You can find plenty of attractive, interesting girls in nightclubs. That said, the greater superficiality of the nightclub scene, the ability of people to act completely different in “real life” and other problems, particularly those alcohol or marriageability-related, mean that many men are not sure where to turn for something else. They intrinsically know that more normal situations are the way to go in finding girls, especially as their responsibilities in life grow. But how?
Finding normal girls should not be confused with so-called day game vs. club game distinctions. The contours of each category are rough but manageable. Pursuing normal girls can occur at night, such as at a cultural exhibition, walking by the river or savoring the cuisine of a new restaurant. Normal girls can also be girls who otherwise go to clubs; it’s about context.
The general rule of thumb is that events with real life girls do not involve (copious) alcohol consumption, dancing (aside from a dance class), loud music or some kind of large celebration, which are the sorts of ingredients younger men rely on too much for finding and bedding women. And this is usually without knowing anything substantial or verifiable about the girl they’re exchanging bodily fluids with!
This article assumes you have met a girl you can potentially spend a lot of time with and have preexisting tools to spark her interest. It is about crafting positive opportunities to see them more regularly and helping both of you enjoy shared moments. What it does require is a willingness to remind yourself about simple habits you must practice again and again, in addition to inserting your own individualized routines.
Have a number of things going for you that you can prove implicitly
Men underestimate this essential factor (and overestimate their fulfillment of it) all the time. In a society where the majority of adults are overweight, they think that simply being non-overweight and moderately fit is an achievement. Likewise, they believe that reading one book about learning French makes them interested in French language and culture. You need not be a total expert in an area but you need to have a demonstrable appearance, knowledge or proficiency to match what you say you like or are good at. Girls can tell this, even unconsciously.
It is much easier to fake personality and other traits in a staccato-style nightclub environment, where half-meaningful conversations are regularly interrupted by favorite songs, different dance moves and an approaching friend. Not being where you want to be in multiple areas should not stop your overall transition to finding normal girls. Nonetheless, be prepared for a significant personal evolution as you steadily build up your level of female contacts and individual experiences with each of them.
Quantify and document where you are in each area of your life, such as:
Fitness: Weight and body fat both now and for your desired level of fitness? Average number of quality gym sessions per week now and in the future (be realistic!)? What do you eat now and what should you be eating?
Career: Are you doing what you want or what’s easy? For students, are you studying what Mom and Dad wanted you to or what you wanted? If you’re in the workforce, are you chasing a pay check or moving towards your dream career? Instead of just earning an income, what else are you working at or studying on the side?
Experiences: Did you climb a local mountain last week or settled for storming a fortress in a Playstation game, as you do every weekend? Having your regular hobbies (gaming, mixing with friends at the bar, playing golf etc) is fine but it’s what so many others do. Few people have the energy, drive, and grit to do more than live week to week. And when you vacation, do you explore voraciously or stay within a few blocks of your hotel?
Spiritual and Relaxation: When was the last time you took a walk to think about life in general, observe nature or just switch off? And what about some other perspective-giving activities?
What next, you ask? Develop a plan, for the areas I mentioned and other common sense ones, and do five things towards them, each and every day. In a little over three months, that’s 500 steps towards being a guy who has multiple things going for him. Women will notice. Most importantly, you will, too.
Force her to invest and entwine your interests
There are plenty of ways to do this. For example, one of my favorites is to ask the girl for a book recommendation and then recommend one to her. After one or two meetings, I often steer a girl into a bookstore and we buy our recommendations for each other. If I hate her recommendation, I read a summary online and pretend I devored it, even if I later tell her I disagreed with the author’s style. In fact, at least half of the time I do.
Take turns picking films at the cinema. Repeat the book exercise. Force her to think. Her expending effort thinking about what to do with and for you ensures that you live on in her mind well beyond the times you are actually with her. It shows a depth to your personality as well, one few men ever bother to create. Sure, you can impress her with abs or a fat wallet. Take it further, however.
Do not confuse this with either giving her unnecessary control or doing things you absolutely hate to please her. There are plenty of ways to avoid boredom and connect. Avoid hated activities of yours that she loves and move to something similar but more to your liking. And if she does not have enough interests that you can enjoy with her, why are you even spending time with her?
Cultivate location diversity
You can go to many different clubs, each with their own feel, style of music or stereotypical customers, but the diversity is much less than normal game. Use this to your advantage. Depending on the respective interests of you and the girls you meet, aim to expose her to three different normal locations in your first three meetings, four in your first five meetings and at least seven in your first ten meetings. You should have regular haunts to breed some familiarity but the idea is to open up her world. Not all the different locations need to be new ones for her yet many should be. Remember, variety is the spice of life.
The idea here is to give her as many emotional connections as you can. Emotional connections are not about love, of course (at least not in the beginning). They are about the simple gut associations a girl feels about you, your presence and what you do together. You want a rich tapestry of these for girls you like.
Over a 30 day period, how many men can say they have taken a girl to at least eight of these kinds of locations, in addition to cafés, bars, cinema and obvious nature attractions like city rivers and parks:
- Cultural days or exhibitions
- National parks
- Book signings
- Language classes
- Dance classes
- Horseback riding
- Whitewater rafting
- Rock climbing
- Day trips to a nearby town or city
I could add another 25 categories but you get the picture.
Ready yourself for a journey of self-improvement and learning
The buzz you get pursuing normal girls needs to be created consciously by you. Almost anyone can be excited by a party, dance to their favorite song or get Dutch courage from a couple swigs with Mr. Jack Daniels. By all means, mix and match your nightclub experiences with your normal, real life ones. Just make sure you can see a life beyond that nightclub door.
Never take your foot off the pedal when it comes to seeking out normal girls. It is as much about training the girl as it is about enjoying your time together. Ultimately, your ability to find the best girl for you requires the best version of you.