Take a walk around any American neighborhood and you’ll notice one thing: Americans are big, and we’re only getting bigger and bigger. The cause of this is that our country’s addicted to grains and sugar, the former being a poor substitute for nutrient rich fruits, meats, and vegetables, and the latter being ultimately deadly in the quantities in which Americans are consuming it. We’re a nation of addicts, yet there’s no Grainaholics Anonymous or Sugaraholics Anonymous. Why is that? It’s because there are so many grain and sugar addicts in this nation that they no longer have to be anonymous—they can be nonchalant about their addiction. There’s safety in numbers.

In the days of our fathers, schoolboys took pride in shaming their wayward comrades, with epithets such as “lard-ass,” “thunder-thighs,” and “Fatty McChunks” being hurled on a daily basis to the open approbation of their healthy schoolmates. It was constructive criticism at its finest, with onlookers becoming clearly forewarned of the social ostracization which they too would suffer if they engaged in a sedentary lifestyle lacking in discipline and self control. This world is no more. As a result of a peculiar Western mental disorder, political correctness, America has lost the will to fight. The battle of the bulge has been lost.

Like the alien invaders in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, enough Americans have succumbed to this addiction that those of us who haven’t yet been replaced by the body snatching American diet have no choice but to stay silent when in public in fear of being outed by the ululating cries of the brainless herd. It’s a losing battle, and slowly but surely, we’re all being replaced. This needs to stop, and there’s only one solution to our national addiction—the paleo lifestyle. It’s time to join the barbarian hordes!

It’s going to take time and effort for the manosphere to undo the damage done by political correctness to our nation’s psyche and physique, but nothing worth having can be had easily. The best way to lead is by example, so before we exert force in an outward direction, we’ve got to clean up our own house. For those of us who are keeping America’s retail industry afloat by purchasing a new, ever expanding wardrobe to match our growing waistline every six months, it’s time to Man Up. For those of us keeping America’s fast food joints afloat with 3 a.m. trips to 24 hour joints, it’s time to Man Up. For those of us consuming prodigious quantities of calorie-dense, nutrient poor alcohol as a substitute for inner confidence, it’s time to Man Up.

There’s two parts to being a man. The first is to behave like a man, and the second is to look like a man. Behaving like a man means being disciplined when facing decisions. Looking like a man is the inevitable, natural result of behaving like a man. Be a rock. Let the ocean of crass consumerism break itself on your braced musculature. Looking like a soft, effeminate eunuch guarding the sultan’s harem is not the path to happiness—it’s the path to spending your life in front of a double monitor computer setup with 32 open tabs of Asian porn. That’s no way for anyone to live.

So What’s Paleo?

The paleo lifestyle’s the first step in honing the discipline many of us never learned from our absent fathers. The lifestyle, known as the barbarian or caveman lifestyle, has been gaining in popularity in recent years. There’s many variations of the diet, but in essence it boils down to this, if a pre-agricultural human could eat it: then it’s allowed. Conversely, if a pre-agricultural human was unlikely to have access to it, it’s not allowed. With the paleo diet, when a person is full, their body will let them know. The paleo diet is high in proteins, leading to adherents feeling full for a long time after having a meal. This is not the case when eating meals consisting primarily of grains like pasta, which provide a fleeting sense of fullness due to their low nutrient density, resulting in multiple high calorie meals throughout the day which leave their consumers continuously hungry, yet, paradoxically, larger and larger.

Humans like diversity in their palate, and the paleo diet provides this, making it easy to follow. Unlike the typical American diet, which could best be described as “one thousand ways to prepare nutrient sparse grains and two thousand ways to eat sugar,” the paleo diet has actual variety to it, instead of the illusory variety experienced by those that think that eating a meal of lasagna with soda pop on Monday, pizza with soda pop on Tuesday, and spaghetti with soda pop on Wednesday is a diverse diet. That’s a diet whose calories derive primarily from grains and sugar, a complete lack of diversity, and additionally, a recipe for obesity due to the propensity for overeating that diet creates.

A sample paleo diet meal would consist of a pound of salmon and a side of broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower on Monday, a pound of t-bone steak and a side of mushrooms and asparagus on Tuesday, and eggs with tomatoes, onions, and avocados on Wednesday, with all three days including blueberries, oranges, apples, and bananas as snacks throughout the day. The paleo menu, although occupying only a fraction of the supermarket space that’s occupied by the components of the average American diet, is intrinsically more nutritionally diverse than the average American diet, is easy to follow, and is heavy on proteins, making it easy for adherents to stay on the right path, the path to manliness.

But It’s Too Expensive!

A common counterpoint to the paleo diet is that it’s expensive. On the surface, the argument seems solid, since eating a pound of t-bone steak or a pound of salmon every day sounds expensive, and adding fresh fruits to the mix doesn’t help either, but proponents of this argument are missing the bigger picture. The most popular alternative, the diet of the average American, results in medical costs that can run into the tens of thousands of dollars, and that doesn’t take into account the quality of life issues resulting indirectly from a poor diet, such as depression, lack of self confidence, and masturbatory marathons.

If we, as Americans, allow ourselves to continue consuming as we have been, the problem will only become larger and larger. Signs of our national decline are all around us, even our lexicon reflects the losing battle of the bulge, with ignominious portmanteaus like cankles and moobies, terms unheard of in previous generations, achieving popular usage. The solution is the paleo diet. It’s our duty as men to lead, and the best way to lead is to lead by example. Respect is earned, not given, and with the current state of American men, it’s only natural for American women to look and behave the way they do, they’re only following our lead.  It’s time to raise the bar, Man Up, and join the barbarian horde!

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