How does one reply to “are you my daddy”? I have practiced safe sex since the concept was first introduced to me so there was never any concern of having an illegitimate three-year-old African American child (no that is not an underlying racial joke, I myself am of African American descent). Quickly I gathered my senses and cheerfully replied “no, just your teacher!” but the child sternly insisted “no you are my daddy.”
Before more discord could be exchanged the child’s mother picked him up while I went about my business of tending towards seventeen fertile minds. Yet as the day ensued my mind became preoccupied by thoughts on what would become of the child without a prominent father figure in his life.
As a male educator in a field that is predominantly maternal, you have no idea (unless you are one) how paramount your role in a child’s life can be. YOU essentially set the standard of what a positive male archetype should be during the quintessential “formative years.” Yet the incessant need to infantilize children in an ever-growing-I’m-offended-by-everything-PC world has left society clueless as to how detrimental this approach truly is. Be it the need to blame first person shooter games or cyber-bullying, somewhere along the way we have forgotten how important the family dynamic is.
In any event, the purpose of this article is to help those like the child I mentioned (shall he ever come across this article) along with the men that frequent this site understand an ethos that many fail to comprehend. Although being twenty five years of age maybe off-putting to some, I am confident that my chosen profession along with my life experiences make me more than qualified to speak on the subject matter at hand.
A Brief Overview
The details are hazy but my parents split after I was born. However luckily for me, my dad stood present in my life and my grandfather stepped up to the plate as well. The end result was an upbringing that for the most part was enjoyable. Looking back on what I admired about both parties was the following:
- Both were self made men who possessed an indomitable will not only to succeed but positively affect those that they came into contact with.
- They swiftly dealt with any form of adversity instead of using excuses or others as a means of coping or scapegoats.
- They were healthy in body, mind and spirit. Furthermore they exuded personality traits that were naturally debonair, not forced.
Off the top of my head there are about a legitimate handful of friends I can think of whom shared similar circumstances as me and as a result have turned out to be well mannered and driven men (and as you can imagine these are why they are my friends).
Meanwhile, the contrasting demographic that I am encountering have been brainwashed by this everyone is a winner mentality. The result? The kids who I see vehemently talking back to their parents or impudent teenagers shooting up schools as a result of “affluenza.”
Meanwhile In Other Parts Of The World
There is a book I would highly recommend called Their Name is Today: Reclaiming Childhood in a Hostile World. by Johann Arnold. At the core of it, the book satirizes how we on the Western side of the world have traded in a prosperous childhood for chasing an unattainable sense of perfection determined by scantron sheets.
The book goes onto highlight the benefits of home schooling, with a notable example stemming from children in Finland. With a literacy rate of 100% it is intriguing to know that normally their education begins at the age of six along with their day at 10am! The end result is a country that is notable for possessing the best education in the world.
Now I am sure many will involve politics and say that they are a socialist country, but at the end of the day no one can debate that their children are significantly happier. And as someone whose been raised by his grandparents; it is also important to note that countries like Finland make it a point to let their children view the elderly as respectable figures in society to learn from. Not the hostile disposition we have inherited when it comes to handling them over here in the states.
With That Said
Here are some values to take into consideration:
- Fitness should be instilled at an early age and go beyond a right to be vainglorious. From a spiritual standpoint, it is mentally cleansing and rewarding.
- Put down the iPad, video game controller, Kindle and learn to fall in love with literature. My father always made it a point to sit me down on Sundays to read the New York Times and if I did not understand a particular word, the dictionary was the only option.
- Spend time with your kid! Instead of having a preconceived notion of what your child should be, let him grow into himself while serving as the positive influence that will lay down ground rules to ensure both of you are on amicable grounds all the while facilitating a healthy relationship.
Peter Dolving (ex vocalist of The Haunted, Thieves and Liars, Science and House of Dolving) once stated in an interview
PLEASE don’t fear your kid. No matter how intense they are. They are full of love, full of light, and full of capacity for great great things.(Unless they are psychopaths, in which case you will know it really quick, and you should get all the professional help you can.)
But really, your kids will reflect you and what you are and what you do directly. If you think they’re fucking obnoxious, maybe you should just give them more attention? If they’re very withdrawn, give them room. But always, always, always make sure to speak with them as your equals. They are. Just smaller and with less time here on planet Earth. Parenting is about participating, ushering, and really communicating. So folks, off to the library with you, and be fucking fearless.
Praise Your Parents For Their Falling Out
All too often we hear the term “daddy or mommy issues” come from a woman’s perspective, but many fail to realize that men can come from similar circumstances as well. Instead of applying a Freudian approach as to why you feel the way you do, understand that forgiveness is key. At some point in our lives we embrace the concept of letting go, be it the random pedestrian who stifles your morning commute to the envious opposition you may encounter in any setting.
Sooner or later we learn that is simply best to shrug it off instead of brood over negative catalysts. With that said your parents equally deserve the same treatment. In retrospect it makes no sense being mortal enemies with whomever is responsible for your existence. You may have not gotten the ideal family sitcom upbringing many yearn for, but understand that it has made you are.
Their decisions were not yours to make and the life you lead is not theirs to claim. Learn from them either firsthand or from a distance. Either way your focus should be on your path, not living a life that is riddled with resentment over an outcome you had no control over.
Back In The States
Not too long ago I had to attend an obligatory sporting event for the children at my school. Each participant was rewarded medals solely for their participation. If you do not see anything wrong with this, then you represent one of the many brainwashed masses conditioned to believe everyone is a winner just for showing up.
Instead we should be helping today’s children realize the plethora of untapped potential they inherently possess, not instilling this level of subconscious complacency that governs their demeanor. I cannot speak on the future of females to come but there was once a time that boys were brought up to be men.
It is bewildering how being urbane has been traded in for man buns and other androgynous trends. Whether you plan on starting a family, have a job that pertains to dealing with children, or have been recently introduced to the red pill, be the walking advertisement for how men should be.
All it takes is one encounter for a child to be eternally grateful of how much your influence had a positive impact on their life.
Read More: The 6 Commandments Of Masculinity