5 Things I Learned From My English Friend With Benefits

Despite my recent rant against Tinder, not long ago I used it to pick up a new girl from London we’ll call Amelia. I’ve seen her three times in the last few weeks and in between sex sessions we’ve had long conversations that have reinforced a number of the “home truths” about male-female relations that we often discuss here on ROK.

One of the most interesting — and at times unnerving — aspects of being an aware neomasculine male is just how frequently real life (away from the websites and blogs and forums) so accurately reflects what we theorise about online. Sometimes you get a double-take moment, when a girl says something that sounds so much like it could have come out of an ROK article that it’s almost funny.

What follows is a list of five things Amelia has said or done recently which are worth discussion. Take them as watch-outs — little indicators of how millennial females really think, and be sure to adjust your behaviour accordingly.

1. English Girls Test Really Hard

I start with a note on what it’s like to date an English girl, for those who live in the UK or are planning a trip here.

It is something of a cliche in London that most of the players here end up sleeping with foreign girls — Polish, Bulgarian, Asian, or from the middle-East. Guys will often claim that this is because the girls are hotter. While there is some truth in this, the more cynical reason touted is that these girls are easier to pull (for English men, at least).

Amelia is in her twenties and works in a professional job in the city. She is from an upper-middle class family and went to an all-girls, fee-paying school. As such, she is high-value in her attitude and her expectations. What does this mean in practice? Constant shit tests and a lot of LMR.

If you date an English girl of her kind, then what you’re likely to get is persistent prodding about your masculinity, about your social ability, perhaps even your sexuality. All of this will be delivered in rapid, high-pitched millennial-speak. Anyone who’s seen the UK TV show Made in Chelsea will know exactly what I mean.

This is not because girls like Amelia are inherently evil, or that English girls are bad people. It’s simply that their sense of entitlement has been raised exponentially by the culture that surrounds them. It’s the player’s job to become smooth at deflecting tests (simply ignoring them works well in most cases) rather than to get caught up in a spiral of negativity.

If the game is rigged then you must learn how to play it better.

2. Guys Get Disqualified Because They Are Not Forward Enough

Now we come to the first of the insights that Amelia revealed. As you would expect, she gets messaged by a lot of guys on Tinder and had been on a few dates recently — but according to her the guys she’d met had been “really nice” and “looking for girlfriends.” These guys she quickly disqualified. Why? Because, as she explained to me, they simply didn’t press the sexual agenda hard enough. I did, and I fucked her straight away.

The irony is that the guys she rejected were almost certainly better “relationship material” than me. But they didn’t get a look in because they led with a provider frame rather than a lover frame. This is the death of romance, even if you are seeking a relationship.

It’s a truism on men’s websites, but if you want to get a girlfriend you really do have to be a lover first, before you commence with the lovey-dovey stuff. Only once she’s hooked on your dick is it even slightly safe to let her to see you as a potential boyfriend, and any move in this direction must come from her — i.e she should be trying to lock you down, not the other way round.

The other thing to consider is, of the guys who said that they were looking for a girlfriend, to her how many of them really just wanted to fuck her? I’m guessing fairly pretty high percentage. If you are the type of man who hides your sexual desire for a girl behind a reflected purity, then stop immediately. Amelia’s disdainful response to her Tinder orbiters should tell you all you need to know.

By the way, you should also watch the degree to which you invest when you are sending a girl texts or WhatsApp messages. Amelia showed me a message thread from another poor sap and laughed at the length of his messages in comparison to hers. Apparently this guy was really good looking, but his messaging communicated neediness and his failure to take the initiative and actually ask her out disqualified him, demonstrating that physical appearance alone isn’t enough.

3. Girls Really Don’t Like Men Crying

Amelia described an ex-boyfriend crying and her demeanour while she did so was nothing short of disgusted. “I don’t think men should ever cry,” she said, with visceral disgust etched deep on her face.

Guys, we all love our mothers, but it is with our mothers that female sympathy and nurturing ends. Slim, attractive young women’s vaginas are dried out by emotional men. If you want to get laid then put on that poker face and don’t give a fuck about anything. It’s the only way.

4. They Think Asking “To Be Friends” Is Weird

Apparently, Amelia dumped her last fuck buddy when she sent him a nude picture by way of a booty call and he invited her over to his place for “cuddles.” When she arrived, wetter than the London night, he literally cuddled her — no sex was delivered at all.

After this gross display of unmanliness, Amelia rightly dumped him by text (making an excuse that things “weren’t going anywhere”). Rather than accept this dismissal and move on, three days later he texted her again and asked if they could be friends. God knows what he as thinking, but again, Amelia’s look of disgust at this weak behaviour spoke volumes.

Guys, don’t ask girls to be friends after you’ve fucked them, or after you’ve made it obvious that you’d like to fuck. She knows what the deal is and she knows that you are willingly selling yourself short. Have some self-respect and walk.

5. They Love To Be Challenged, Emotionally AND Sexually 

Like all girls of her age, Amelia bangs on constantly about Fifty Shades of Grey. She has also called me as her Christian Grey, and mentioned that I’m hard to work out, or a “challenge.”

Clearly, girls like to be dominated, hence that book’s popularity. A little light dominance in the bedroom works wonders – spanking, rough sex and so on. But more than that, you must ensure that you always remain a little out of reach — and that you are consequently hard to work out — on an emotional and intellectual level too.

How to do this? It’s simple — as always, you need to ensure that you maintain abundance. And the way to do that, as you know, is to always be approaching other girls, and keeping your pipeline brimming with new prospects.

Read More: How To Make Out With a Girl Without Getting ‘The Cheek’