A phenomenon in Christianity in the last hundred years or so is ecumenism, the belief that Christians should be united despite differences in beliefs. This is especially ubiquitous today and is the major driving force behind all those smug non-denominational churches popping up all over town.

Yet churches today—at least within evangelicalism—are in fierce competition for membership, knowing that churches grow more by migration than by conversion. And a major marketing point for the church on your street corner is their children’s ministries.

The Story Of Suburban America

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You grew up going to church, but you decided that you would rather smoke weed and have sex. So you gradually quit going, giving a reason like how we can’t know with absolute certainty whether God exists. But then you got married and grew too old for recreational drug use. Now you’ve got kids, and you don’t want them to grow up into degenerates. Plus it’s hard to make friends post-college beyond the idiots at work.

So you decided to start going back to church. You saw a billboard advertising the children’s ministry at a church in the area. You’ve met a few people that go there. From all you’ve heard, it sounds like an entertaining place.

The church is huge and doesn’t feel stuffy and outdated. What can it hurt to take your family to church? Seems like a good thing to do, and you’ve got nothing to lose but a few hours of sleep.

Fast-forward twenty years, and you’ve found that of the kids your children grew up with at church, the ones that were the most devout have the worst substance abuse problems and often aren’t Christians at all anymore. Your daughter turned into the church slut, and your son is a complete social retard. What the hell happened?

The Hell That Happened

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Most pastors in any Christian sect have no marketable skills beyond public speaking. Protestantism in general has more candidates for pastoral ministry than positions available. So the pastor knows he has to be careful about which sermons he feels God leading him to preach or else he could easily find out that God’s calling in his life has suddenly changed.

People church hop regularly today, in part because of the competitive nature in evangelicalism. So people join churches like they join golf courses. This one is really nice, but that other one has a tennis court, so we’ll pay our dues there instead. You get out of people what you expect out of them, so if churches treat their laity like clientele, then the lay people will act accordingly.

The days of attending the same church your family has attended for generations is gone. This lack of commitment to individual churches correlates with the lack of commitment found in Christian marriages, as divorce is rampant in these nominally pro-family establishments.

Churches also measure their success by quantity of members instead of quality. And to outsiders, a large number of members is a sign of quality, much how people continue to eat at franchise restaurants no matter how awful they taste while ignoring the local restaurants, unless those local restaurants gussy up their atmosphere to look like chain restaurants.

My childhood church, one of the biggest in the area, was famous in high school for having the most back-stabbing youth group. Despite their business mentality, they never thought to judge the product based on its functionality.

What Your Kids Won’t Learn

Davis Aurini has said before that Christians raise their daughters like sons and raise their sons like maidens. The boys, believing in an objective morality, delay sex for marriage, and the girls, believing in the unconditional forgiveness promised, fornicate with the non-Christians. And God forbid a girl is ever taught not to pursue a career or to submit to her husband’s authority.

Teenagers at church are taught very little about the differences between men and women other than that only men have a sex drive, because the parents—who pay the light bills—are in desperate denial that their daughters experience all seven deadly sins.

And the kids must be taught about human sexuality at church, because parents want to outsource their job to the church. Parents want their kids to have a strong sense of morality, but they don’t want to put the effort into instilling that morality themselves.

Kids are never told that women lose their ability to bond in sex some twenty times faster than men. They are never taught what Biblical masculinity and femininity looks like, and the blatant sexism in the Bible is apologized for and argued around. Your kids will be told that sex is something sacred but that they should save it until age 25.

From Edward Thatch's "Why Christian Men Don't Deserve Virgins"

From the comments section of Edward Thatch’s “Why Christian Men Don’t Deserve Virgins”

But that much is obvious. Another thing your kids will never learn is moderation. Instead they will be taught that they are unable to have self-control and must compensate. This is why Christian girls are absolutely terrified of men even when they are ready to marry.

It’s also the reason many Christians will say, “I don’t think alcohol is a sin, but I would never drink it because I don’t want to cause others to stumble. My great uncle was an alcoholic, so it runs in the family, and I wouldn’t be able to control myself after just one beer.”

Secular music often encourages un-Christian behavior, so churches provide a cheap substitute, assuming that the definition of rock n’ roll is distorted guitars. Christians assume that if you encounter a message, then you will come to believe it by mere osmosis. This Puritan misconception is not unlike the contemporary leftist thought policing.

Jesus Has A Plan

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What a beautiful fairy tale castle cathedral!

Our society in general doesn’t place much stock in the notion of consequences. It’s as though people think they have a human right to not have their choices effect the outcome of their life. Churches have bought into this secularism with their preaching of Jesus’s forgiveness. He’s got a free gift of salvation. It won’t require anything from you!

The implication in promising free salvation is that there is nothing required on your end. So your daughter can whore herself around and believe that Jesus will forget all about it just as soon as she’s ready for Him to. And she’s also convinced that part of Jesus’s forgiveness involves still providing the plan for her that He’s had in mind from the beginning—namely that grand fairytale wedding.

Likewise, your son will believe that God will provide him with his fun, kind-hearted virgin bride in God’s own timing. Maybe that timing is when he’s 35, but God knows better than you, so don’t be complaining about your blue balls. And maybe that bride that God provides is a bit less than virginal or less than feminine or less than not divorced.

Doesn’t matter. God has a plan, and you need to marry that slut with the crushing law school debt. Can’t you see the signs? You happened to run into her at the store twice during the week after you first met her. Coincidences are God’s astrology.

Some of you may be thinking, “I was never taught any of that growing up in church! We just preached the Word.” That’s because the most dangerous things in garden-variety Christianity are not the direct teachings but the indirect. Just because nobody ever told you the words “self-esteem is a Biblical virtue” doesn’t mean that you didn’t internalize it from the attitudes surrounding you at church. And yes, often the lessons actually consumed completely contradict the lessons verbally spoken. It’s a broken system, like all things American.

For the rest of you, all that may sound like something from a bad preteen dystopian novel. It’s not. And unfortunately, they are a huge voting bloc, although the only real power they have today is keeping America in support of Israel’s apartheid.

Cafeteria Bible

Another great disservice your church will do to your kids is that, for all the talk about the importance of knowing the Bible, they are given a very skewed understanding of the Old Testament. Old Testament stories were taught to us as though they are fun children’s stories, like a real-life Snow White.

Then I got older and read about Gideon’s polygamy and paganism and David’s casual genocide when fighting as a mercenary for the Philistines. Apparently the Old Testament, in its attempt to be a detailed history of a time and place where only the fittest survived and human rights was the butt end of a tavern joke, is pretty bloody and hedonistic.

Turns out that the draconian morality in the Old Testament was just trying to make a stable civilization in a corner of the world with casual rape, sodomy, and infanticide being the Monday morning grind.

mrgod

Most adult Christians are vaguely aware of the rapey morality in the Old Testament, but few of them understand it, and pastors avoid the topic because it doesn’t mesh with the upbeat vibe of Sunday morning soft rock. Instead pastors just pretend it doesn’t exist, much as they do with the New Testament’s teaching about women shutting up in church.

Few Christians have read much of the Bible beyond isolated verses, and they are uninterested in reading any kind of Bible commentary or systematic theology because of the big words inside. Even seminaries have greatly watered down their curricula so that anyone with a call can change lives for the better or worse. I know more scripture blind drunk than most pastors do on a Sunday.

Christians today are panicking because that their kids grow up to dismiss the Bible as mere fairy tales, but they don’t realize that they themselves were the ones who taught the Bible like it was Dr. Seuss.

Conclusion

There are very few “good church girls” left, and even most virgin girls are drunk on modern secularist idealism. Meanwhile the boys buy into all the equality and soft feminism from their Sunday school teachers and thus come to believe that a real man is a kind and gentle white knight, someone who will sacrifice all of himself on a dime just like Jesus.

Therefore, if you want your kids to grow up with traditional morality, don’t take them to church.

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