An important lesson I learned is that “bad things” aren’t necessarily bad things in the long run. Matter of fact, sometimes the absolute worst thing to happen to you in the present could be the greatest blessing in your life. So if you…
ever get fired from a job,
dumped by a girl, or
can’t afford college and need to drop out
chances are you likely…
avoided a career in a field you would hate,
a psycho drama queen that would have divorced you anyway, and
a crippling level of student debt for a law degree that is worthless.
It’s nearly impossible to tell if “tragedy” is tragedy indeed.
However, a very interesting “bad thing” that happened to me and nearly every man alive here is that of the collapse of the nuclear family. Specifically, the utter deterioration in the quality and caliber of parents and parenting in the past 50 years. Whether you want to look at divorce rates, feminism’s brainwashing of Western women, the outsourcing of child rearing to the state, or the single or deadbeat parent epidemic, parents, especially of the Baby Boomer and Gen X vintage, are absolutely atrocious.
Of course, while it was happening the absentee parenting and a general wholesale of our children to the state daycare and school industrial complex seemed like a “bad thing.” We all endured 13 years of prison known as “school.” Half of us come from broken homes. We wandered in the desert without strong, fatherly leadership suffering needlessly decades of confusion and torment when it came to dating, love, and marriage. And many of you are likely stuck under the tonnage of student loans because your parents said, “follow your heart and the money will follow.”
But ironically this collapse of the most important part of American and Western culture ended up being a HUGE blessing for me (and many men within the ‘sphere). For without it, I and all the other men who make a living in the manosphere and neo-masculinity areas would have to have regular jobs. Instead, thankfully, we get to help out our younger internet brothers by passing on the lessons we had to learn the hard way so you can have easier lives than we did. And that “career” would never have been possible if we didn’t first go through that baptism by fire.
Unfortunately, however, this “silver lining to the clouds” does not negate the fact there are clouds. And a dark and tragic trend I’ve noticed is that parents aren’t getting any better. They’re actually getting worse. A disturbingly high percentage of my clients are young men (and women) who live under a household headed up by what is nothing short of abusive parents.
Of course we have to be careful here. Just because your dad won’t let you go out past 2 AM while you live at home at 17 is NOT abuse. Or that your parents insist on you getting a job or something a child simply does not like is NOT abuse. Sadly, this is not what I’m seeing in my little world.
I have clients whose parents threaten to disown them if they change their religion.
Clients whose parents would cut them off if they dated outside their race.
Parents who are drug addicts and steal their childrens’ pittance of money they make working fast food.
And parents who demand their children live at home so they can collect more welfare or section 8 housing.
The list goes on, but the problem is that it forces young boys and girls into an impossible situation. One where they have to raise themselves. And not just raise themselves, but be able to identify that their situation is NOT acceptable, escape, SUPPORT THEMSELVES, AND know enough to undo all the damage their parents caused. It is again, an impossible situation, especially if you’re under 18.
Still, like the Marines say, “We don’t want to hear problems. Only solutions.” And since this is a growing demographic of young men and women (sometimes, boys and girls) who are in desperate need of help, some advice on raising yourself might be in order.
You’re On Your Own Now, Son!
The first thing you have to do is truly determine if your parents are indeed abusive. This is somewhat tricky, as in today’s world our Millennial and younger children are such drug-induced basket cases and brainwashed into professional victimhood by their teachers, a mere NORMAL and COMMON disagreement with their parents would falsely be flagged as abuse. It’s up to you to be intellectually honest to determine if your parents are genuinely abusive and you’re not just being a whiny, spoiled cunt.
There are obvious cases of abuse such as physical violence, theft, drugs, and assault, whether it’s against you personally or family members. In clear cut cases such as these, you are very much within the right and likely need to call child protective services, the cops, or (if you’re older than 18) move out and have nothing to do with the family again.
But beyond that it gets a little gray and into the world of “mental” or “verbal” abuse. Again, because the amorphous nature of these types of abuse they are prone to be taken advantage of by petulant little children similar to a witch hunt. But a lot of times these ARE indeed genuine forms of abuse. But unlike your dad clobbering you one or your mom bringing in a new and genetically different half-sibling every 10 months, some of this is not so black and white. Especially if you are significantly younger.
If you’re 5 (and you should not be on this site if you are) your parents very much have the authority and right to tell you to go to church. If you’re 10 your parents very much have the right to set you a bedtime. And if you’re 13, you’re parents very much have the right to tell you you can and cannot date. But it gets less gray when you get into your late teens and certainly once you pass the age of 18 and become an adult. At this point your parents should have taught you independent thought and made a case for why they want you to be the way they do.
Your parents should have made their arguments for why you should go to bed before 3AM if you have school or work the next day. And your parents should have explained why it’s probably not the best thing to date a socialist, teenage parent with a criminal record who’s still working on their GED and on Ritalin. But if they then threaten you with ostracization, cutting you off financially, or (worse) disowning you because you “won’t go to church” will “date a black guy” or “want to go to trade school instead of medical school (true story)” that is most definitely abuse in that they are tyrants who simply do not respect you as an individual, but worse, view you as a piece of property they own.
How Do You Know You’re In A Prison?
The second thing that must be addressed is that many times you may not KNOW how to assess this, as your ENTIRE life and upbringing has been under this environment. The North Korean people, who nearly everybody in the Western world feels pity for, very much hate everybody in the West. The reason is that they’ve been brainwashed after 70 years of communist rule. Nearly every Christian girl I dated was “tormented” over pre-marital sex as their biology was telling them one thing, while their fathers and Jesus were telling them (an obsoleted) other.
Whatever the case, you are conditioned both by your genetics and your environment to love your parents and never leave them, no matter how indifferent and uncaring they are to you. Going against them takes a completely revolutionary way of thinking that you have just not been programmed to do. But if I could recommend a “test” to help determine if your parents are overly controlling, it is one where your gut instinct just tells you your parents don’t love you.
Every human has this genetic instinct of self-respect. The reason why is self-respect is self-preservation and is genetically programmed into your DNA. Thus, even at the young age of three you should be able to determine whether to trust somebody (stranger in a dark van asking you if you want candy) with or without parental or environmental conditioning. And if you have that feeling in your gut that your dad who gives you a bedtime of 8PM at the age of 18 (true story) doesn’t REALLY like you, chances are it’s true.
Your Parents Are Just Idiots
The third and final thing you need to assess is whether your parents are just plain idiots. Being stupid is obviously not abuse, as it is not malicious nor selfish. However, it does determine whether you should follow the 5th commandment and “honor they mother and father.” This doesn’t mean you hate them, but why would you look up to a parent who’s collecting welfare? Why would you admire or respect a parent who at 55 still has student loans and a mortgage? Why would you “honor” a parent that even with social security and medicare hints that they may need you to take care of them because they so piss-poorly managed their lives?
Again, a lot of this you will not be able to assess at a young age, but when you’re 18 you should at least be able to look at your parents and say, “OK, do I want to be like them when I’m their age? And if not, what did they do so I know PRECISELY what mistakes to avoid and never make in my own life.” This is certainly a lot easier than trying to emancipate yourself from an abusive alcoholic father, but a challenge nonetheless in that you have to find alternative sources of wisdom and parenting so you do NOT end up like your loser parents.
The fourth and final thing you’re going to need to do is leave. And not just leave, but support yourself financially. The cowardice I see in the parents of my clients who instead of using reason and love, threaten their children with cutting them off financially enrages me. At the age of 16, 17, or 18 you are not only still reliant upon your parents, but are likely entering the most poverty-stricken half-decade of your life – college.
Combine this with absolutely no employable skills, the threat of pulling the purse strings is one that literally threatens your livelihood. Still, it doesn’t change the fact you need to support yourself financially for 100% of ALL your needs. Food, clothing, shelter, tuition, lip balm, toilet paper, utilities, everything. It’s all on you. The only other option you have is to go back to an abusive home and never really or truly live a free life.
However, as hellish this guaranteed-to-be-a-nightmare is going to be, it is better that living under an abusive home. You may not have food, but you will have freedom. You may be sleeping on a couch, but you have the right to come home when you see fit. You may be going into debt to pay for tuition, but you won’t have your money stolen or be forced to tithe 10% to a
defunct state religion. And you may be down and depressed, but you will find your own family either through friends or a spouse, and they will treat you better.
It’s the best life you can live, no matter what disadvantages life gave you.