The 3 Golden Rules For Getting Laid In New York City

The following article was sponsored by Naughty Nomad

Hi guys, Mark Zolo here from Naughty Nomad. Over the years, I’ve contributed over 100 city guides for men in our little corner of the internet, and as some of you may or may not know I’ve spent the last two years living in the Dirty Rotten Apple. After countless nights of research and bedding more than my fair share of New Yorkers—sometimes two at time or three in a day for good measure—I’ve recently published the very first Bachelor’s Guide to New York City, which Neil Strauss himself described as “fucking funny”.

Anyway, today I wanted to share three golden rules I’ve learned when it comes to getting laid in New York City.

1. Hunt In Your Backyard

Girls in New York are lazy and apathetic. Getting laid in New York is like getting take out—it’s all about speed and convenience—and nothing will cockblock you harder than bad logistics. Women here won’t bother walking ten blocks for pizza when there’s a deli on the corner. They don’t care how awesome you are; for them, it’s all about what requires the least amount of effort.

Try invite a Jersey girl back to Astoria or a Bushwick broad back to the Bronx and they’ll laugh in your face. As for Manhattanites, you have a better chance getting your granny to twerk for YouTube than getting those girls to cross a river. The primal ape within her sees a large body of water and instinctively cowers back to the safety of the island interior. As such, the minute you mention you live in another borough, her vagina will dry up like the Sahara. Oh sure, you might get lucky once and awhile; she could be super desperate or have her own place nearby and invite you home—but you can’t count on that.

The biggest piece of advice I can give anybody coming to NYC is hunt locally. That means that if you live in Brooklyn, party in Brooklyn. If you live Queens, party in Queens. And if you live in the Bronx, well, then you should consider moving.

2. Forget About Numbers

Quite possibly, you’re dealing with the flakiest women in the universe. Forget about getting phone numbers; it’s do or die in this city. There are exceptions, but generally girls here dole out their number to any guy who asks for it out of politeness to avoid an awkward interaction. By the time you text her, you’ll likely be reduced to another annoying vibrate alert, a blurry face in the cloud of cocks pining for her attention.

There are so many dudes in the race that you’re not even a contender. Even if you get some digits after making out with a girl, there’s a high probability you’ll never hear from her again. Don’t take it personally. Understand that New York females have so many options that they just don’t want to waste their time.

3. Know When to Strike, And Strike Fast

Building on the second rule, speed is everything in NYC. It’s go-go-go in this city. A lot of guys who move here learn this pretty quickly, but then they make the mistake of being too direct and coming on too strong. The trick is finding a happy medium.

You need to hang back a little at the start. Approach without hesitation, but don’t sexualize the conversation too early. Don’t buy drinks (too many guys make that basic mistake here) and keep it fun and neutral. Wait until you feel the bite before you move forward, but the minute you feel it, put that peddle to the mother-f**kin’ floor! It’s the same night or you can take a hike.

I don’t care if you have to bang her in the bathroom or down an alleyway, just get ‘er done. Even if one night stands aren’t you’re thing and you’re looking for a serious relationship, understand that if you move slow you’ll be forgotten about. Fortune favors the bold. Sometimes it’s not always possible to seal the deal, but if see an opportunity, it’s your job to get as far as you can, as fast as you can, because once she’s released back into the concrete jungle, you’ll probably never see her again.

I hoped this helped, guys.

To learn more about picking up in New York City and for a full breakdown of the women, neighborhoods, and nightlife, pick up a copy of my comprehensive 140-page guidebook, Naughty Nomad’s Guide to New York City.

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