The problem that a lot of guys face when they get into game is rejection — and as we all know, rejection is hard for everyone. No-one likes to feel that they have lost face. When you have put yourself on the line by indicating your attraction to a cute girl, either implicitly or explicitly, for her to laugh with her friends, or make some lame excuse about having a boyfriend, the blow can feel particularly hard.
For a newcomer to the world of pick-up this can be especially difficult, as the number of rejections he will face on a weekly basis will increase significantly—or at least it should if he’s doing things correctly. The fact is that guys who get really into game, simply by sheer dint of the numbers of women they are approaching, probably experience more rejections than most regular men do in a lifetime.
How you take these rejections is key. Do you assume that a negative response from a girl is an indictment of you as a human being, that no other female could possibly find you attractive either and go and hide in a dank room playing Minecraft and eating chicken wings for the rest of your life?
Or do you alter your perception and regard it as feedback from which you can learn? The former will do you no good at all. The latter will not only help you to get better with women and enjoy more lays.
Resentment against girls can be a big problem for guys into gaming, both new and practised. You hear it when men talk to each other, discuss pick up on forums, or even in the comments section of ROK. On the surface it’s easy to see why. If an entitled, stuck-up girl with little going for her other than her beauty gives you a dismissive head-turn before you’ve even had a chance to finish your opener then it’s natural you’re going to feel pissed off.
But here’s the thing — feeling pissed off won’t get you laid. What might get you laid, though, is a clear-headed assessment of what went wrong, your part in it, and how you can learn from the experience to approach the next girl differently.
What has really helped me after a session at a club, or after trawling the streets and cafes for girls, is to write out a mini-inventory of any rejections I have faced. Doing so helps me see more clearly that I may have been at fault in the pick-up in some way. It also helps defuse any residual anger I may still feel. Armed with this calm insight I am able to go into the next scenario with increased self-awareness.
Here are the things I recommend you consider after a botched gaming event. Write sentence or two on each and then file the sheet away for future reference.And remember — when you are writing, don’t refer to the girl’s faults at all. This is solely about you — what you did, what you said, and how you came across.
1. Describe The Rejection
This is self-explanatory, but it is really helpful to write down exactly what happened, as long as you keep it brief. Try it and you’ll see how much less riled you feel afterwards.
2. Why Do I Resent This Particular Girl?
Again, write down in simple language exactly what it is about this particular rejection that really stings. Don’t spare yourself. Be as detailed as possible and really try to relive the feelings of hurt and anger as you write.
3. Did Fear Come Into It?
Now you need to be completely honest with yourself. Did the set mess up because you were afraid? Perhaps you approached with insufficient confidence, or spoke in a low, wavering voce that didn’t display sexual dominance. Perhaps your body language wasn’t on point. Perhaps your eyes weren’t sparkling and mischievous and you didn’t hold her gaze.
Whatever it is, write down exactly how your fear of women—or just this particular woman in this particular context—contributed to her off-hand treatment of you. Don’t spare yourself – it’s important that you capture all of this in black and white.
4. Was I Dishonest?
In this context I’m talking about dishonesty around your sexual intent. Did you approach her like a friend, or like someone on the street looking for directions rather than like a champ who’s not afraid of being upfront about what he wants—that is, sex with attractive women? If you in any way tried to weasel your way in through friendliness or overt “niceness” then now is the time to confess.
5. Was I Sufficiently Versatile?
Did you read the situation, read the girl you approached and make an effort to tailor a contextual opening gambit based on her dress, looks, location, or something happening around you? Or did you go in with the same old cookie-cutter line you read on the internet back in 2012, secretly hoping it would fail so you wouldn’t have to carry on a longer conversation with an attractive stranger?
If you aren’t at least trying to personalise your approaches then it could be that your game is getting stale, which will only lead to more blow-outs.
6. Have I Been In Denial?
OK, you complained your friends in the Uber home and you wrote an angry comment about bitchy girls on ROK. But having answered the previous five questions, can you now see that maybe, just maybe, you were a little tiny bit to blame for what happened too? If so, now’s the time to ‘fess up.
7. What Could I Have Done Better?
Having worked through these questions, it’s likely that at least a few ideas on what you could have done more proficiently will have come to mind. If so, write them down here, remember them, and refer to them before you go out to meet girls next time.
Of course, no one is denying that women can be entitled, narcissistic and bitchy — and sometimes downright unpleasant. But you can’t control that. All you can control is how you behave in any given interaction.
What I have found is that however resentful I may have felt about a particular situation, these seven questions have helped to clarify my role in it, and given me useful pointers on what to correct going forward, as well as helped to eradicate negative feelings. The process of answering them has also helped me to convert rejections I have suffered into useful learning experiences.