When I was just a boy, the Internet was something I only read about in SF novels. My main source of information and entertainment were magazines of all kinds. Thankfully, my grandparents had giant stacks of various magazines from ages long past and allowed me to rummage through them.

I spent hours upon hours dispassionately flipping through their pages, stopping only when I found something that interested me. I was dispassionate, that is, until I stumbled upon a Playboy.

marc-jacobs-kate-moss-playboy

I have no idea how it ended up in the midst of drab technical magazines or how it evaded the piercing eyes of resident females, but there it was. Its pages glossy and glistening, I looked at the front page and instantly knew I’ve struck gold.

I vividly remember how I waited for everyone to go asleep or get busy before sneaking into this little archive of mine and finding the Playboy in the same place where I left it.

With bated breath and my whole body trembling in excitement, I studied every page to the tiniest detail and absorbed everything: the gorgeous lines and shades of naked women, raunchy jokes and various stories for which I had no context. All of this content opened a whole new world to me, a world of glamor in which a man traveled freely, had loads of sex and enjoyed life with style.

It was uncensored to the point I’ve never seen before and resembled something that only a man would share with another man. Sadly, this once glorious conduit for inspiring boys to not get married is now just a shadow of its former self and delivers SJW propaganda straight to impressionable boys.

The inevitable equalist infiltration

One of Playboy’s online articles, published May 15, talks about dating women who’ve had both of their breasts removed due to breast cancer or mere threat of it. Written by a standup comedian who also underwent the same treatment, Eden Dranger, this 1,100-word article reads more like a press release of some medical association rather than an article aimed at men.

As much as it pained me to ruin my childhood memories, I dove into the article and here’s the gist of it:

Playboy desperate cry for help

Nope, doesn’t sound desperate at all

This Playboy article is a desperate cry for sexual attention, made even sadder by the attempt of the writer to frame it as coming from a strong, independent woman. She lists her erogenous zones and tries to convince the reader that scratching her back counts as foreplay, but it’s all a failed appeal to emotion. She feels it, so it must be true, but it’s not.

Without her breasts Eden has lost a part of her femininity, which many men may find to be a dealbreaker (especially if this was done electively rather than due to sickness). Despite the social programming to the contrary, we are here to tell you that you don’t have to settle for a fatty, a mentally ill woman, or one who no longer has breasts. Not even if your favorite magazine tells you that you should.

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