Why So Ugly?
By Law Dogger
Most people in America are pretty damn ugly. Don’t believe me? Next time you leave your home, take a good look at the people around you — at the general population.
It actually took me a while to realize this, having lived in the nicer areas of Southern California for most of my adult life. If you are in a similar environment you may disagree with my first sentence. But try stepping slightly outside your deliciously tainted fantasy world (e.g., Santa Monica, West Hollywood, Manhattan, South Beach, Arizona State campus, and so forth) and you will see that most people are in fact aesthetically objectionable.
The Undateables — 70%
As I mentioned in one of my previous articles, I recently started taking a Russian language course. The only convenient option for me was at a community college in a second-tier city within Los Angeles. If I’m being generous, I would say roughly 1% of the student population consists of individuals you would not shudder introducing as a significant other. In my actual class, I have to constantly negotiate the room for a seat where my visual and olfactory senses are not offended.
The girl to my left? Smells like a sweaty foot. The guy to my right? Not sure what he ate but he reeks of decayed cheese. Two rows over? Rolls upon rolls of fat nestled upon a girl who cackles uncontrollably at everything the teacher says. Side row, warts. Back row, a girl that, without exaggeration, I cannot look at because I will start to laugh. Imagine the Operation guy mated with Waldo and had a daughter. Then, imagine said daughter exuding androgyny while sporting bright red lipstick and unbeknownst to me… somehow maintaining the constant face of a person who just witnessed a dog speaking Mandarin.
And this is not an aberration. Really go walk around an average city and see what people look like. Go to the DMV. Go to the bus stop. Check out the buffet on weekends. Visit the off-strip casinos in Vegas. Still disagree?
The Average — 20%
These people are not so bad that you are visually offended at their sight. You run into them here and there during your daily activities. You sometimes think, “she would be cute if…” They take showers, but have haircuts from the 90s. They wear suits, but they are two sizes too large. She has a nice figure, but she has greasy hair and acne.
The Above Average — 9%
The bread and butter of dating culture, desired nightlife attendees, game targets and Whole Foods’ customers. Initially you may think this number is higher than a single digit percentage. But such thinking fails to account for the fact that these mediums specifically attract this demographic: those who you want to date, those that do go to the desired clubs and bars, and those health-conscious and/or trendy enough to shop at places like Whole Foods. They are actively trying to look good. They watch what they eat. They wear better clothing. They spend the extra minute trimming nose hairs (guys) or putting on mascara (girls).
This subsection of society includes the girls guys see and desire on a daily basis. The girls with the nice flowing hair from shampoo commercials wearing svelte dresses. It includes the men that trigger girls’ hypergamous nature. Sure, they are not perfect by any means, nor beautiful — but one must applaud the fact that they at least try to put their best face foot forward.
The Beautiful — 1%
A rare sight. It stops you in your tracks. It ascends sexuality and is defined objectively. I know when I see a remarkably handsome guy. I definitely know when I see a stunner of a woman.
Try to say otherwise but these people live by different rules and a different reality. And unless you get an opportunity to temporarily step into their worlds, it is hard to comprehend. Two illustrative examples that come to mind:
The Crusher: A few years ago my buddy and I were in Medellin. If you are familiar with the culture there, the traditional Western nightlife is non-existent as most girls go out with male friends and do not try to mingle with outsiders. We could not find any place where there were just girls out partying. Also relevant is that Colombia generally is not a country where guys are not known for their looks. Having a drink at a high end bar, we notice a guy who undoubtedly just crushes high quality pussy on a regular basis. 6’3, ripped, in a suit, blue eyes, angular face, wavy hair, and so on (no homo of course). I asked him in my conversational Spanish where he suggests for the night, and he casually mentioned so and so club would be fun. Well we went, and it was the only place in Medellin where we were surrounded by and consequently partied with very attractive young girls that were NOT with guys. Thank you, Mr. Crusher. Access is half the battle, and our assumption that a guy this attractive would know where to find attractive girls was right.
The Model: Last year I went out on a few dates with an actual runway model. Never really got anywhere with her because I gave up after what seemed to be low-grade psychosis on her part—changing plans constantly, one demand after another that always seemed to contradict the previous one and so forth. It was just too much mental accordion play. However, in my few dates I did see the difference—the aforementioned separate reality. She was treated like a movie star. People would comment on her aesthetics stemming from shock, not ulterior motives. Waiters and waitresses would incessantly follow up, just to make sure no comfort was sacrificed for her. This is something that absent fame, most of us will never experience. It was quite eye-opening and looking back, explains her attitude.
So…why so ugly?
First, let’s put aside the 1% on each side. Hitting the genetic lottery for better or worse (deformities on one hand, and the model/beautiful types on the other) is not something you can control. Once you accept that, the answer should be obvious. It’s laziness. The difference between an undateable and an average, and for that matter an average and an above-average, is lack of effort — not caring or doing enough with respect to your appearance.
Eat well? Fast food is easier. Go to the gym? Nah that’s for vain people. Dress nice? My 12-year-old sweatshirt is just fine. I simplify as there are other factors but the main culprit is laziness. If a girl is out of shape she’s too lazy to exercise. When a girl talks about chopping her hair off it’s because long hair “is just so hard to maintain!” A guy has bad breath because he’s too lazy to floss and brush.
These causes lead to certain effects. Unhygienic men do not hit trendy bars on a Friday night. Most girls sporting fat rolls do not have their Iphones blowing up with multiple gentlemen callers trying to connive themselves into their sweaty panties.
If you want to be desirable, all hope is not lost. These categories are fluid and movement from one to another is common, absent the 1% mentioned above. I will readily admit I’ve been undateable three separate times in my life, but after I ceased my laziness I escaped and now for good. There are plenty of articles around on how to improve one’s looks and style, so I won’t comment much on it. You can basically transform yourself in a day with some hygiene, decent clothes and a stylish haircut.
Finally, this highly scientific statistical breakdown is not meant to apply to every country. Ever wonder why so many girls love to travel to Argentina? Because the density of “crushers” there is rather high compared to most countries. Ever wonder why so many men love Ukraine/Russia? Because the girls there are the antithesis of laziness when it comes to their looks.
But hey, at least I’m not as pessimistic as some famed observationalists:Tweet Follow @returnofkings