A fatal error that too many men make in their pursuit of women is arguably not related to ‘game’ at all, but rather to social interaction. The error is this: failing to approach and interact when you see a solid indication of interest (IOI).
Whether you are looking for a girlfriend or simply to achieve more experience with women, when you are sure that a girl likes you then you absolutely must approach and talk to her. Doing so will not only most likely yield a sexual or romantic benefit, but it will also improve your self-confidence as a man.
Recognising Indicators of Interest (IOIs)
The first step, then, is for you to learn to recognise when a woman in genuinely interested in you. For the newbie this is perhaps easier said than done. For one thing, IOIs can be extremely subtle as women are not given to telegraphing their interest too overtly. We are all aware of the cliched actions that are meant to signal female attraction (hair-flicking and so on), but here is a handy list of the most likely IOIs you will encounter:
- Sustained eye contact
- Double take eye contact, where she looks at you, looks down, and then looks again as she passes
- Moving to stand near you even if she’s not looking at you
- Talking loudly to draw attention to herself
- Flushed skin
- Dilated pupils
- Light, non-sexual touches, such as on the arm of the elbow
- Her feet facing towards yours in a standing conversation
- If seated, and her legs are crossed, her knees pointing towards you
- Her paying more attention to what you have to say than anyone else in the group
- Her initiating conversation with you, or asking questions
Without a doubt, the most important indicator is eye contact, in all its glorious forms. Like most players I’ve had to grind it out over the years and put the work in converting initially skeptical girls with my scintillating wit and downright dirty flirtation, but once in a while I’ve had success handed to me on a plate. On those occasions, I could tell instantly that the girl in question was attracted to me simply by her eye contact.
What you should be looking out for is hard to describe but easy to spot. It’s that ‘rabbit caught in the headlights’ look, when a girl appears simultaneously surprised, curious, and almost shocked, as though she is seeing someone she half-recognises that she wasn’t expecting to run into.
If you are the lucky recipient of such a glance then you must act quickly and go and talk to her.
The Hungarian “Rabbit In The Headlights”
Here’s how I met Eva, a former girlfriend of mine. Eva was cute, slim-but-curvy, worked in a bank in the financial district in London and taught Zumba part time. She also had a great ass.
I first clapped eyes on her on the subway as I was going home from work one day. For whatever reason—perhaps because I’d been out talking to a lot of women at the time, and so had that post-game glow about me—she spotted me and fixed me with the most obvious “rabbit in the headlights” glance I’ve ever seen. Now, I had to go out that night and so I was in a hurry. Still, I could see that this was a gift from heaven and that I had to approach her. Unfortunately the train was packed and I couldn’t get near, so I waited until the next stop (Sloane Square) where I saw her get out.
Thinking quickly, I jumped off the train to and hot-footed it in pursuit. The station was busy and so I followed her at a slight distance until she’d passed through the ticked barriers. Summoning up my game courage (because unfortunately approach anxiety never really goes away, no matter how many times you’ve done it), I ran in front of her in true London daygame style. She clearly recognised me but fixed me with a slightly stern look, clearly not having expected to see me again. I then spat the following piece of world-class game.
“Hey. I just saw you on the train and I thought you were really cute and so I just had to come and say hi. My name’s Troy.”
We shook hands and started talking. She was quite frosty at first, telling me she was on her way to a yoga class. I said that I didn’t want to take up too much of her time and held out my phone, telling her to punch her number in, which she did. We then went our separate ways. The whole interaction took maybe three minutes at most, and it wasn’t particularly sparkling, but it didn’t matter. The look she’d given me had been unmistakable—I knew she was into me. My job was simply to approach her and not mess up. Everything else would fall naturally into place.
Sure enough, the next week we went for a drink. Pretty soon we were kissing and I’m not being self-congratulatory (because believe me I get plenty of knock-backs too) when I say that she was as turned on as I’ve ever seen a girl on a first date. Her face was flushed and she was moaning as she kissed me. She didn’t come back to my place that night (like a good EE girl, she made me wait), but when we did finally have sex it was every bit as hot as I knew it would be.
… And All Those Times When I Didn’t Follow Up on IOIs
To reiterate, the point of that story is not to self-aggrandise, but simply to demonstrate that by following up on a very obvious IOI I was able to initiate a very pleasurable experience for me and Eva. Had I not acted then we would never have spoken and consequently never got together. Even when a girl is strongly attracted to you, in most cases she won’t do anything about it and so it’s your job to initiate.
I’m not saying I never drop the ball. There have been many times that I’ve failed to follow up on IOIs, and I’ve always regretted it. And as the saying goes, rejection is better than regret. It’s always better to get blown out than not to approach at all and wonder how things might have worked out. Because while you will forget rejections pretty quickly (I can barely remember them the next week) you will remember “might have beens” for years.
Here’s just one example. Around eight years ago I was in an upscale club in London with some friends, on the prowl. As we walked across the dance floor a quite stunning girl clocked me and gave me the “rabbit in the headlights” look. Given how attractive she was I was not quite able to believe she’d checked me out, but one of my mates confirmed it, saying “did you see the way she looked at you?” Fear and hesitation prevented me from approaching her immediately, and by the time I had plucked up the courage to do so she had disappeared into the crowd. I never saw her again.
The fact that I still remember this fleeting incident despite having met many other girls since should tell you something.
When The Universe Presents An Opportunity You Must Always Take It
When you see that “rabbit in the headlights” look, or are otherwise getting solid IOIs from a girl, then you must take the bull by the horns and approach. Life can be pretty hard and things generally aren’t handed to us on a plate, so when they are we should be both thankful and proactive.
By the way, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that responding to IOIs “isn’t really game.” Sure, there’s the old concept of “fools mate” which denigrates going after obviously-interested women.While it’s true that you can’t rely on meeting strongly interested girls all the time as a strategy, life’s really too short for you to concern yourself with such things. And anyway, if you are getting obvious IOIs out there then it is likely because your holistic “game” is strong in terms of your appearance, body language, fashion, frame and so on.
So don’t make the fundamental mistake of leaving money on the table—when a girl makes it clear she’s interested in you, approach her. Go in strongly and confidently and tell her that you find her attractive and want to get to know her. If you don’t, you’ll only regret it afterwards.