Understand this: really grasping the concept of abundance is fundamental to success with women. When I did so my results skyrocketed – and that will happen for you, too.
The opposite of abundance: ‘Oneitus’
The seduction community frequently discusses a condition it calls “oneitus”: in fact, the term it has become something of a meme simply because the phenomenon it refers to is so common. Oneitus, put simply, is the myth of “the one” – the belief that one “special girl” is the only person in the universe who can make you complete, and that without her life will be meaningless.
Often, although not exclusively, a man’s “oneitus” will be a girl he is attracted to but has not yet hooked up with for whatever reason. Perhaps she is a colleague at work he hasn’t had the courage to approach; or maybe he has approached her and she has rejected him with the infamous LJBF formula – “let’s just be friends” – a line women use to turn down men so frequently that it has become a trope in its own right.
This is the most painful place a guy can be – in the throes of what used to be called unrequited love. That terrible, soul-destroying craving for that one special girl. If you find yourself in this position, and indeed if you’ve come to this book to try to get that one special girl to like you, then you need to take steps to disengage from those negative feelings and forget about her.
Banish from your memory all those romantic movies you’ve seen where the shy, nerdy but good-hearted guy winds up getting his beautiful long-term crush to go out with him at the end – real life just isn’t like that. The truth is that girls (like guys) categorize potential romantic and sexual partners very quickly – usually within the first few minutes of meeting. If you are in the wrong camp – i.e. a girl’s “friend” camp – then you will find it is very, very difficult to get out and in most cases impossible.
Far better to walk away from this girl and move onto a fresh prospect, who (with the help of this book) you will present yourself to differently – as a potential sex partner. Later on, when the first girl has seen that you’ve had success elsewhere and notes your change in demeanor then she might – and it’s an outside chance – reconsider, but don’t count on it. Do yourself a favor and move on.
Do not, under any circumstances, buy into the “friends” frame. Women are happy to spin out these pretend friendships for months or even years, as they receive validation from them for minimal emotional investment. But the truth is you’re not truly friends – there’s an imbalance. You want something more from her than she is unwilling to provide and you both know it.
No true friendship can exist on these terms. Don’t feel you owe her anything just because she’s being “nice” to you (on the surface at least). Life is short and you need to put your own interests first. The frame with which you should approach your male-female interactions should be honest and straightforward: either this leads to sex and a man-to-woman relationship, or I walk.
If at this point you are thinking something along the lines of “but she’s special and different and I want to get to know her first before sleeping with her”; or you think it somehow crude to put sex first, then you need to take a reality check and realise how things really work. Sex always comes first – the “relationship” afterwards. It is not even necessary for a girl to especially “like” you in order for her to sleep with you. Attraction is all that’s required.
If you have come to this book hoping to “convert” a special girl, you’ve asked her out once or twice and you’re getting no traction with her then you need to rip the band aid off and move on. Here’s a six step guide on how to do so:
- Accept that at the moment, the way things are, this girl is not into you in the way that you want her to be.
- Break all contact with her immediately: stop calling her, don’t answer if she calls you, de-friend her on Facebook, block her on Twitter etc. Shore up all possible routes of engagement, basically.
- Avoid all conversations about her with mutual friends. In fact, just cut out the mutual friends. The last thing you want right now are constant reminders of her.
- Stamp on any unwanted or negative thoughts about her unmercifully. Whenever a thought comes up, don’t wallow—suppress it hard and move on.
- Have guy friends you can talk to discreetly about it, but limit these to one or two at most. The friends must be male, and must be those who are going to understand and help you stick to your guns, rather than talk you out of your course of action. Don’t talk to anyone else outside of these people about the situation, and try to limit the amount of time you spend talking to them about it. Again, don’t wallow.
6. Go out and meet other girls.
This is an excerpt from my ebook the Seven Laws of Seduction. For more information on how to get out of the friendzone and into bed with beautiful women click here