Most men who know about game will be familiar with “shit tests” — a fairly unpleasant term for those niggly little test girls throw in to try to determine a guy’s fitness as a sexual partner. While they may be annoying, current game thinking posits that they are actually great opportunities to shine by smashing the test and proving your “alpha-ness” at the same time.
However there is one particular test that more experienced players are often exposed to that is particularly irksome, but that must be negotiated if you hope to progress in the higher ranks of game.
What Are Shit Tests?
To recap for anyone who wasn’t listening at the back, shit tests are those annoying little curveballs that women throw into interactions, basically to try to determine whether you are the rock solid player you’re trying to suggest you are. To guys who are just starting out it seems counterintuitive that a girl should start being deliberately obstructive when she actually otherwise appears to like you. But actually it’s entirely logical.
Girls want the highest quality partners that their SMV can attract. Therefore, when a guy walks up to her and does a pretty good job of conveying high value, she will be pleased but cautious. Is he really what he claims to be? To make sure, she will drop in “beta bait” questions like the following:
- Are you a player?
- Are you like this with all the girls?
- Does this usually work?
- Is that your chat-up line?
And so on and so forth. The danger for the newbie is to fold into the girl’s frame and say what he thinks she wants to hear, e.g. “No, I’m not a player, young lady. I’m a very nice young man who would like to wife you up and buy you a car and a nice house with a white picket fence in the suburbs.” Of course, this would be fatal. The girl is testing to see if you have the confidence of your convictions.
Generally speaking, the less advanced a guy is, the fewer shit tests he will have to overcome. Mostly this is because women tend to take pity on men they regard as weaker, and so won’t give them as hard a time. Whatever you do, never fall into the trap of imagining that not getting tests at all is a good thing — quite the opposite. In fact, it suggests that your game isn’t on point, your demeanor not sufficiently dominant.
If you are getting tests then that’s good — it indicates that you are in the game, at least. The best strategy is either to agree and amplify — “Am I a player? Hell yeah, you wanna join my six other girls back home?” — or simply to smile and ignore the tests by changing the subject.
This latter strategy is increasingly the one I employ and it yields good results. Plus it also has the advantage of not having any complicated lines to remember. There is loads of material out there on the best ways to get around these snarky little tests girls throw in, but sometimes the best policy is simply to do nothing and make her squirm with embarrassment for having been so gauche before your oak-like serenity.
The Nuclear Test
There is one particular test that is in a different league to the rest though, and it is not a test that new or even lower-intermediate guys are likely to get on a regular basis. This is because it pertains to the direct expression of sexual desire for the girl and most men are simply scared stiff (and not in a good way!) of being upfront about what they want (sex) and thus hide their true urges behind a cloud of friend zone-worthy blabber.
I recall once reading on a blog that game nirvana for a man was being able to take an elegant young woman out and over a glass of wine tell her he would like to bend her over and fuck her. At the time, new in the game, such brazen honesty seemed entirely impossible — I could have more easily conceived of knitting a stepladder to the moon than of doing any such thing.
Gentlemen, time have changed. These days, after endless repetition in similar situations, I am able to be upfront sexually with women — and arguably perhaps I go too far sometimes. As horny as you can get a girl in a bar by whispering what you’re going to do to her when you get her home, it can backfire when the old anti-slut defence wall goes up, she goes home and you’re left holding your dick.
However, in my louche, late-game years, I tend to follow my horniness and tell girls precisely what I’m thinking — particularly if we’re on a date and the potential for sex is imminent. This practice has left me open to the nuclear shit test, though. It goes something like this:
“You just want to get laid. You’re desperate for sex”
Now, there’s something a little unfair about this, and not only because it’s not true — these days I am never “desperate” for sex as it can so easily be acquired elsewhere. No, it’s also unfair because the girl is calling me out in spite of the fact that what I’m doing is actually pretty alpha.
I’m willing to bet that most of the girls I’ve dated have rarely been with a man who has had the confidence to be so upfront with them right off the bat (in fact many girls have told me this themselves). However, that degree of masculine honesty is not enough — they still seek to destabilise me by aiming straight for the central pillar of my approach, undercutting the idea that it might be sheer balls that allows me to be so forthright and suggesting it’s desperation instead.
The female psyche is nothing if not clever.
Passing The Nuclear Test
The first thing to say is that if you get the nuclear test you are by no means at a disadvantage. I have slept with pretty much every girl who’s thrown something like this at me.
The number one strategy, as always, is simply not to back down. Whatever you do you can’t, at this stage, try to back-pedal and say that you’re not actually interested in sex. That would be ridiculous and counterproductive – and not true to your masculine self. What you have to decide is whether to continue on the course you’ve already set (i.e. rapid escalation) or whether to pull back a little and allow the situation to breathe.
Deciding this really comes down to calibration, something that cannot be taught through an online column. At the same time, if you are eliciting such a test from a girl then it is likely that you are pretty experienced already, so draw on that to decide whether or not you think she might be up for something that night. If so then proceed as before. If not, you need to apply the breaks. Here’s what you say:
“Of course I want to have sex with you. I’m a man, you’re a woman and I’m attracted to you. It’s only natural.”
Then you should lean back, ensure that you’re not touching her, and turn the conversation to more neutral topics for a while. In this way you will defuse the test while still maintaining your frame, which is vital if you are to pick up where you left off later that night or on another occasion.
Remember: shit tests from girls are never a bad thing — in fact, they indicate that you’re proceeding along the right lines. Keep going, and just be very careful not to bend your position to suit what you think she wants to hear. Doing so will mean you will inevitably lose the girl.