bottle
The difficulty for both men and women is that once you’ve tasted variety, and realized that yes, there is an infinite abundance of potential sexual partners out there in the world, it becomes very hard to stick with just one for the rest of your life.
Monogamy, and whether or not it is a natural state, has been debated frequently elsewhere. Whether or not long-term monogamy and happiness was ever truly possible is a moot point. But in 2016, with smartphones and Tinder and more lax societal conventions around sex, it’s certainly a hell of a lot more difficult. As a man, this is something worth bearing in mind. What is it that you really want? If one day you would like to settle down with one woman and have kids then realise that experiencing variety may not benefit you.
My writing largely concerns itself with meeting and attracting women (for the purposes of experimentation or finding a partner). This is an area that fascinates me, as does the interplay between men and women, and the way that it has slowly changed over time. But there is a darker side to the life of the serial player. You can do what you want with your life, but it’s worth recognizing this.
Women Love Damaged Men
Rick’s story also contains a lesson for those interested in attracting women. Perhaps there will be men reading this who are jealous of his ability to draw women to him, even against their own interests—think about the risk of social ostracizing that Emily was prepared to take in order to have sex with him. Unfortunately, for me this story simply confirms that many women are attracted to damaged men. Rick’s high quotient of the dark triad of characteristics—narcissism, Machaiavellianism and psychopathy—make him irresistible to many women. But it is these same characteristics that mark him as unsuitable for monogamy or family life. Perhaps he’s cool with that, but if you’re not then you should think carefully about what your life goals are and move towards them strategically.
Read More: How Bad Logistics Can Ruin Your Game