A sure way for men to fail at opportunities in life, business, and with women is by half-assing it — that is, deciding on a course of action but then not following through with sufficient commitment. This is something you should avoid if you want “deep” experiences that transcend the superficial. Whenever you do anything, you should give it all you’ve got in that moment to ensure that you live as a man in the most visceral, meaningful way possible.
Live Each Moment With 100% Commitment
This summer I traveled to the south of France to see a good friend of mine get married. Now, this man is no fool and he’s more than aware of ROK, neomasculinity, and the concerns that many guys have over marriage. He is not naive and is fully cognizant of the pitfalls that can befall the unwary. He has also been very successful both in business and with girls.
Nevertheless, at the apex of his player days five years ago he met a girl who had all the characteristics he desired in a long-term partner—good looks, of course, but also a sweet, feminine nature as well as traditional values and the desire to raise a family. Wanting kids himself he proposed and they hired a beautiful chateau in the French countryside to tie the knot.
The ceremony was attended by this guy’s player friends from NYC as well as a great many high net-worth individuals from Europe and the US. Throughout, dressed in a snappy velvet designer suit, my friend was ebullient and played the role of the dashing bridegroom with complete conviction.
When we talked about it afterwards he had something interesting to say.
It’s not that I don’t have my doubts about marriage, Troy. Of course I do. But I want a family and I’ve chosen to stick with this girl. Now, things may not turn out the way I want them to, sure. But you saw me up there making my speech. I committed 100%. Even if you think that doubts may arise in the future, to get the most out of life you should own everything you do entirely. If you change your mind somewhere down the line afterwards, at least in that moment you’ve experienced whatever it was on a deep level.
Before people start going on about divorce rape in the comments section, I am of course only using my friend’s wedding as an example (disclaimer: enter into marriage at your own risk!). But I think the point holds good. If you’re going to do something then you might as well do it like you mean it. That way you’ll get more out of the experience than if you just go through the motions.
If you want to be a player, then be a player—go out as often as you can and interact with as many girls as possible. If you like a girl and you get into a relationship with her then have fun being her boyfriend and don’t get hung up on whether walking around theme parks hand-in-hand wearing matching sweaters is “alpha” or not. If you want to start a business then take a deep breath, commit, and give it everything you’ve got.
In each of these scenarios you should keep giving all you’ve got until such time as you change your mind and decide to take another course, or until the situation for whatever reason becomes unworkable (i.e. your business goes bust or things turn sour with your girl).
In Game, You Should Give Each Interaction 100% Too
This philosophy also holds good in game, and in particular when you first approach. I was recently talking to a coaching client who has had difficulty meeting women for most of his life. He told me that he normally goes in with an indirect opener, such as “Can you tell me where the nearest Starbucks is,” and then, if he senses any interest on her part, attempts to transition to a longer conversation. Unfortunately he has had little traction with this method up to now.
Now, while I have no issue with indirect openers per se and have used them successfully many times in the past myself, my sense was that this man wasn’t committed enough to his approaches and was “letting himself off the hook.”
Men (and women) generally want to avoid rejection as it can be painful and humiliating. One way of mitigating its painful sting is by pretending to ourselves and others that we weren’t actually that bothered in the first place. Say you approach a girl, make like you’re not interested, and she turns you down. No big deal, right? You didn’t care anyway.
But the problem with this strategy is that you don’t generally get a reward without some risk. The romantic gestures that get girls’ hearts (and vaginas) fluttering tend to be those where the guy has put himself on the line. In simple terms this means that it is much more impressive—because it takes more balls—to walk up to a girl in a crowded cafe, look her in the eye and tell her that you think she is hot than to ask her where the soya milk is in the hope of this leading on to something more exciting.
Walk Up To Her With Intent
Whether you go direct or indirect, make sure that you walk up to the girl with intent and that you communicate your masculinity (in contrast to her femininity) through every aspect of your presentation from the way you carry yourself (shoulders back, taking up a lot of space, walking like a CEO) to strong eye contact, a deep voice, and slow speech. The overall effect should be to make it obvious that, regardless of what is coming out of your mouth, you want to have sex with her.
When faced with a confident man who sexually desires her, a girl is either going to accept or reject him. So be it. Don’t be tempted to half-ass it to let yourself off the hook. Make your interest plain, either through what you say or with your body, and let her decide.
You may think that by not committing 100% to the approach you will make things a little easier on yourself. Well, perhaps you’re right, but you will also reduce your chances of getting that girl exponentially. So go to it, lay it on the line and let the chips fall where they may.
Committing 100% To Everything You Do Will Make Your More Fulfilling
Life is characterized by uncertainty and it can often be difficult to know whether we’ve made the right decision or not. Should you leave the company you work for? Should you take that new job? Should you move to Eastern Europe? Should you start your own business or form a relationship with that particular girl? In each of these cases there are too many unforeseen variables to calculate which call is the “right” one.
Instead of worrying, though, it is far better to embark on a course of action and proceed with 100% commitment as though you are absolutely certain that what you are doing is right. Of course, you should always take advice, but beyond that, by committing to something entirely you will enjoy a far greater depth of experience than you would by simply dipping your toe into the water without taking the plunge.
And remember, nothing is forever. If things don’t work out, you can always change tack down the line.
Read More: How to Make Her Your Girlfriend