Game, like any other discipline, is all about pushing your boundaries. You must never reach a comfort zone. If you do, then you are not hitting your full potential, and you must deliberately seek to make yourself uncomfortable again in order to keep getting the best results you’re capable of.
I’m talking in particular about pushing for the close. Guys, you must always push for the close. If you’re not doing so — and you’re not experiencing a number of harsh blowouts along the way — then you are doing something wrong and you should look at your strategy and rethink.
One problem for men first getting into the game is that, once they’ve got over their initial, sometimes crippling fear of approaching and interacting with women, they enter a honeymoon period where the simple fact of getting favourable responses from women feels so awesome that they don’t push for the close for fear of messing up.
Psychologically, it makes sense. If you’re in a bar talking to a cute girl and she’s responding well and giving you positive signals then that feels good. You are getting validation—perhaps for the first time—from a female you have just approached. Your cerebral receptors are rewarded with a warm, fuzzy feeling of achievement. Awesome — why would you want to mess that up?
But here’s the thing. Your goal is not to get positive female validation in bars. Your goal is to have sex. Therefore you must always push forward, even if doing so gets you blown out.
Think about it like this. How much value would you place on having sex with a girl? In the context of pick-up, it would have to be 10 out of 10. After all, sex is the endgame. Now, how much value does a nice conversation with a polite female have? On the same scale, maybe 2/10 or 3/10 at most?
Fuck nice conversations. Go for the close. What does that mean in practice? It means escalating, both verbally and physically.
When you’re in the bar or club, ensure that when you are interacting with girls, there is no doubt that there is a sexual subtext. I don’t mean to say that you should show your hand too early by being overt, or telling her she’s beautiful, or anything chodey like that. But what you must ensure is that she knows you’re hitting on her. You can accomplish this through the course of a set with the following tools:
- Strong eye contact
- Physical proximity
- Touch (what game geeks call ‘kino’)
- Flirtatious and suggestive or downright sexual banter
- Leading behaviour
- Making out
Too many guys are content to have safe, friendly conversation with the girls that they meet, take contact details, and assume that what they’ve done counts as a pull. While I would always encourage anyone to rack up all the phone numbers they can collect for the simple reason that you never know 100% which lead is going to come off, I would also counsel that unless you are loading your sets with sexual spark, and making yourself stand out from the horde of chodes that surround most semi-cute girls, then most likely you are wasting your time.
Let’s consider the final two elements on the list—leading, and making out. The two go hand in hand, and they are often at the outer limit of new guys’ comfort zones.
Leading is actually very simple. After you’ve been chatting for a couple of minutes (or even sooner, if you think you can get away with it), put your hand out for the girl to take. then say “we’re going to the bar,” or “come on, we’re going out for a cigarette,” or “come over here — there’s something I’ve got to show you.”
Then take the girl to wherever you’ve indicated. Voila — you’ve now successfully isolated, and you can continue gaming away from her friends in comparative privacy. If your target resists, or makes an excuse not to come with you, then don’t worry—simply carry on chatting and try again a few minutes later.
Of course, you should have been building up for the make-out throughout the interaction by initiating kino from when you first met her, pulling her close, pulling her hair playfully, and, assuming all’s going well, kissing her neck and ears.
The quicker you can do this stuff the better, as you are raising her buying temperature while simultaneously showing that you are simply “one of those guys” who is sexual and comfortable with it. Once you’ve established this, then the notion of sleeping with you will seem a lot more natural to her and less of a conceptual leap.
Remember: Girls hate to feel awkward and they will disqualify anyone who makes them feel it as “creepy.” A lot of game is about avoiding awkwardness.
So, when you’ve got her alone, the easiest way to initiate a make-out is simply to put out your hand, cup her cheek gently with it and pull her head towards yours, angling her gently so that your lips are level and approaching one another. Then kiss her.
If she turns her head—a fundamental fear that stops many guys even making a move—then don’t sweat it. Just smile, say something like “cool, I was aiming for your cheek anyway,” and just keep talking.
Then try again. Believe me, if she’s still there and she hasn’t walked off yet, then persistence is key and it will pay off.
The Bottom Line
Let’s be clear: just because you have isolated and made out with a girl doesn’t mean that she will sleep with you, or even remember you after a couple of shots when the DJ has dropped that new Avicii cut. But think about it like this—if she won’t even make out with you, then she how can you possibly expect her to sleep with you?
In this sense, a make-out is a decent marker of attraction, and so in a club situation it’s something you should always be aiming for at the very least.
Of course, once you have made out then you should escalate again, by trying to get her back to your place for post-club “drinks.”
Always push to make the interactions you get into physical. Again, to stress the point, even when you are successful in this it doesn’t mean you will get sex. But I speak to too many new guys who get excited about phone numbers from girls with whom they have had no physical interplay at all. The reason? Most likely they were to reticent to push forward for fear of spoiling the nice friendly conversations they’d been having.
Don’t let this be you—remember, it’s always better to get a slap round the face then be friendzoned.