Writing regularly for Return of Kings, I notice two objections to game that come up frequently in the comments section. I thought it would be useful to discuss them both in detail and relay my thoughts on them.
1. “Game pumps girls’ egos and inflates the price of pussy”
Some guys, whenever they read an article that advises approaching women frequently in order to get good or to maximize your chances of success, will argue that doing so is counterproductive. Women’s egos are sky high with constant Facebook and Instagram likes, Tinder matches, and so on. This is why they are frequently bitchy and entitled. Approaching ad nauseam simply increases their entitlement, worsening their attitude and consequently making it harder for other guys to get laid.
If we stopped feeding girls’ egos through game, the argument goes, then they would be less in love with themselves and some balance would be restored in a sexual marketplace that is spiraling out of control.
It is slightly odd how in a community where many men would suckle on the withered teat of Ayn Rand herself, so enthused are they about the “every man for himself” principles of self-determination in business, that when it comes to women, a much more egalitarian, socialist ideal is insisted upon. “Men shouldn’t fuck one another over,” we are told. “Don’t stroke girls’ egos unnecessarily and make it more difficult for everyone else.”
Now, I am certainly not one for sabotaging other men’s efforts – quite the contrary – but to me this is baloney.
For one thing, hot girls are validated constantly from their teenage years until at least their late-twenties anyway. Imagine for a second being a sexy twenty-three-year-old walking down a subway platform, all those eyes flicking in your direction, heads turning, smiles. Yes, social media may arguably have exacerbated the problem, but I remember the days before Facebook, and believe me, cute girls still thought they were the shit.
The vast majority of men are unable to help giving out some sign of their attraction, even if only on a subliminal level. And girls are highly attuned to picking up on the smallest physical and social cues. Trust me – letting her know that you’re into her by approaching is a drop in the ocean.
And even if it did make a difference – how many guys do you think are actively out there in the field taking action on the stuff they read on ROK and other sites? It’s a distressingly small proportion. I think Krauser estimates that only 5% of men who come into contact with game material do anything about it, and even fewer practice consistently.
In London where I live you can observe the hardcore daygamers out in force on Oxford Street doing “Yad stops” (Google it) and whatever else. But in other districts women hardly ever get approached. I have long told people that the tube is a goldmine for pick-up, and it is – I’ve gotten so many lays from public transport that I’d find it hard to recount them all. But as few have the balls to chat to girls there it’s almost an open goal. Far from pumping womens’ egos to preposterous levels, serious practitioners of game are in an extreme minority.
More important, though, is one’s mental attitude. If you want anything in life, you have to fight for it. I believe as much in sexual entrepreneurialism as I do in any other positive endeavour. I have no interest in limiting opportunities for other guys, but at the same time if I want something then I’m going to damn well go for it. That is a mindset you should develop too.
Of course we foster a community here for men to support one another, but at the end of the day, every guy must carve out his own destiny. That means stepping up to the plate and pursuing your desires, be they business-orientated, artistic, or sexual. The people who complain about this attitude are the same people who sit around complaining about guys with rich parents having a better start in life, rather than getting off their asses, working hard, and making something of themselves.
If you go out and approach girls regularly, you are not inflating the price of sexual access: rather, you are creating opportunities for yourself in the market.
2. “Learning game is a waste of time. You’re better off developing yourself as a man so the chicks will come to you”
Other guys, when presented with an article about game, will make this argument – that rather than wasting God knows how many hours chasing pussy, you’re better off doing something more constructive like studying, starting a business and so on. Actually, this is a viewpoint that I have some sympathy with. As anyone who has read David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man will know (and all guys should) the most important thing a man can do is have a mission in his life that is unconnected with women.
If you genuinely decide that your sole focus (for now) is building that business, writing that symphony or climbing Kilimanjaro then by all means eschew women for that pursuit. I completely agree that such achievements far outweigh the mere scoring of pussy.
But – and it’s a big but – if you are secretly hoping that by making something of yourself women will flock to you, then I’m afraid you are wrong. Unless you become genuinely A-list famous then you will still have to graft like the rest of us – for the hottest girls, at least. As I’ve said before, I have friends who are extremely rich, good-looking, and accomplished who, lacking in game, have as much difficulty attracting women as anyone else.
You see, what getting girls really comes down to is creating attraction and escalating within a personal interaction. This is the same whether you are a barman or a millionaire. If you have spent ten years staring at a laptop screen building a business, then you will be no better equipped than the guy who lives in his mom’s basement and has severe social issues.
Some men will then advocate avoiding the market altogether through a simple strategy – pay for play. Rich, successful guys have always paid for sex, the argument goes. Why waste time on the vicissitudes of pussy chasing when you can simply pay for the services of a 10 for $500?
Now, personally, I have no issue with men wishing to use prostitutes either to supplement their normal sexual diet, or as their sole outlet if they wish – although this is certainly not something we promote here at ROK. But in the end, men can make their own decisions and do what they want. My only observation would be that sex with a hooker, no matter how attractive, is in most cases qualitatively inferior to sex with a willing, aroused partner who you have gamed successfully. ROK commentator Hernan Cortez had this to say when I made a similar point last week – I hope he won’t mind me quoting him here :
‘If paying for sex is not good enough, you simply confirm my previous points. This is not merely about a biological urge to have sex. No you see, in your mind set, its not enough to get sex. This is about wanting female acceptance. And hookers don’t “Accept” you they just fuck you for money [but] that won’t do.’
If there is a craving for “female acceptance” in wanting to fuck girls who actually like you, then I would argue that it is small. Most alphas I have known have got off on the fact that girls are attracted to them, even to the point of boasting about it to me and others. And yet they would scoff at the notion that their wider sense of self was in any way validated by a mere woman.
Of course there is an ego-boost inherent in a hot chick wanting you—I would say that this is natural for most men, alphas and betas alike, and it’s something you don’t get with prostitutes (in most cases). But most importantly, sex is almost always better with a woman who is aroused and genuinely wants to be there rather than with a paid bit-part actress who’s simply going through the motions, however attractive she may be. So while a man may save time on gaming by getting in hired help, the quality of the sex his achieves through this strategy is likely to be lacking.
The best advice I can give is to work on yourself and game at the same time. By all means improve yourself as a man, but also recognize that pick-up doesn’t need to involve seven hour nightclub stints every evening. An hour after work or on a break and a couple of approaches a day is all you need to improve and start to see results. Roosh has recommended one approach a day before. Getting into a routine and sticking to it consistently will lead to an upswing in your performance and results in no time.
Today, game is unavoidable. If you want to get laid with good-looking girls with any regularity, you need at least a working knowledge of it, and to have practiced it consistently over time. Stepping up to the plate can be hard and there are no shortcuts. Luckily, the internet is now awash with good quality advice and support. A decade or so ago this was not the case, so those learning now are fortunate.
While some guys make interesting and articulate points about the inflation of pussy stock through excessive gaming, and the benefits of avoiding the pick-up melee entirely in favor more important pursuits, my suspicion is that they do so to intellectually support their own reluctance to man up and face female rejection by approaching. If you want a regular and varied sex life, you can’t afford to entertain the same mindset.
Read More: You Have to Learn to Love Rejection