What motivates you?
Why do you go to work every day? Why do you go to school? Why do you go to the gym? Why do you go out at night?
For most guys the answer to all of these questions boils down to money, sex, or a combination of the two.
If we’re being honest, we all work for money and the freedom and security that it brings us. We all go to the gym and the bar in order to get laid.
And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting more money and more sex, there is something wrong with getting hyper-focused on these outcomes. And this is a trap that all too many of us fall into, at one time or another in our lives.
It’s easy to catch ourselves thinking, “I’ll be so happy if I get that raise,” or “I’ll be so happy if I can have sex with that girl tonight.” THIS line of thinking is a problem. An extra $10,000 per year or one night of amazing sex won’t make any noticeable change to your happiness levels. If you’re not already happy, then good luck finding happiness in money and sex.
Money is only as good as what it brings you
Why do you want money? If your reason is to buy a house, a certain car, a new computer, or some cool clothes then, quite honestly, you’re fucked.
Think about it—why do you want these things? When you really get down to it, what’s the reason you want a big house? Maybe it’s because that’s what you think it takes to be “successful.”.
Why do you really want an expensive car? Is it because you really like the features of the car, and how it feels to drive it? Or is it because you think it will give you the status you need to pull more tail? Be honest with yourself.
I can’t tell you what’s “right”—I can’t tell you what a “good” reason to want money is. Personally I’m building a business because I need money to pay rent, eat, go to the gym, enjoy things like going to see a movie, travel a bit, and yes—to buy some new cool shit like clothes and electronics every once in a while.
I can tell you that studies have shown that people who spend money on experiences instead of “things” tend to be happier afterwards. And I can also tell you that from my experience the freedom I get from knowing I make enough to pay rent, buy my necessities, and still have enough left to travel and buy a few cool things here and there is worth more to me than any car or house ever will be.
Sex is the definition of a fleeting pleasure
Can you remember the best sex you’ve ever had?
I can certainly remember a few amazing sessions. And while they were pretty fucking amazing times, they definitely were not worth all of the stress, pressure, and bullshit I put myself through back in my days of being obsessed with “game” and “pickup.”.
You see, if you’re someone who’s convinced himself that you’ll be that much happier if you have a harem of hot women you can hit up for sex as you please, then you’ve got it all backwards. First of all, you’re putting yourself in a place of lacking where you’re not enough by yourself – and that alone will make achieving your goal that much harder.
And second – even if you do succeed in banging loads of hot women – you’ll quickly realize that sex, even with hot women, is not some magic elixir that will cure your problems and insecurities. It lasts for a bit – and then it’s over. The same as any good movie, comedy show, date, or conversation – it’s here and then it’s gone.
So what will bring you happiness?
As you can see I truly believe pursuing money and sex for their own sake is not a battle worth fighting. So what is a battle worth fighting? What pursuits will bring you happiness?
Well, honestly, this is different for every man. We all have distinct values. But, in general, doing things that are in line with these values is a good place to start.
If you value your personal freedom, then working towards building a business that will support you in living a life that you control would be a solid option. If you value physical activity, then working out, getting fit, and pursuing hobbies like playing sports or martial arts are probably good ways to spend your time.
And, above all, becoming supremely comfortable in your own skin and learning to love yourself is crucial to developing a happiness that will last. And I find the quickest way to do this is through meditation and being able to sit there, alone, and in silence without needing to be distracted by external sources like other people, your smartphone, or music.
So should I forget sex and money completely?
Now the pursuit of sex and money shouldn’t be written off completely. In fact the actual pursuit of any goal is where the real value lies.
You see, when you push yourself to get more money, date hotter women, or accomplish anything else, you have to work your ass off, learn new things, persist past countless failures, and all-around test your grit, time and time again. And it’s through these various hardships where the real growth will occur.
You will really get to know yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses as you go… well, if you keep pushing, at least.
And once you’ve arrived at your destination… As you’re admiring your hefty bank account… Or as you’re lying in bed with a beautiful women by your side… This is when you will smile, not only because you made it, but because you’ll look back at all the bullshit that you endured to get there.
You’ll realize that the best part of it all was the struggle. And as you move forward in new pursuits you’ll learn to love the process. The outcome comes and goes… but the process sticks with you forever.
But remember: it’s best to ground yourself and fill your days with activities that make you happy – and meditation – in order to stay sane and happy as you go.
Read More: 6 Habits That Hold Men Back