Have you seen the movie Limitless (2011)? In it, a failed writer takes a dose of an illegal drug that enhances brain function. The rollercoaster plot takes him into a lot of trouble, but he simply pops another NZT pill and comes out on top every time. I won’t spoil anything for you, but let’s just say that the climax of the movie involves chainsaws. So yeah, go watch Limitless.

A more recent example of the same trope is Lucy (2014). Again, the movie revolves around a magic pill that enables Scarlett Johansson to kick ass with over 9000% brain capacity. This time around, the pill is supposedly made from baby placentas or some such nonsense.

Though critics ripped Lucy apart, there are some good scenes in the movie. But for me the most fascinating was the idea that this awesome chemical that gives godlike powers occurs naturally within the body.

*gulp* I am become God

Even The Matrix had the turning point that involved swallowing a pill. Morpheus offers Neo a choice between two pills – blue and red. Neo takes the red pill and wakes up in the real world. Still, we have no idea what the red pill contained, but if I had to choose one naturally occurring substance, it would be the ballsack juice—AKA testosterone.

testosteron model

This humble molecule defines men

Testosteron is the alpha male among all male hormones. It gives unflinching confidence, the desire to dominate, aggressiveness, and the feeling of invincibility. Testosterone sharpens the mind and gives it focus. The goal is only one—be better than any other man. It’s not necessarily the desire to be the best, but rather the urge to not be the worst.

The awesome juice

When found in the bloodstream, testosterone helps sweat glands produce androstenedione, which signals masculinity to females. Think about what deodorant brands are trying to do: advertise the smell of an alpha male to all females, at which point they should form a line to wax the guy’s pole.

axe

Best deodorant ever, 10/10

But testosterone isn’t just about the superficial. It enhances the man and prepares him for fighting. Testosterone burns body fat, keeps the weight down, builds muscle mass, strengthens the bones, promotes hair growth, and gives abundant energy. You become a lean, mean, fighting machine once you have enough testosterone coursing through your veins.

Womb is the first battlefield

Not even the most hardcore feminist neuropsychiatrist (it’s a real thing) can deny that testosterone shapes the man’s brain to be fundamentally different than a woman’s brain. While in the womb, baby boys grows tiny nuts that make daddy proud and which immediately start pumping testosterone into the boy’s brain. This makes the boy enter the world kicking and screaming and keeps him going through it in the same manner.

Until he eventually gets to kick his boss like this

Until he eventually gets to kick his boss like this

Testosterone will slowly increase until the age of nine, at which point it will skyrocket to about 20 times its previous level. It peaks somewhere around 30 and then begins a graceful descent into the ripe old age. No amount of sensitivity training or nagging can change this trajectory or the man’s brain to the point of being identical to female brain.

Crash landing into depression

With the decline of testosterone in the bloodstream comes the weight gain and increase in body fat, brittle bones, loss of hair, and a general sensation of fatigue. In short, you stop being awesome and start to suck.

These symptoms are usually taken as normal signs of aging. But what if they aren’t? What if these are just symptoms of low testosterone production? Let’s look at the options for increasing the testosterone levels.

070912_crash_landing

Nah, I don’t feel like going out tonight

Normal levels of testosterone in the bloodstream are considered anywhere between 270 to 1070 ng/dL. Nowhere else is there such an absurd range of values that defines “normal levels.” This is another way that the establishment wants to dilute what being a man means.

Also, because of this range, doctors will generally refuse to prescribe testosterone to you. Testosterone and its derivatives are considered a controlled substance and placed in the same class of drugs as heroin, so good luck in trying to acquire them legally.

Hacking the matrix

One simple thing you can do to increase your testosterone levels is lifting weights. As it turns out, the body has built-in feedback mechanisms. Since testosterone increases muscle mass, muscle mass also increases testosterone. By doing simple resistance training, you become much more awesome with each new set of repetitions.

pills

Who needs these when you’ve got IRON?

You will feel the effects of this almost instantly. The body and the mind become one when you lift weights. It sounds poetic, but I’m completely serious. Weightlifting should be a standard practice in all elementary schools, but it isn’t and it’s never going to be since physically weak boys are more easily controlled by females in authority positions with superiority complexes.

Power posing

Besides lifting weights, there is also another way which sounds completely ridiculous but is actually backed by science. Remember when I mentioned the feedback mechanism? It turns out that, since testosterone gives the feeling of domination, if you can produce that same feeling through some other means, you get a small testosterone boost.

How do you appear dominating? By taking up as much space as possible.

ready

Until now I’ve only seen Dexter smile like that

This means spreading out your arms and legs. Basically you extend your personal bubble of private space as far as you can. Though this would probably make for some really awkward subway experiences, the science behind this is solid and has been proven over and over again.

Once you get used to taking up as much space as you can, you will start liking it and people will positively respond to your confidence. At this point, direct them to the Return of Kings website, where men learn to develop their hidden potential. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Read more: How To Obtain And Use Testosterone For Male Birth Control