Most guys get caught up in the verbal aspects of game.
What do I say? When do I say it? How do I respond when she says this or that?
This is all BACKWARDS. The easiest way to get “good” with women is to master the non-verbals… Hell, the best way to get “good” socially in general is to focus on the non-verbals.
I mean, let’s flip the script: what makes you go crazy for a particular girl? Is it how she can masterfully construct witty sentences and always say the “right” thing?
No, it’s not. It’s how she carries herself. How she dresses. The overall “feel” you get when you’re around her… It’s her fucking ENERGY.
You must take advantage of the incredible power of non-verbal communication. You must control the key factors in your appearance and behavior that have the biggest impact on the image and “energy” you project to the world. Here are my top four ways to do this…
1. Intense Eye Contact
Eye contact is a fundamental part of every interaction. Good eye-contact can build rapport and attraction. Bad eye contact can come off as creepy or insecure.
The key to mastering eye contact is holding it for just a bit longer than the other person can. This signals that you’re more comfortable in the interaction than they are, and makes you the “leader.” Generally, the other person will gradually get more comfortable holding it for longer as you go, making the interaction that much more personal and intimate.
The other main portion of good eye contact is breaking it by looking to the sides as opposed to looking down. Looking down signals weakness. Looking to the sides is natural.
2. Strong Posture
Standing tall and proud makes you look confident and self-assured. Being hunched over and closed off makes you look insecure and awkward.
The key to good posture is holding the crown of your head high and your shoulders back. This is most effectively accomplished by doing exercises that strengthen your back and rear deltoid muscles, like rows and reverse shoulder flys. Stretching your chest will also help immensely.
3. Basic Grooming and Style
There are a lot of factors that go into good grooming and style, but I’ll offer you three key pieces to make sure you have down:
- Maintain proper hygiene – this means take showers, brush your teeth, and wear deodorant. There’s nothing more unattractive than body odor or yellow teeth.
- Groom your hair – this means getting a regular haircut and trimming your beard, if you have one. While a little roughness and shagginess can be attractive, it’s better to err on the side of keeping a clean look.
- Wear clothes that fit – this means that your shirt gently hugs your chest and isn’t super baggy around your waist, and that your pants are similarly on the “tighter side”. This DOES NOT mean skinny “punk rock” jeans. Leave a little breathing room in there for comfort and style.
If you nail these three things down, then at the very least you’re style should not hold you back from success with women, or just in general.
4. A Full Voice (and proper breathing)
While this could be considered a “verbal” technique, your tone of voice is non-verbal in nature, meaning that it doesn’t have to do with the specific words you say.
You want to aim for a deeper voice, but avoid being monotone and boring. The key to mastering your voice is to control your breathing, and to breath deeply from your stomach as opposed to your chest or throat.
This allows you to use the full spectrum of your esophagus and utilize your “full voice”, as opposed to an awkward or high pitch when you don’t do this. Breathing deeply will similarly allow you to relax and quell any anxieties that you may have in social situations.