This weekend I went to a party at a private members club in central London, where I met an attractive girl in her early twenties who turned out to be the daughter of a wealthy British TV celebrity. After an hour or so of conversation, making out and so on, I took her back to my place where we had sex several times before falling asleep.
Meeting a girl and having sex with her on the same night — when things go smoothly — can seem like the most natural thing in the world because, let’s face it, it is: if a man and a woman are attracted to one another then what more natural an outcome can there be?
And yet for the beginner the idea of pulling a girl out of a club and taking her home can seem as unachievable as taking an Uber to the moon — it certainly was for me. With that in mind, I thought it would be useful for me to codify the steps I took to demonstrate how simple and easily replicable they are.
By the way, this isn’t about pumping-and-dumping girls, but simply about achieving your very-natural male desire quickly and efficiently—once you’ve slept with her then you can transition into a relationship if there’s chemistry and you want to keep seeing her.
Here, then, are the steps I took which led to me bringing the girl home with me.
1. Achieve Momentum By Approaching Girls Before You Get to the Venue
State, vibe, mojo — whatever you want to call it, it seems to me that there’s no substitute for momentum when you go out to meet girls. As much as you can study game techniques and Google opening lines and so on, a lot of game is about the subconscious vibe that you are put out as you enter the venue and walk around.
Most players know that this can have a magnetic effect, so that when you’re really on form it’s not really about what you say to girls at all, but more how you make them feel simply through your presence. When you’re really on form this can have an almost magical effect, with previously unobtainable-seeming girls opening with ease all around you.
So how do you achieve momentum? It’s actually very easy, but I’m afraid that those with approach anxiety will have to work hard to put their fears aside. The best way to get that swing in your step, that arrogant swagger that you require, is to have approached a lot of girls already that day.
So earlier in the day, before hitting the venue, I’d gone out shopping an incorporated a spot of daygame, approaching something like twelve girls in the street while going about my business. The twelve approaches yielded a few phone numbers, which of course I’ll follow up with, but immediate success wasn’t the point. Instead, my aim was simply to get into a sociable mood so that later when I went to the club I would be on form.
It may seem counter-intuitive to the newbie, but even rejections can help to pump up your state—in fact, in a way they can work better. After I’ve experienced three harsh blowouts, either on the street or in the club, then something in my brain clicks and nothing can faze me. After all, I’ve already been rejected, it hasn’t killed me, and if I’m going to go down then it might as well be in a blaze of glory. From that point on I find myself able to approach any girl with impunity.
When I entered the club, having the twelve approaches under my belt, I noticed that girls were checking me out and smiling at me as I walked around — not something that necessarily always happens. This wasn’t because anything had changed in my look and presentation, but rather that the hunter in me had been released (probably with a commensurate spike in testosterone, although I’m no scientist) and the women there picked up on it
2. Attend Carefully To Your Style
I don’t intend to get into the “do looks matter” debate here (they do and they don’t at the same time) but for God’s sake at least control what you can and make sure your style is on point. This doesn’t need to cost a lot of money. After my daygame session I went home where I changed into a white Ted Baker shirt, a light grey summer jacket from Zara and a colourful pocket-square from H&M.
I also wore an expensive but fantastic pair of heeled boots from Jeffery West that give me that all important little extra bit of height. My haircut is cheap but I style it carefully with good products (I stopped going to expensive stylists earlier this year when it became apparent that it really made very little difference.)
Through following my own tastes as well as occasionally reading style blogs and keeping an eye on what others wear and what’s in the high-end shops, I have developed a look which is striking enough for people to comment on — really important when you’re going out to meet girls.
3. Approach Directly And With Confidence
Because you are in state already, having done your pre-club approaches, you should be in a good state of mind to talk to the girls you meet in the venue with verve and determination. In a busy nightclub, particularly if it’s later in the evening, I would suggest going direct—walking up to the girls you like and telling them you find them sexy.
You should also use light touch right off the bat in non-sexual areas — the forearm, the lower back and so on — in order to normalise physicality between the two of you. Of course, you will then need to transition into more normal conversation to keep the interaction going, but you should ensure that you spike this up periodically with sexual references and suggestive comments to get her turned on and curious about you.
Also, remember that all pull and no push is bad — you must occasionally signal your disapproval and hint that you are willing to walk. For example, when my girl from Friday told me she was from Chelsea I pushed her away laughingly and said it could never work out between us, since I lived in East London. Obviously she realised I was joking but it added that little frisson of doubt to the interaction that only increased her attraction.
4. Once You Find A Girl Who Likes You Then Stay With Her…But Don’t Look Needy
To a degree it depends on what time in the night it is, but assuming it’s relatively late then once you’ve found a girl who you like and who seems into you, you should endeavour to stay with her so she doesn’t wander off with her friends or get swooped up by another man.
The important thing here is to strike the balance between hanging in there and not looking needy. Ideally you will have made out with her a little bit so that you know it’s definitely on — remember, you don’t need to make out with a girl for her to sleep with you, but on the other hand if she won’t even kiss you then there’s no way she’s going to bed with you.
Your aim, then, should be to hang out, keeping the mood light but being ready to pull the trigger and take her from the venue as soon as possible. What you must avoid doing is looking as though you are “mate guarding” — that is, jealously trying to ward off other men. If a guy approaches and tries to chat her up while you’re there then by all means lead her away, but also be prepared to walk.
If she is initiating conversations or seems especially receptive to them then your time might be better off spent with another prospect. After all, you are looking for a DTF girl who is DTF you — if the stars are aligned then things should be relatively hassle-free.
Assuming she doesn’t vie for the attention of other men in the venue then the best course is to stick with her and then lead her out at an appropriate moment (i.e. as soon as possible).
5. Always Be Escalating
Absolutely 100% key when setting up a same-night lay is that you must without fail progressively escalate the encounter throughout the evening. You must do this is two ways – verbally, through conversation that gets progressively suggestive; and physically, with touch that becomes increasingly sexualised. Through this dual approach you are looking to get the girl turned on sufficiently so that when you get her back to your place she is ready to have sex.
This is not as easy as it sounds and you need calibration, which can really only be learned through practice. However, my advice to the newbie is as follows – in the context of what is socially and legally permissible, be bolder than you think possible. When you gain experience you will be amazed at how sexual you can get with a girl you’ve just met. Also your boldness – which will suggest sexual confidence and experience – will serve to turn her on more.
6. Deal With The Logistical Bullshit
Once the girl is turned on and ready to leave the venue with you, it is your job to get her home as quickly and efficiently as possible, dealing with any annoying occurrences that might come up. Usually I find the best way is to grab a taxi, but even that can be difficult (see my previous tale of cockblocking courtesy of Uber).
Lost taxi drivers, drunk passers-by, closed roads, lost keys, and cash shortages. Whatever it is, you have to find a solution. On Friday night I was trying to find a late-night bar with my girl but there was nothing open. More than once she suggested she should go home, before I convinced her that a better option would be a nightcap at my place. I then found an available cab and we were away. Had I not done so and allowed the moment to pass it is likely I would never have seen her again, rather than us enjoying a night of sex together.
In summary, if you are looking to achieve a same-night lay then have your style together, approach loads before hand, be upfront with girls you like in the venue, always escalate and lead her home (to your place or hers) solving impromptu issues as they come up. Fail on any of these elements and your chances will decrease significantly.