Jean-Batave Poqueliche
Jean-Batave is a martial artist from the viking stronghold of Normandy, France. He travels the world looking for new fighting techniques and new beautiful women. Eastern Europe taught him everything he knows and is his second home. His column runs every Thursday.
In these difficult times of empowered women, misogyny, and rape galore, there is a strong need for solutions. A man needs to know how to navigate hose troubled waters, how to avoid triggering females, and how to not accidentally behave like a shitlord. And what better way to do that than with our faithful smartphones?
Behold TrampAdvisor, a newly invented smartphone app that will revolutionize the dating world and bring men and women together. Here are the benefits of this ultimate innovation:
1. It will make the world a better place
TrampAdvisor guarantees quality sex and healthy relationships in accordance with the modern values of our global world. You just had sex? Rate the encounter, the sex, or both in detail, and then share it live to help men and women find their perfect match in the future!
2. It keeps men safe
Protect the brothers from damaged women by giving them a heads up. Some of us can’t see all the signs. Or maybe they crave a challenge? Even a small comment will help!
“Lawyergrrrlll55 tried to hit me with a frying pan while my back was turned and used the word “body positive” at least three times. 1/10 WB again”
3. It helps you in your life choices
The material data will give more evidence to the general public about the true nature and goals of both sexes. Then it is up to you to analyze it and choose a blue pill or red pill way of life.
4. It saves time
It is a must for men with a busy schedule. They now can see the easiness of a girl and plan their actions carefully with the little time they have. It will also save a tremendous amount of time for women that have a successful career or important feline companions to attend to.
5. It fights rape culture
Women must be kept safe. Would rape perpetrators have the guts to post their acts on the app? Unlikely. If on Jessica’s TrampAdvisor profile, none of the 395 entries (lol) by 231 men involves Christopher, her white heterosexual former hookup rapist, there is something fishy going on. We can finally celebrate regret-free drunk sex and keep law enforcement after the real culprits
6. It is focused on our clients’ needs
Everyone gets what they want. Local bad boy, girl next door, pump-and-dump candidate, or virgin wife material? It will all be backed with reviews. Jenny does not like Italian guys? There is an app for that! TrampAdvisor also comes with a chart function with periods of time when a girl wants to get as much sex as she can, or prefers to settle for a good, caring man once she has had her fill.
7. It saves money
We help you save money on transport, drinks, condoms, lawsuits and countless other things! Everyone loves sex. Everyone loves a good app. Ka-ching!
8. It helps you make friends
“Oh man, did you do the angry dragon to her too? You legend!”
Find an Eskimo brother near you and bond over a beer and funny stories about your fiancee.
9. It gives a reliable source of information
You can only validate flags and notches that have been physically confirmed by a third party. There is even a ranking system. A great way to differentiate the keyboard jockeys from the real players and keep you motivated!
10. It brings together people with similar tastes
Finally something that helps guys and girls pair up with someone that will fulfill their sexual needs and fetishes! No more failed relationships—you can go ahead now that you know that she likes having her face slapped and enjoys public sex on the first outing together.
11. It reduces divorce rates
With all this data available, you will know more before risking a present or future life investment with a woman and will be able to take the right decision accordingly.
12. It is a helpful tool for forgetful women
It can be hard to balance a strong, independent lifestyle between a life of partying, yes-means-yes picketing, and memory loss. TrampAdvisor will help girls keep track of all their encounters and avoid inaccuracies about their sexual past for their future spons… husbands before the fairytale wedding.
13. It comes with geolocation
You can use it 24/7, anywhere in the world, and share tips with the locals about the women. Where did they meet? Where does she usually hang out? Was X place suitable for a date? It even comes with a map updated in real time! Everything is just a click away.
14. It genuinely empowers women
Women are proud of being strong and having multiple sexual partners. Let’s help them share their sexual exploits with the world.
15. It has a revolutionary review system
With our cutting edge technology and review options that includes the duration of the intercourse, the position preferred, or the kind of profanity used, you too could participate and give your testimony to bring the sexual marketplace to the next level and help everyone in their quest for the ideal sex partner.
“The playful brunette from last week likes it rawdog? I second that!” – Max, 23, Orange County. Was this review helpful to you?
Dibs on the idea, but we welcome the worthy minds that want to help in its creation. A few alternative names for the app also have a nice ring to it: TwhatsApp, GineSweepHer (dodge red flags), IJustAppSex, Lubeher, ScreendHer. Give us your thoughts.
Read More: The Concept Of Chivalry Has Been Distorted To Create Subservient Men
Jean-Batave Poqueliche
Jean-Batave is a martial artist from the viking stronghold of Normandy, France. He travels the world looking for new fighting techniques and new beautiful women. Eastern Europe taught him everything he knows and is his second home. His column runs every Thursday.
