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February 23rd, 2013

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4 Tips For Men Who Are Natural Introverts

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To me, an introvert is a man who is well versed in social dynamics and attracting women, but chooses to spend his free time alone reading books, learning, and lifting weights. He prefers having mini-relationships or a harem structure over one night stands.  He’ll have a small social circle and will meet women mostly during the day or online.

introvert girl

The benefits of being an introvert:

  • more time to spend improving oneself, pursuing hobbies, and building a lifestyle
  • less work to maintain satisfaction in the realm of women
  • natural inward focus and need for time alone (natural aloofness)
  • can play the lone wolf angle exuding confidence and dominance
  • naturally mysterious
  • success/failures will be easier to analyze

meinabar
Actual footage of me in a bar.

The costs of being an introvert:

  • a smaller social circle will mean fewer opportunities to meet women
  • easy to rationalize not approaching or not socializing
  • may fall into the trap of approaching solely online
  • many introverts will not spend their alone time productively (instead of learning a new language they will spend all day watching movies or focusing on something that will not benefit them, like video games)
  • easy to fall into laziness

A lot of introverted men feel they need to be someone they’re not in order to be successful with women. This isn’t at all the case. Here are four tips for introverts that will help them get laid:

1. Don’t feel the pressure to go out and fuck women just for the approval of friends. The ability to get pussy doesn’t define you. Don’t worry about if other people think you’re cool or social, a common problem with introverts.

2. When out and about, focus outwardly. Focus your energy on being friendly and approaching for two or three-hour stretches. As soon as you get home, recharge your batteries with alone-time.

3. Day game is your friend. Follow El Mech’s day game hack. Inconvenience yourself by taking short shopping trips, getting your coffee in a coffee shop, reading in a coffee shop, not listening to music or playing with your phone on the bus, and talking to people at the gym.

4. Don’t do activities inside your house. If you want to watch the game, get a few buddies together and go to a bar. Go to a pub for dinner every once in a while instead of cooking. Buy a book at the bookstore instead of shopping online.

The introvert must realize both his strengths and his weaknesses. He must maximize his strengths by focusing his alone time on his own pursuits. He must minimize his weaknesses by actively being social and putting himself in as many public situations to meet women. He must avoid the traps of laziness, routine, and most of all, he mustn’t rationalize not talking to women just because he self-identifies as an introvert. In short, be Bruce Wayne.

introvert bw

Read Next: An Easy Technique To Be Incredibly Interesting to Women



About the Author

is a biologist looking for the bigger picture of self-improvement and game. His column runs every Saturday.

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  • NFallin

    Great post. Thanks man.

  • TheMan

    I find myself perfectly fitted by the description you gave. For the gaming part, I’m still figuring it out, I’m working on it = I’m active. The problem is in the other department: I’ve fallen into laziness, and procrastination, and I can’t seem to get out. Any tips on breaking the pattern?

    • AwYeah

      depends on your current situation. are you a university student? try meeting up with someone from your class to study/do homework a couple of hours each day. this way I feel more productive and am more inclined to to useful stuff in my free time aswell

    • Western Cancer

      To break the pattern you have to do just that, you also have to keep track of everything. For example lets say that every day when you get back from work you kick off your shoes and read blogs for an hour, this causes you to say “fuck it” to doing anything productive for the rest of the night and its downhill from there. Once you’ve acknowledged a bad habit you need to break it. For the example I gave you could hit the gym before you got home, you could go to a coffee shop and read a book and on and on, Tick off a box reminding yourself that you didn’t come home and waste time on the internet and soon enough you’ll have broken the habit.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=601893144 Anders Skov Johansen

      The best way to “break” the pattern, is to observe the pattern. Start by keeping a log of your daily activities and write the time/duration for everything. This can take 2-3 weeks, ones you have a clear picture of your daily cycles (pattern), you can then start to generalize/predicting your pattern, at this point it is simply a matter of focusing you one problem at a time. Don’t be Bruce Wayne, be Patrick Bateman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGeAMVK75T4

      You can’t break a pattern, you change it. I use this app for logging: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.pdr.android.apps.mylogs

      • Danny

        That is a great tool. Thanks for recommending it!

  • Strauss

    “Introverts are not spergs”, why all the hate on some manosphere sites against people with Asperger? I am an introvert, and i have not been formally diagnosed, but i always have been suspicious of having some high functioning autism.

    Even if i don’t have it, more or less i can understand what is the mindset of a person with Asperger and i am almost sure that this is a genetic condition, so i really can’t understand hating a group of people with a condition that they didn’t choose to have.

    • Chase B

      Stating (A) =/= (B) does not indicate hate toward (B). If political correctness is important to you, you can find it in every other part of the internet.

  • Jason Statham

    As a huge introvert its nice to read something from someone who gets it. You described me perfectly. Great article.

  • http://www.facebook.com/john.loo.273 John Loo

    Thanks, great post. Sometimes I read some of the articles here and I think, “What? We’re still supposed to date women? I thought the best thing to do is fuck prostitutes.” I’m already doing the things you recommended. I guess the older you get, you have a better grasp of how much “social energy” you have so you know how much socialising you should do. But still, sometimes I feel I’ve missed out on some great chances. “Be Bruce Wayne.” Best fucking advice. Seriously.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1211917204 Scott Worthington

    I think every introver should travel overseas, preferably alone.Force yourself to make friends in a foriegn environment. You wil begin t see aspects of your personaty you never though existed. If its possible, do the Peace Corps, or any structured overseas program, and while you are abroa, AVOID Americans. Go native an exlusively surround yourself wih locals. When you return, you (and everyone around you) wll immediately notice a difference. You don’t live in the United States, you live on planet earth!

    • Western Cancer

      I definitely haven’t traveled as much as some of the guys around here, but this sounds like it would be great to give you perspective as well as seeing the aspects you never saw before.

      • adiaforon

        He’s right. I’ve usually traveled alone because I could never get anyone of good caliber to travel with me. Going alone means that I can more easily integrate into the local cutlure, without being overwhelmed.

      • Barrani

        On the other hand being a lone traveller also penalises you in terms of social value. Learned this from experience as I also have the same problem. I have it in mind to organise a piss up and see whether I can recruit any like minded lpup once I come back from the Fars province.

    • jackeyb

      Good Advice, except for the Peace Corps. Its a horribly lead organization with very little support.

      • Worldmusic

        I would recommend the Peace Corps PRECISELY BECAUSE you will get very little support. You will be abandoned in a town, village or provincial capital on your OWN for two years. You will be forced to fend for yourself, start a project, or just bum around and integrate. Trust me, you don’t want “headquarters” to know what your up to, especially if your fucking every girl in region! Go Native!

    • Barrani

      Can vouch for this however don’t let your guard down with the locals. You don’t know what they might be saying and some would not take kindly to a stranger shagging their girls. Your easiest target would be girls who are not in their home environmen as well, the locals might have a reputation to conserve especially if you’re in a small city or town.

  • Hipstersstink

    You hit the nail on the head perfectly with this. Described me exactly how it is. Sounds silly but when I was young I identified with the Batman comic books. I identified with a loner that worked on his mind and body. I used that to improve myself. Now I know my strengths and weaknesses and they are exactly what you wrote.

    It is a tug of war between falling into comfort and doing some of the things I like to do in public (read, cook less often, etc.).

    Really great stuff you guys are putting out there. Inspired me to get back into blogging.

  • CoupeDeVillain

    People often confuse introversion with shyness, and shyness with fear.

  • Doggo

    True about not using your alone time in a productive way. Introverts really need to be self-disciplined and have some focus.

  • PUMPsix

    Hits the nail on the head. Sadly I have fallen into laziness. I have got to get my shit together.

  • Rah

    Great post.

    When you’re younger it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking of introversion as a disability and drain yourself trying to compete with extroverts by acting just like them (but never as well). It’s still crucial to practice and hone social skills, but embracing and leveraging your hard wired nature is even more important.

    • Western Cancer

      Yeah, I’m beginning to realize that to maximize your success you have to follow the old adage of “just be yourself” Meaning that you must figure out who you are and what drives you in order to maximize strengths/weaknesses.

    • Rose

      American culture is an “extroverted” culture that looks down on introverts. We value the loud, vegas, frat-boy types (Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, John Belushi). British & French cultures are more “introverted” oriented, and place more value on quiet thoughtful types (Obama, Hilary Clinton, Tony Blair). Introverts thrive in the US too, though we are more “behind the scenes” (Dick Cheney) giving advise to the extroverts. Thats why introverts should travel abroad extensively. Einstein did not “bloom” until his family left Germany (extroverted culture) for Switzerland (introverted culture). In college, some of my very shy friends came back from study-abroad programs stunned at how easily they fit in and made friends while overseas, yet felt so isolated back on American campus. And how some outgoing types totally hated be abroad, and couldn’t wait to get back to good ole USA.

  • anon1

    Most manosphere readers are introverts. it comes with the territory of reading too much and not doing enough. With that said your article is great and covers some key points.

    Namely that introverts can hack the positive sides of their natural preclusion to being alone, but also have to balance that with points of outer extroversion.

    No one is totally one or the other, you are what you repeatedly think and do.

    So when fem bots say ‘i’m introverted, they don’t mean the same thing as what western cancer has identified here. they mean they’re fat/ugly/lazy

    it’s the same with those stupid ass jungian tests. infj entj does any of it fucking really matter? what matters is what you do, think and feel in that order.

    Do and you will think. think and you will feel. feel and you will do. its a cycle.

    get into a positive one

  • Percy Ruxman

    Introverts have a form of SPS (sensory processing sensitivity). They’re far more sensitive to their environment and can quickly sense another persons mood change i.e indications of interest etc. While this does not make learning game easier, it means that when an introvert is competent he has access to a deeper thought process.
    Going out alone is also largely beneficial to the introvert, that way your friends aren’t on-looking, what’s more is that you KNOW they aren’t looking.

    • Western Cancer

      Interesting. Do you have any links where I could read up on stuff like that?

  • American Yogini

    “To me, an introvert is a man who is well versed in social dynamics and
    attracting women, but chooses to spend his free time alone reading
    books, learning, and lifting weights. He prefers having
    mini-relationships or a harem structure over one night stands. ”

    That is not introversion.

    You’ve probably just alienated your genuinely introverted readers with imagined psychobabble that in no way speaks to their reality and in no way helps them.

    • Western Cancer

      “game for fully capable/well adjusted guys who prefer introspection and solitude to high energy blah blah blah” didn’t have the same ring as “game for introverts”

      • American Yogini

        ^^^ Yeah, right? Kinda my point as well. The best bet for genuine introverts is online dating.

      • Western Cancer

        Whats your definition of an introvert then? To me if someone relies on online dating that shows they just suck at human interaction.

      • adiaforon

        Not necessarily. As someone who has yet to do daygame that regularly, online has been my go-to for finding women. With my full-time job, commuting time, gym time, and other interests that I deem necessary for my mental and spiritual development, I don’t have a lot of time to go out and meet women in unstructured social situations like parties. And, anyway, at my age, most of the people at parties who are my age are either too old or already married. Few younger chicks unless I go to venues where they’re likely to be found.

      • Western Cancer

        If you haven’t done day game how do you know if you’re any good?

        There’s always plenty of time to meet women you just have to think outside the box and always be on alert for cuties.

      • American Yogini

        “To me, an introvert is a man who is well versed in social dynamics and
        attracting women, but chooses to spend his free time alone reading
        books, learning, and lifting weights. He prefers having
        mini-relationships or a harem structure over one night stands. He’ll
        have a small social circle and will meet women mostly during the day or
        online.”

        This does not describe introversion. What you have described is a man with a particular personality and life experience; he is

        1. well versed in social dynamics and attracting women
        2. is able to have mini-relationships or harem structure

        Neither of these are intrinsic to introversion though a particular introverted individual may be well versed in social dynamics as well as mini-relationships.

    • Ovid

      Aren’t there more suitable places on the Internet for you to troll?

  • fjod

    best article on ROK for me so far. thanks!

  • Danny

    Fantastic post! No shaming introverts for being who they are and great job listing the benefits of being one. I needed a reminder myself.

    I would like to add a few more tips here:

    1. See game as a project. A project involves making mistakes and analyzing, something that introverts love. Don’t see a rejection as a rejection but a chance to analyze things – “okay, I got rejected, that’s great! Now I can go back home or spend some quite time then and there to analyze what I did wrong and make the same mistakes again.”

    This changes your mindset – every approach, whether a success or failure, is a learning and self improvement opportunity. In other words, you can’t lose no matter what the outcome.

    2. With respect to how you spend your alone time. Stay away from porn no matter what. Porn will slowly and steadily kill your motivation to go out and approach until you are completely hooked on it.Porn will destroy you. PERIOD. If you are already an addict then do whatever you have to do to get off it.

    • PAPER

      I absolutely agree. I recently moved and did not have cable/internet for three months cuz I couldn’t afford it. Then my landlord felt sorry for me, and decided to give me free internet access. WORST THING SHE COULD HAVE DONE FOR ME, EVER!!

  • John Michael

    Agree as an introvert myself I find it hard to be in large groups of people for long periods of time while I enjoy my time with one or two people.

    • https://twitter.com/Teedub_5 Teedub

      I wouldn’t classify myself as an introvert, but I second that about preferring smaller company. In fact, all my life I’ve favoured just hanging with one friend at a time. I think that’s possibly so I could control the situation better as I’m a natural worrier.

  • anon

    I am a woman but this is still very helpful. Even though these are things that I already know it makes it easier to feel accountable when I see it in writing.

  • adiaforon

    As a lifelong introvert, I had to do trial and error to up my social skills. I’m still working on this at my age and it never seems to stop.

    Where things differ is in how I interact with most American men and women these days. The loud and brash Americhick sends me running for the hills, usually, and the pussified metro male causes me to roll my eyes. With my younger self, I thought this had something to do with me being too judgmental and high-and-mighty. But, what else can I be when confronted with such behavior?

  • Apollo

    In the literature I have read, the generally accepted definition of an introvert is someone who has to expend energy when around other people, and who needs “alone time” to recharge. Contrasted with an extrovert who recharges energy when socialising, and expends energy when alone. That definition of introversion fits me pretty well.

    Your tips are quite good, especially the one about not worrying about what others think of you. Its quite common for introverts to think there is something wrong with them, because extroverts are more common and because our society seems to be designed for extroverts. For introverts though, introversion is part of who they are, so its good to understand what it is and how to deal with the challenges it presents with regard to socialising.

  • Ken R. Anderson

    How sad that an article with some helpful points would reduce sex to the word “f–k” and women to the word “pussy.” Is this what men have become?

    • Roosh_V

      Fuck off, pussy.

    • Western Cancer

      What you fail to understand is that those are the perfect words for what I was trying to get across. I’ve met many guys who “fuck pussy” for approval. ie. rack up a notch count to impress their friends.

      So thank you for agreeing.

  • BunnyHooHoo

    Be careful to distinguish being introverted with social anxiety. I’ve got both, but I think the two can mimic each other. I think the first step is to figure out if you have one, the other or both. Social anxiety is a real pisser.
    I find the best benefits to being an introvert are 1) it aids in outcome independence and 2) you don’t need a woman’s approval. These are huge. The biggest obstacle is developing conversational skills. The biggest mistake in this respect is trying to mimic extroverts. Good eye contact and minimal fidgeting will establish you as a strong silent type.

  • Sleeper

    You say: “A lot of introverted men feel they need to be someone they’re not in order to be successful with women. This isn’t at all the case.”

    Then you turn around and say: “In short, be Bruce Wayne.”
    I don’t want to pick nits here because you were probably going for humor and everything in between those two statements was generally helpful.

  • http://twitter.com/romcio123 Derthal

    In many cases introversion or rather too much introversion and other related mental disorders (bad cognitive functions, self-neglecting, lack of concentration, laziness, etc) are caused by undernourishment. There are some important nutrients responsible for correct functioning of nervous system and depleted by years of bad eating habits and often various addictions. It is not a miracle solution but may help a lot with self-improvement and return to the world of the living. Sometimes it’s like toggle a switch – you take a pill with with proper vitamins and minerals and two days later fill like a new person. Switching to a healthy diet is not sufficient, it’s take months and even years to regenerate nerve tissiues.

    • Western Cancer

      Definitely. If I don’t get my Vitamin D I turn into an apathetic dweeb.

  • pantyfx

    Awesome article. I am and have been an introvert my whole life, another thing you can add to this mix that works really well for me is volunteering at charities or churches if your religious.

    Completing objectives makes participation reasonable, so if your volunteering at a place its easy to approach and meet women and it separates you from being a “nice guy” to a “nice man” which is a lot more beneficial.

  • Taz
  • American Yogini

    The internet is increasing the number of introverts. Nobody has to leave home anymore to connect with other people and have fun. Heck, a lot of people don’t even have to leave home anymore even to make money. Its changed the human relating game forever.

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