In this digital age, the appeal of Tinder to guys seems pretty obvious. Here is an app that offers a seemingly endless supply of potential sexual partners to be accessed with a simple swipe to the right – an apparent cornucopia of hot, sexually up-for-it females just ready to be plucked from cyberspace and pulled into your bed.
Of course, anyone who’s spent more than two minutes on the app will be more than aware that this somewhat idyllic portrayal is nonsensical and that pulling on Tinder is not as easy as one might have hoped. Having experimented with it extensively in the last few months I can say categorically that — for me at least — approaching girls in real life is far more effective, yielding better results.
I don’t intend to get to deep into a wider discussion of Tinder and the somewhat bleak prognosis for the state of male-female relations its vast popularity invites — Roosh has covered the same here. But it has to be said that when finding a partner is reduced to a card-shuffling like exercise on your smartphone, where you scroll past one narcissistic image after another, then something isn’t quite right.
My interest here is the efficiency or otherwise of the process for meeting women for sex or relationships. And while some guys are successful with Tinder and there are reputable companies out there who offer advice on how to optimise your chances (I’ve even written a chapter on it in a forthcoming book on text game I’m working on) I would still say that the old-fashioned, face-to-face approach works best.
1. On Tinder You Are Judged Solely on Your Looks…
Don’t have a six-pack, broad shoulders and the smouldering looks of Robert Pattison or Ryan Gosling? Then bad luck — you are in female left-swipe purgatory.
Tinder is fundamentally a visual medium — this was its original USP after all — rather than have to fill in a lengthy profile you simply upload a few pics and you’re away. While initially this might have been seen as attractive by guys — “Hey, I can skip the boring, getting-to-know you bit and just take my pick out the pictures of hot girls” — in fact it is a massive disadvantage.
While it is a fact that women’s SMV (sexual market value) is largely determined by their looks, a man’s is influenced by many other factors including his social dominance, humour, intelligence, gravitas and so on. None of which comes across in that moody five-year-old pic you plucked off Facebook because your mum told you you looked handsome in it.
Your profile description beneath your main picture? Forget it – who has time to read those?
2. While In a Face-To-Face Interaction Your Approach Itself Can Create Attraction
Contrast this with the power of the face-to-face approach. I met an ex-girlfriend of mine, a solid 8, very cute Turkish girl, through daygame on the streets of London. We had several great months together before I got itchy feet and called time on the relationship. Enraged, the girl targeted me with a volley of abuse, including the following insightful nugget:
“If you hadn’t have approached me like you did I would never have gone with you — you’re not even my type.”
Now, granted, she was upset and deliberately trying to hurt me, but I happen to believe that on this she was telling the truth. She had already told me that she when we met she had felt my approach (a direct street-stop) showed “balls.”
It is my belief that the approach in itself created much of her attraction for me as it showed dominance and a tendency to take risks to get what I want. Had she seen my picture on Tinder, however, I’m almost certain I would have been a default left swipe.
3. You Are Limited To Gaming The Girls You Match With
Even if your messaging game is really on-point, because the system only allows you to chat to those girls with whom you’ve matched, then you don’t even get the chance to work your game (and thus potentially positively influence) those girls that you really like.
Contrast this with getting a telephone number from a “maybe” girl in the street. OK, she may not initially be that interested but your text game may just save it — and at least you know you are attracted to her since she promoted you to approach.
4. There Can Often Be A Mismatch Of Expectations
As above, you only really have the pick of girls with whom you match, and of these, only a proportion are going to be looking for the same thing as you. So if you are looking for someone to date, you might find that your matches are those girls looking for covert hook-ups.
And if you are still a young guy looking to experiment and meet a variety of women then you’ll be surprised at the number of girls who are deluded enough to be using Tinder to try to find a serious partner.
Again, the beauty of face-to-face approaching is that this can be determined through a few leading questions at the outset, saving time for both parties.
5. Girls Are Exceptionally Flaky On the App, As They Have So Many Matches
Given how thirsty the male population is, girls — and especially hot girls — get matched by pretty much everyone on Tinder. This means that they are swamped with options. So when you get chatting to a girl, even if your messaging game is stellar, there’s still the likelihood that she’s going tho get distracted by the next shiny thing and stop replying to your messages.
A face-to-face approach, particularly through daygame, creates much more impact, meaning that you stand out from her other male orbiters and you have a fighting chance of commanding her attention for longer.
6 You Never Really Know What You’re Going to Get
Tinder is rather like ordering clothes on the internet — you never know exactly what you’re going to get until it turns up. That t-shirt you thought was perfect online looks baggy and turns out to be made from cheap material when it turns up.
Everyone accentuates their best selves online, and girls are obviously going to put up their best pictures on a dating app. Don’t be surprised when that hot Kate Upton lookalike you thought you were chatting to turns out to be a a less attractive proposition when you meet her for a date in Starbucks.
This is where real-life approaching wins out big time — you only approach those girls who you are attracted to, and with whom there’s a reasonable chance of some chemistry. OK, you may suffer a lot of rejections, but at least with those who bite you know exactly what you’re getting before you invest time on a date.
7. You Invest More Time In Prospects That Were Never Going Anywhere
. . .which leads on to this point. At minimum you are going to have to chat to her for a while on the app, and then perhaps on WhatsApp, before she’ll come out to meet you. When she does, and she isn’t what you are looking for, you will kick yourself for the wasted time. Had you met her in person first through cold-approach you would have known precisely what you were dealing with and apportioned your time appropriately.
In summary, there’s nothing wrong with Tinder as a supplement to your regular game — guys can and do have success on it on a regular basis (a good-looking friend of mine has recently been getting laid on it consistently nearly every night). But for all the reasons listed above, you should never be tempted to make it your primary tool for meeting women.
If you fear rejection then man up, read ROK and other resources, and get out there meeting girls in person anyway. I promise you it will be worth it in the end.