One of the key pieces of game advice that most men would do well to internalise is to become more sexual with the women they date. In my experience, the thing that really separates successful seducers from onanistic dilettante entertainers is their ability to move things forward physically on a date or in a club. Key to this is the ability to kiss (i.e. make out with) a girl successfully at the right time.

The truth about makeouts

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Unfortunately a makeout does not mean that you will sleep with any given girl. Guys new to game can get very excited about kissing new girls in nightclubs, little realising how infrequently such dalliances convert into lays. If the number of girls I’ve slept with is in the hundreds, then the number of makeouts I’ve had sits comfortably in the thousands.

Why should this be the case? My theory is that while girls of course get supremely horny (particularly just prior to their periods), because their requirement for sex is generally less urgent than men’s, they can enjoy the sexual frisson that a makeout can bring without necessarily feeling compelled to follow through to sex. For this reason you should take care not to be the “club makeout guy” — essentially just an entertainer, as unmemorable for her after a night out as the cloakroom staff.

All of that said, makeouts are without a doubt very important in the seduction process. Why? It’s very simple. While you can in theory sleep with a girl without having kissed her first, no girl who won’t kiss you will go to bed with you. Therefore a makeout serves the dual purpose of testing her compliance while simultaneously pumping her state and getting her turned on.

Fear

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For many guys starting out, though, the idea of going in for a kiss is terrifying — principally because they are afraid that the girl will turn her cheek and reject it. In a way, their fear is justifiable, as it speaks to the compliance significance of makeouts we’ve just discussed. As even the most sheltered chode intuits, a kiss separates a friendly, “friend zone”-type interaction from a sexually charged one. So there’s a lot riding on “going in for the kill,” as failure means that you have been rejected as a sexual prospect – a crushing thought for many new guys.

A lot of men — myself included when I started — would rather not risk it and so they keep chatting away about inconsequential nonsense, hopefully that something will happen naturally. But here’s a pro tip: it won’t. Women very rarely if ever initiate physical interactions. As the guy it’s your job to do so, so you must man up and get to work.

How to go in for a kiss

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One of the biggest realizations I’ve had in game is just how frequently girls will reject your first attempt at a kiss even when she’s attracted to you. This may sound like small beans in the world’s philosophical insights but it’s actually incredibly freeing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a date with a girl only for her to give me the cheek again and again, sometimes five times or more, before finally acquiescing to the makeout. If only I’d have known this back when I was a teenager, when one rejected kiss would have meant months in my bedroom listening to The Smiths, covered in shame.

In order to set things up as effectively as possible for a successful makeout you first need to ensure you’re physical with her from the off. Little touches count. A kiss on both cheeks when you first meet her, touches to her lower arms and shoulders while you make points, a firm hand on her lower back as you guide her through a busy venue. All of these things, though minor in themselves, will help to build up a sense of physical intimacy between you, ensuring that the kiss, when it does come, won’t seem half as jarring or unexpected.

Now that you are comfortable with one another, you are ready to make out. But when is the “right” time? While there is no exact prescription for this, I can guarantee that you can kiss her sooner than you think. In fact, given what I’ve already said about girls’ tendencies to turn down initial attempts even when they’re attracted, then you might as well start as early as possible.

These days, I will usually go in for a kiss within the first fifteen minutes, sometimes sooner. Why waste time? As a general rule of thumb though, if you’re not confident in being so bold, the girl will signal that she’s ready to be kissed in a very subtle way. Usually there will be a small pause in the conversation and she’ll shoot you a micro-glance, as though she’s expectant of something. This is the point at which you must act – if you don’t then the moment will be lost and you may not recover it.

To kiss her, place your hand confidently but gently on her cheek. If you want, you can caress her face a little or stroke her hair. Then move her face so that she is looking at you. Now move in close, without hesitating, aiming your lips at hers. If you receive no resistance then go for it. After your lips have touched she should open her mouth slightly, allowing you to put your tongue in. You can now move your hand away from her face, perhaps moving it to her leg to sexualise things a little. A good way to spice the kiss up and display dominance is to bite her bottom lip gently. This stops things from getting too vanilla.

Getting “The Cheek”

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What to do if you “get the cheek”? As discussed, in many cases, especially if you’ve gone in early, she will reject your first attempts by turning her head away when you try to kiss her. Many men are so horrified by this eventuality that they are scared even to make an attempt, but you shouldn’t be. Instead, just realise that it happens to everyone and that it’s part of the process.

Smirk, pull back, talk about neutral topics and then try again a little later. Sometimes it takes four or even five attempts before your kiss will be reciprocated – that’s absolutely fine, unless of course she is very angrily telling you to back off, in which case things have gone irrevocably wrong and you should apologize and leave immediately. But if she’s still sitting there then you can be confident that she’s interested and that it’s your job to persist.

In the end you can be confident that, as long as you don’t look fazed or butthurt, this tactic will work and good things will follow.

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