I used to be a fan of The Big Bang Theory. Pre-red pill, it was one of those shows I used to binge watch, along with Friends or Seinfeld. Since I hadn’t watched it in a few years, I was taken quite unawares when I heard that actress Kaley Cuoco was getting divorced. To whom, I wondered, had our dear Penny tied the knot in real life? Curious, I looked up the man in question, and immediately had to stifle a bout of laughter. Here he is –

Sweetling

Ok stop. Lets stop right here. I’m declaring it. Its official.

Neomasculine ideas about male-female relationships are correct.

Like a woman suspicious of a charming man’s real personality, I’ve sought to shit test neomasculinity at every opportunity. Like many recovering betas, I still wake up in the mornings finding it hard to believe I – prince Charming incarnate, have not yet found my Rapunzel to rescue.

But every now and then, something comes along that stabs that doubting angel in the heart and throws him overboard. The whole premise of the Big Bang Theory – indeed, a story at the root of most modern sitcoms, is that nice guys can still get the girl.

We are meant to believe that Leonard Hoffstadder, the sniveling, 5’7”, supremely geeky, but still possessing a heart-of-gold protagonist of the show can end up with bombshell Penny, played of course by real life hottie Kaley Cuoco. We even found out a few years ago that the two co-stars briefly dated, seeding hopes that real life could imitate art.

Unfortunately, despite filling our heads with so many hopes and dreams, sitcoms are still fiction, and can be dramatically overshadowed by real life. Kaley’s apparently soon to be ex-husband – Ryan Sweeting, is a man about as far from Leonard as we can possibly imagine.

For starters, he’s a muscle-bound 6-foot-5, putting him in the literal top 1% of all men. He’s an internationally famous tennis star and has a savage, bearded look that hasn’t been out of fashion in about twenty thousand years.

The distinction could not be clearer:

Penny1

Fantasy

Penny2

Reality

Penny3

Fantasy

Penny4

Reality

Penny5

Fantasy

Penny6

Reality

Rarely have we ever seen a more pure demonstration. Here we have a hot but aging actress, pushing thirty, who abandons any pretense that, like her character, she actually has a thing for nerdy guys, and instead follows her gina tingles heart and goes for the 6’5” international tennis star.

Clearly aware of the onrushing wall, Cuoco married Sweeting shortly after her 28th birthday and after just three months of dating. Oddly enough, I actually started penning this article before the recent news Cuoco is getting separated, but when there were already rumours circulating of Sweeting’s infidelity. Obviously Sweeting, only 28 himself, started wondering why he should restrict himself to only one woman when he could easily rack up notches in the wild.

Other Examples

Quietly smirking at all this, I found myself wondering, what about other actors and actresses we’ve seen playing similar relationships? Whatever happened to the old Leonard and Penny – Ross and Rachael off Friends?

Well, David Schwimmer and Jennifer Aniston are still both successful actors, but their personal lives have wildly diverged since 2005. After dating a string of singers and actresses, Schwimmer settled down with British artist Zoe Buchman – eighteen years his junior – and his since had a kid.

Rossanator

Ross! Ross! Ross!

Aniston has also been through a string of relationships, the list reading like a “Who’s Who?” of Hollywood actors in steadily descending order of fame.

After being divorced from Brad Pitt in 2005, she bounced around for a few years before settling with semi-famous (and two years her junior) Justin Theroux earlier this year.

Having once proclaimed “I’ve never in my life said I didn’t want to have children. I did and I do and I will… I would never give up that experience for a career” Aniston may finally be getting a move on. Recent news reports are that she is now pregnant with twins. At 46 years of age, it only took her 13 years (and a round of IVF) longer than her sitcom character, or 20 years if she hadn’t broken up with Ross the first goddamned time.

So best of luck to her, but I do wonder if she regrets waiting so long that, by the time her kids graduate high school, she’ll be eligible for Medicare?

Aniston

Happy Endings

I can already hear a few people asking – so aside from the general Schadenfreude, what’s your point Thomas? Isn’t this just pointless sitcoms and celebrity gossip?

Except these shows are more than just harmless entertainment. Whether you think its part of some wide ranging conspiracy or not, millions of people are indoctrinated in the lessons these shows portray. Every second episode of Friends drilled messages into our heads like “only horrible people judge one another!” or “girls are cute for failing to control their emotions, but guys are assholes!”

Penny7

Fantasy

Penny8

Reality

The worst part is that these shows seem to lose touch with reality more and more as time goes on. Leonard and Penny is just Ross and Rachael on steroids. At least Friends had plotlines like Rachael falling into the arms of alpha male “Paolo” while leaving Ross alone and bewildered, but The Big Bang Theory seems to read more and more like a feminist textbook over time. It leaves me wondering what the next generation of sitcoms will feature.

Perhaps we’ll watch a show about a Victoria’s Secret Model who grows frustrated with her life and all the tall, hot studs that keep hitting on her. Instead she falls in love with “little Timmy”– a crippled, autistic boy, blind in one eye, who lives across the hall, but is also a world famous Starcraft player and the biggest white knight this side of Prince Charming.

Good luck Timmy.

Taylor Timmy

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