One of televisions all-time greatest dumbasses has some things to teach us? Who would have thought! Here are eight scenarios from throughout The Simpsons‘ lengthy lifespan (but mainly the 1990’s) which showcase that, on occasion, Homer is a wiser individual than we would like to give him credit for. Get ready to laugh and learn.
Women Are Like Beer
Women are indeed a lot like a beer. Even though the intoxicating effects of a beer lasts nearly an hour, while an orgasm is less than 10 seconds, indulgence in both brings among the most pleasurable somatic scenarios that an adult male will likely ever experience. Much like the traditional slogan for White Castle hamburgers, women and beer are “what you crave.”
Also like beer, it’s silly to just try one type of female and stick with it forever. You need to figure out what “brand” you like best, and it’s wired in our DNA to be the alpha male and get all the women we can. Especially while our sexual potency is in it’s prime.
So throughout your late teen’s and 20’s, go out there and give at least 15 or 20 different flavors a try (of beer and women) before you even consider locking down your favorite.
But whatever you do, don’t ever completely stop or call it “game over” at one. For there is no “special snowflake” type of beer or woman in the whole wide world. Always have another one on tap or in the pipeline.
Understand The Friend Zone
Homer, being a total oaf his entire life, has undoubtedly been rejected or friend-zoned numerous times by other females prior to meeting Marge. He knows all the tricks up a woman’s sleeve when they want to make a point they are not interested in another man.
Compliment Women In A Strategic Manner
“When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always wanting more…MORE….MORE!! – Homer Simpson
Homer is spot on with this one. Women crave compliments and social validation like heroin, and this has been thrust into overdrive in the 2010’s with the vast array of social media applications which young women gobble up for breakfast, brunch, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, midnight snack, and really just about anywhere in between.
However, you should always refrain from shitblasting women with compliments of “goddess!” or “marry me!” on social media. It is very beta behavior, and adding to women’s already over-inflated sense of self-worth should not be our mission objective.
Instead, use compliments strategically during real-life situations which get a woman’s hamster wheel churning like a locomotive. Women can do all sorts of things for you (like getting them to pay for stuff and buy you presents) if you tickle their fancy just right.
Value Your Own Company
Friends, lovers, and girlfriends are wonderful things to have in your life. However, you should also be comfortable in your own skin and find value and enjoyment in your alone time as well. If it’s a Friday or Saturday night, and it seems like everybody is getting some action but you, a man who can be ecstatic in the company of “me, myself, and I” is a very admirable personal quality. (Just don’t take it to excess or be weird about it.)
Play It Cool
Confidence is pivotal to the all-round success of a man. You need it in order to laid, which of course should be pretty obvious to most heterosexual men. But with female-dominated human resource departments in the 21st century, you need it to simply have a hope of getting one of the dwindling numbers of jobs these days.
So forget all that blue pill “just be yourself” crap. You have to tweek your personality a bit and play it cool in order to get what you want.
Marriage Is A Lot Like An Orange
A truly classic piece of (inadvertent) relationship wisdom. In the 1994 episode “Secrets Of A Successful Marriage,“ Homer manages to land a second job as a marriage counselor. At one point, he accurately demonstrates to his class that marriage is a lot like an orange, though not quite in the manner he intended.
The point is, marriage can be nourishing and sweet, for a little while. But at some point the juice will run out, and you realize to you’re disappointment and horror that all you’re left with is biodegradable skin.
Disregard Females, Acquire Currency
Face it gentlemen, money is freedom. And just what is freedom exactly? It’s peoples ability to “follow their own will in all things that the law has not prohibited and (2) not be subject to the inconstant, uncertain, unknown, and arbitrary wills of others.” Freedom is what we’re all about here in the Manosphere.
When you have money in abundance, you can quit your meaningless job, permanently live abroad, eat healthier foods, live in more desirable locations, hit the highway on your motorcycle, or reside in a more pimp bachelor pad. By proxy, your material success will also attract women (who are obviously good for nothing more than a pump-n-dump).
Tune Out Disgusting Man-Hating Feminists
Ughh, “feminists.” The mainstream media likes to pretend that these women (and their mangina enablers) are doing society a favor, but they are more akin to being a medical leech. You see, back when civilization was superstitious and backward, leeches were assumed to suck out “bad blood” during a bout of illness. But now we realize they just made things even worse, by sucking out more of your own vital fluids.
That’s what feminists do. They pretend that there is much “injustice” in society, and only their “progressive” liberal policies will cure the ills of civilization. But all they do is act against logic, lie profusely, and make our already sick society even more degenerate.
And who in the hell thought that Sarah Silverman’s brand of man-hating and dog-humping humor was actually funny? Homer certainly doesn’t.
Understandably, some people are irritated with the portrayal of the Simpson family because it follows the “buffoonish father” formula which has been the mainstay of western TV media for decades.
However, the show has been airing for so long now (25+ years), that Homer has inevitably been featured in numerous vignettes and set pieces which are laced with red pill philosophy.
And let’s face it, the show was such a dominant and enjoyable piece of popular culture in the 1990’s, which contributed heavily towards making that decade so damn good overall (compared to now). Amen to that.
Read More: Eating From The Tree Of Wisdom