A lot of guys feel that they have to be a certain physical type — tall, good looking, chiseled etc. — or emulate a particular conversational approach in order to be successful with women, but this is not the case. I have recently been privileged to observe the game of two friends of mine, both very different types of men. Watching them has convinced me that there is a multiplicity of approaches to succeeding with women and that the key to optimising your own chances is working out what your selling points are and developing a personal brand around them.
Let me give you a pen portrait of both of my friends. Even in outline, you will see that they are very different.
Dave is tall with the body shape of a large refrigerator. A former mechanic, he has made enough money through a series of property deals not to have to work. A regular at the clubs and bars where he lives, he knows everyone, and anyone he doesn’t know he can talk around in a matter of minutes. While good-looking, he is no film star, but without doubt he is an imposing figure with considerable personal magnetism.
His style with women is direct, but not just direct in the “I-noticed-you-and-thought-you-were-cute” way – no, this guy is off the scale. Without any exaggeration, I have heard him introduce himself to girls by speculating how their pussies taste. He is upfront about how “filthy” he is, and how he will fuck nothing less than the dirtiest girls.
Reading this you will probably imagine that he gets slapped a hell of a lot, but amazingly the opposite is true. Perhaps it is the twinkle in his eye, his sheer, unabashed audacity, or the fact that he coats his no-nonsense sexuality with a lot of charm, but I have seen girls lapping this stuff up, giving him anime eyes and melting in his presence. His “brand” is the tough guy who is unashamedly sexual, but who has a heart too.
Peter is his physical opposite. Very short – just over five foot-six – he has a slender frame and a handsome but unspectacular face topped with a floppy, Hugh Grant haircut. He is highly intelligent, a Harvard MBA who now works in finance (although he doesn’t advertise the fact when he’s out). He has studied game, unlike Dave who is a natural.
His method is indirect – the complete opposite Dave’s. He is the king of conversation. Seriously, if you put him in a sealed room with the Mona Lisa he’d have her cracking a smile and bantering within minutes. Highly intelligent, with loads of energy and persistence, his “brand” is the super-articulate, super-social guy who can vibe everyone at the party before going in for the kill with his favourite girl at the end of the night.
Enhance Your Attributes
While I have felt dry and inarticulate next to both men while they’ve hogged the limelight in whatever club or bar we’ve been in, it it is difficult to argue that either has “better” game because their styles are so radically opposed. The fact that both are able to command the attention of women and stoke their attraction merely underlines the fact that “good game” doesn’t come in one homogenous package and that in order to succeed you need to identify your own strengths and exacerbate these.
I could look at Dave and think that I need to get jacked and develop a gruff cockney accent. Or I might consider Paul and bemoan the fact that I didn’t study business at an Ivy League school. But that would be a mistake. The fact is that their game works for them is because it is entirely coherent with their individual personalities. If I tried to copy either of them I would come over as inauthentic and put off more girls off than I attracted.
Game is not about complete personal reinvention. Rather, it is about enhancing your best attributes and – most importantly – believing in them so passionately that this communicates itself to the girls you approach. So if you are an economics nerd then don’t try to dumb down – instead own your knowledge and display it. Similarly, if you are a physical, sporty guy who is less interested in witty banter then don’t worry – play to your own particular strengths.
What is important to realise that successful guys come in all shapes and sizes and have wildly different approaches. So don’t try to live up to some imagined level of “good game.” Instead, sit down and honestly list your most obvious characteristics. Then select the most positive of these and start to work out how they can be most attractively packaged.
Doing this is the first step to building your own personal brand and will ensure that you are authentically attractive to women rather than a pale imitation of someone else.