One of the elements of game that is little discussed but which has been an issue for me and other players that I know is the dissociating psychological effect that adopting a “game persona” can cause.
If not properly handled, this is something that can stymie a man’s success with women, or at least put a glass ceiling on it. Fortunately, awareness of the problem and a couple of simple precautions can help matters considerably.
What do I mean by dissociation? Broadly, this is the feeling of inadequacy, or not-being-good-enough that guys can experience when they adopt the cocky-funny persona of the jerk or hot guy that gets girls.
Now, before you rush to the comments section to deride me for suggesting that people be something they’re not, I should point out that the essence of game is accentuating one’s more attractive qualities while turning the volume down on those that will yield a vaginal Sahara in your wake.
The field experience of thousands of men over the last decade reveals that women are most attracted to men who over-index on disparaging humour, entitlement, and arrogance. It is my belief that all guys have these attributes somewhere deep within in them even if they’ve been subdued by years of social conditioning.
The job of a good game instructor or pick-up coach is to help his student access and emphasize these characteristics while dealing with girls. But this doesn’t come without a price.
The former beta male, when required to project the alpha vibes of a school jock who’s enjoyed female attention for years, is a naturally going to feel a little unusual to say the least. The problem, though, is that these strategies work. But the man who utilises them and see his results leap may well continue to feel uncomfortable even as he experiences female approval and validation in the form of sex.
The Field Frequently Reveals Uncomfortable Truths
As a former ‘nice guy’ (albeit one who had occasionally pulled girls before on an inconsistent basis) most of the behaviours that made me successful at meeting women were learned rather than intuitive. It was reading books, websites, and internet forums that taught me that being assumptive, ”flipping the script” and making out that a hot girl is chasing you rather than the other way around actually amps up her attraction rather than earning you a slap round the face.
Faking it to make it is more likely to get you laid than see her questioning your sanity. I am someone who has pretty much always learned to do things through books, and pick-up was no different. But however much I read, nothing could have prepared me for the positive reactions of girls when I accused them of checking me out (even when they weren’t) or of trying to turn the conversation towards sex, or of fantasising about having sex with me (even when they weren’t).
At first the benefits were obvious and enjoyable. But I couldn’t – and sometimes still can’t – help feeling conscious of that gap between how the girls I sleep with view me and how I view myself (or used to, at least). I read an article recently (I think it was by the British PUA Krauser) that said that women’s solipsism benefits the player by creating social proof, because once you’ve slept with her she will naturally imagine that all other girls want to sleep with you as well.
The reality, of course, is that you might easily get blown out by the next woman you speak to. It doesn’t matter – perception is king. But that female solipsism, and the kind of hero-worship that it raises in a girl you’ve banged can feel incongruous to the man who has spent a lot of his life suffering from low self-esteem or even disliking himself.
There have been many times when I’ve hung out with girls who’ve kept asking me if I’m “always like this,” or “how many other girls I’ve done this with,” no doubt imagining that I was some kind of Don Juan from birth. While going along with it my mind has often cried out, unable to understand how she can have read me so wrong and not realised that the devil-may-care seducer getting her pussy wet is so different to the person that I am underneath – or that I was before game, at least.
The net effect of all this is a feeling of artificiality, even loneliness. At times it can seem odd that the women I let into my life, even for a short time, don’t really know the first thing about me, about my life, my struggle to become what I am today – a socially adept guy who can meet women like the naturals I went to school with.
But here’s the thing – girls don’t care about my life, about my struggle. They care only for the tingles that an alpha gives them. Because I enjoy having sex – which I think is a fundamental pillar of any human being’s life – I have had to accentuate the right characteristics in order to get by.
What to Do About Dissociation
If you find yourself experiencing these feeling of disassociation then my best advice to you is to seek out male friends with whom you can discuss them. Close guy friends won’t judge you – in fact they will more than likely admire you for making positive changes. They will support you, and give you the strength that you need as you become accustomed to your new persona.
And don’t get down about putting on a false front – you’re not, you’re simply presenting the best sales case for your product (you) in the manner that the current market demands.
And whatever you do don’t decide to drop game and “just be yourself.” Women won’t thank you for it and you will quickly find yourself as lonely as a MGTOW with a fresh tube of lube and an expired X-Art subscription.