Many years ago I earned my flight and ground instructor certificates, and one of the subjects I was required to study were the “Fundamentals of Instruction,” or FOI for short. The FOI is one of the many written examinations prospective instructors must pass in order to receive their credentials, and it’s based on the principles outlined in the FAA’s Aviation Instructor’s Handbook. It essentially boils down to a synopsis of basic psychology, proper teaching techniques, and understanding how people learn and absorb information.
One of the focal points covered in the FOI were the “Levels of Learning,” and what they entail are the steps one must go through in order to achieve a certain level of mastery over of a particular subject or theme. They are the following:
Rote is the level of learning most people have about a given subject, especially when the subject is uninteresting or has very little relevance in the real world. How one might approach an extraneous college course that is compulsory for fulfilling a degree requirement is a good example: a person studies some nugatory information, makes a half-assed attempt to devote it to memory, regurgitates it for an exam, and then quickly forgets about it once its utility has been exhausted.
Understanding is what happens when you combine fascinating subject matter with giving a shit. You can see the information being presented in the rote stage has some merit to it, and therefore a concerted effort will be made to extract as much knowledge from the material as practicable. Pieces start coming together, things begin to “click,” and a clearer picture begins to emerge at this stage.
Application is when you get your feet wet and put your new found knowledge into practical use. You implement the prescribed theories and principles, try things out, and experiment. You take the useful components that apply to you and what you want to accomplish, and you discard the non-essential bits that do little or nothing to aid you in your goals.
Correlation is when an advanced level of comprehension is attained—everything comes into focus and you truly “get it.” And not only do you “get it,” but you understand how the knowledge procured has both mobility and relevance in closely related spheres. You have a clear grasp of the “big picture” at this final stage. However, it’s important to note that correlation must be continually built upon and expanded. One should never operate under the misapprehension that they know it all.
How it could save your life
The reason I bring all of this up is because the majority of men reading this red flag series will fall into one of two categories: those who have plenty of application with minimal understanding, and those who have plenty of understanding but little to no application.
The men who have dated a lot or have previous long term relationships know firsthand what happens when one has no understanding of female nature. These men know the feeling of pain; they know the feeling of agony and confusion one experiences if they aren’t discerning when it comes to choosing a decent mate. They are fully aware of how a woman can make a man pay dearly if he allows ignorance or idealism to obscure reality.
These men will gain the most from this series: they will have moments of clarity when things that were previously obfuscated by inexperience (or denial) become crystal clear through reading. Understanding and correlation will be acquired by these men simply from exposure to the information being presented.
It’s the second group of men that concerns me the most. These men—by and large—have their heads screwed on straight and have a great deal of rudimentary knowledge when it comes to females and their idiosyncrasies. Perhaps these men are shy or still working on self improvement to get their confidence up to snuff before getting their feet wet in the dating world. Regardless, they’ve done a lot of reading and possess a firm understanding of how things operate with women from a theoretical standpoint—they just don’t interact with women to apply any of it.
Once you do finally decide to step out into the world and begin applying what you’ve learned, you will have many “Aha!” moments when things instantly come together upon your exposure to them. And what I’m trying my damnedest to emphasize here is that once those moments of exposure come to fruition—and they will, I assure you—that you don’t fucking shrug them off, ever.
The introductory article to the Red Flag Master List series discussed rape and domestic violence. This piece will focus on a red flag that correlates with those two major deal-breakers, but isn’t quite so alarming (in the short term, anyway). If you catch wind of a woman trying to pull this particular shit-move on you, then you should anticipate the possibility of bigger issues arising in the future. With that said, let’s get on with it.
Hypochondria Or Valetudinarianism
Hypochondria, for those unfamiliar with the term, is basically when somebody blows their medical problems out of proportion. A headache is turned into an inoperable malignant brain tumor; a slightly stubbed toe becomes a compound metatarsal fracture requiring immediate reconstructive surgery; and a case of diarrhea somehow morphs into catastrophic internal organ failure—it’s all bullshit.
These are extreme examples, but you should always have an open ear for crap like, “My back hurts,” “I suffer from migraines,” or, “I was in a bad accident when I was a kid.” When you’re assessing this sort of thing in person, it’s important to pay attention to how a woman presents these issues to you: listen to her voice and watch if she makes sad, puppy dog-like eyes whenever the subject comes up—she’s fishing for empathy and gauging your susceptibility to guilt trips.
You can always tell when women are pity pandering and looking for attention by their tone and facial expressions. They will often combine exaggerated demonstrations of pain with whiny, almost baby-like voices. In other words, they act like children do when they have a “boo-boo.” It’s also crucial to take note if a woman goes to the doctor on a routine basis for innocuous issues or misses a lot of work.
People who live with chronic pain or illness mention it matter-of-factly, not in a petulant, faggoty way. They are accustomed to feeling like crap and have come to grips with their afflictions—it’s just a fact of life and they are used to it. They don’t try to make a show or spectacle out of it because it’s serious business, not show business.
Breaking It Down
You’re probably wondering: Why do women do this and why is it such a big deal? Well, garnering attention and sympathy from unsuspecting men are the primary reasons. But playing the hypochondria card as a way to weasel out of pulling their weight in a relationship setting is also a major factor. These losers will use their bullshit medical excuses to get out of doing the cooking, the cleaning, going out on dates, having sex—you name it.
In short: they’re lazy fucks who don’t want to exert themselves, and they’ll find any excuse in the book to get out of performing their duties.
Calling in sick is the best way to stay at home and get out of work, and calling in sick at home is the best way to get out of doing work there, too. If a woman shows signs of hypochondria early in your interactions, then you can expect this behavior to intensify as your relationship progresses. In other words: I hope you enjoy doing all of the chores, making all of the money, and jerking off in your “man cave” you poor no-life-having motherfucker, because that’s exactly what you have to look forward to.
And God help you if impregnate one of these flunkies because she will raise your children to be exactly like her: a bunch of whimpering, useless little turds. Every time your son’s nose dispenses a single droplet of snot she’ll be hauling the poor little son of a bitch off to the emergency room; then on to a pediatrician; then on to an ear, nose, and throat specialist; then on to a pediatric ear, nose, and throat specialist; and then on to CVS or Walgreens to get 13 fucking prescriptions filled to treat a bunch of shit he doesn’t even have. This hypochondria garbage always rubs off on the kids—always.
The children created by these women suffer greatly: they grow up thinking there’s something wrong with them, when in reality they’re perfectly normal, healthy kids. These women will also make you and your wallet suffer greatly with all of the doctor’s office visits, copayments, and pharmaceutical related expenses—even if you have good medical insurance (men living in countries with decent socialized medicine programs needn’t worry much here, I assume).
But the worst part of all is how these women seem to do everything in their power to turn their sons into wimpy little faggots. I don’t know about you guys, but I would hate to have to beat the faggot out of my own son just because I did a poor job choosing his mother.
Hypochondria can also be used as a soft gold digger tactic. Why pay your bills or spend your own money on food and entertainment when you can get a man to do it by playing the sick card? Women will generally pull this crap after having sex with you for the first time, then start dropping subtle hints about their “medical issues” and corresponding financial difficulties.
This is their sneaky way of attempting to extract cash from you when meeting up in the future: they rope you in with sex, then start the guilt tripping and manipulation. It could be for gas money, rent money, cell phone bills, electric bills—it doesn’t matter. They just want some sort of remuneration for letting you fuck them.
You should really be on the look out for this if you were able to bone a chick without spending too much money on her in the beginning. She might feel as if she didn’t “get enough” for giving you access to her beat-up pussy. If you’ve been seeing some broad for less than a month and she starts complaining about money problems while missing a lot work due to some mysterious illness—then it won’t be long for she asks you to “help her out.” You should “help her out” by telling her to go fuck herself.
A Flaking Mechanism
Many women will use hypochondria as a go-to excuse for flaking on you. “I don’t feel good,” or, “My ‘condition’ has really been bothering me lately,” said the whiny, mellow dramatic dipshit broad. However, all of these medical problems and malingering demonstrations will miraculously melt away when something “fun” or “cool” pops up—and that’s exactly how you catch them/call them out on their little charade (this only applies if you’ve been seen a woman a few times).
You: “Come over this afternoon, I have something fun in mind.”
Girl: “I don’t know… I’m really not feeling good… my Terminal Cancerous Brain AIDS has really been acting up today.”
You: “No problem… I was just thinking about flying us to the coast in my buddy’s plane, checking us into a suite at the Hilton, and then having dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant with a great view. I know someone else who will want to go, so it’s no big deal at all. You really should get some rest—hope you feel better soon.”
Girl: “Uh, but, ummm, I’m sure I’ll be feeling better later today. I just need to take some medicine. What time should I come over and should I pack a small bag? And what’s this someone else shit you’re talking about?
And that’s all you have to do, gentlemen. Throw out the opportunity to do something fun and exciting—and free for her, of course—then just sit back and watch all of these medical problems disappear faster than a Dubai dookie whore’s dignity.
You’ll feel like one of those con artist television evangelists when he says “Praise Jesus!” and then some prick magically hops out of a wheelchair and starts doing cartwheels and somersaults. “It’s a miracle, I tell you!” Nah, it’s just some good-for-nothing woman doing what she does best—being good for nothing.
An Encounter With A Real Life Hypochondriac
Once upon a time, yours truly here briefly dated a strong-and-independent woman who said she couldn’t suck my dick because she had Temporomandibular Joint Disorder of the jaw, or TMJ for short. Apparently, TMJ causes jaw pain, limited range of motion of the mandible, and clicking and popping when chewing. All I know is that blowjobs were off the table with this chick, and, needless to say, I wasn’t too impressed when she broke the news to me. We were out having a few drinks when she told me this, and my WWO (Wallet Won’t Open) Syndrome and my FTIL (Fuck This I’m Leaving) Disorder almost kicked in right there at the bar.
Now, I know some of you are probably thinking: “What’s the big deal, A.V. Yader? Getting your dick sucked by a typical strong-and-independent woman is like calling a customer service help desk and having some fucker named Sandeep in Bangalore troubleshoot your problem: after about 45 minutes of fumbling around, trying different things, exercising extreme patience and getting no results—you end up taking matters into your own hands, saying ‘fuck it’ and finishing the job yourself.”
And you would be right, I certainly don’t expect the typical strong-and-independent woman to be capable of sucking the skeleton out of a Gaboon viper, but here’s the bottom line: a woman’s mouth does four things….
1) Eats: which costs a man his money.
2) Drinks: which costs a man his money.
3) Talks: which costs a man his time and his sanity.
4) Sucks Dick: the reason a man puts up with all of the God damn eating, drinking, and talking.
If a woman is going to use a man for numbers one, two, and three—then her ass better be enthusiastic about number four as well (unless she’s a virgin or highly inexperienced). A woman who says, “I don’t do that,” when it comes to giving head is the equivalent of a man who says, “I don’t do that,” when it comes to having a fucking job and going to work. So bear that in mind the next time you interact with some slut who says she doesn’t suck dick—she’s a bum.
And that’s exactly what I was thinking as I was sitting there sipping on my Manhattan: “This bitch is a bum.” But hey—I’m a gentleman, and I did the gentlemanly thing to do in this situation: I made fun of her, and her useless piece of shit jaw. It was done in a humorous, light-hearted way, of course; but in a way that also let her know that, despite joking, I was actually skeptical of her “TMJ” claim and didn’t totally believe her.
My derision tactics had the desired effect: it made her feel insecure. This resulted in her emphatically assuring me that she would “make it up to me” when we got back to my place. We had already slept together once before, and it wasn’t too bad, so I was interested to see what she had in mind.
Come to find out, “making it up to me” consisted of her acting like a fucking weirdo and mewling out a series of frightening, high-pitched moaning (I guess they were moaning) noises while we engaged in some fairly vanilla sex. To this day, I still have no idea what the hell that was all about or what she was thinking. I didn’t know whether to cum or wheel the bitch out of my house on a dolly with a biter mask and straight jacket. She sounded a lot like the owl from the movie My Cousin Vinny.
Now, despite all of this, she and her behavior reinforced a valuable lesson, and it’s a lesson that you guys should learn as well: whenever a woman says she’s going to “make it up to you,” prepare to be pretty disappointed. Women are good at “making shit up” (stories, lies, etc.), they’re not good “making shit up to you” (favors, anal, and so on). Anyways, back to the story…
So a couple of days after we’d slept together that last time, this woman told me about how she and her donkey-faced work colleagues all chowed down on a huge bag of jerky at the office one day. “Oh my God, Jacky brought in this amazing bag of turkey jerky today. It was so good and amazing. Have you ever had it before? I mean, I ended up eating almost the whole amazing bag by myself! Hehehe…” Welcome to conversations with American chicks.
I appreciated the fact that she was an annoying idiot, though, because did me a huge favor by divulging that information—she exposed herself as a liar. It obviously goes without saying that if this broad had the jaw strength to stuff her face with some chewy-ass turkey jerky, then she certainly had the jaw strength to stuff her face with my cock. “I don’t wanna,” she said. “My jaw hurts,” she said. Ha, and who says women aren’t funny? That bitch was hilarious—I even told her so when I ditched her lying ass.
This story does have a happy ending, though. Quite a bit of time has passed since Miss Lockjaw and I had our brief little tryst, so it should come as no surprise that she went on to find herself a good man and is now happily married. I imagine that she and her husband have a very loving, trusting, and affectionate marriage. A marriage built on mutual respect and equality; one of true love that will stand the test of time.
There is little doubt that they’re both very happy, and her husband must consider himself to be a very lucky man. In fact, do you know what her doting, wonderful husband is probably doing right now? Not getting his dick sucked—that’s exactly what that fucking loser is doing.
Suitability for a long-term relationship is non-existent—you’re going to be responsible for anything and everything, and, worst of all, she will have the moral high ground on you because “she’s sick.” It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t give you sex or help you out in any way, shape, or form—“it” is always your fault, no matter what.
So, if you accumulate any mutual friends during a relationship with this type of woman, you can expect to lose them when you break up. She will tell everybody about how you’re such a terrible person because you left her when she was “ill,” thus leaving you looking like a total scumbag. If it ever comes to that, then you’ll just have to take the loss when it comes to those friendships.
These women are the path to misery, and they’re most likely hiding bigger issues. Rape fables, domestic abuse claims, and hypochondria all come from the same mentally ill place—they’re the same shit, just a different bull. And it’s for this reason that you should save any text correspondence between you and any woman who exhibits this type of behavior.
Always make sure that you have documented proof showing that, for the time you two were together, she was your cock’s biggest cheerleader. A woman of this nature could be building her way up to rape claim status, and you just might be her first target if you piss her off or make her “feel” bad. This is correlation, gentlemen—please take it seriously.
Medical issues aren’t anything to joke about—real or imagined. If a woman reveals any major issues in the beginning that turn out to be true, then that gives you a tough choice to make. If your goal is to find a woman for the long term and have children, then you must take her medical history into serious consideration. Genetics are real, and you should want to maximize your chances of producing the healthiest offspring possible. There are no guarantees in life, but stacking the deck in your favor by choosing a woman who takes care of herself and has a clean bill of health is, without question, the wisest decision you can make.
A sickly woman won’t be able to care for your kids in a way that is ideal—she will be too busy with her own problems to truly focus on anyone else, with your needs as a man being very low, to non-existent, on her list of priorities. One of the most miserable situations I can imagine would be coming home to a house full of unhealthy people who need constant care and attention. It would be heartbreaking, as well as terribly burdensome.
It’s unfortunate, because you can’t help the way you are born. But as I’ve said before: a woman’s problems are her problems; they are not your cross to bear. It doesn’t make you a dick for ditching a woman who has issues, it makes you smart. You should be smart in the beginning, and let your heart come into the picture after you’ve done your due diligence.
Most guys do it backwards: they fall in love, then they start thinking. And that’s precisely why so many men fuck up their lives. Don’t fuck up your life: memorize, understand, apply, and correlate—it’s the best way to keep yourself covered and out of trouble.
Read More: Dealing With Dangerous Game: Fatty Edition