As a manager, supervisor, boss, owner, etc. it’s imperative that you hire the best and brightest for your organization. An employee is an investment. That investment needs to be properly managed in order to grow and succeed.

Once that employee reaches his pinnacle of growth and success, you and he have reached the most optimal production output. It’s a successful partnership and ultimately, the both of you are making more money.

However, not all employees, like men, are created equal. Only the best can ensure you reach that end game of mutual success. I’ve reviewed hundreds of resumes and held countless interviews, most pre-planned and others held at public job fairs.

The “new” adage, “Never judge a book by its cover” is completely false. It’s the single quickest way for an interviewer to take a chance on a complete idiot, drug user, social justice warrior (never let them in your organization), slacker and piss poor employee.

So, let me make this crystal clear, judge. Life is about making judgments, but you need to be cautious and judicious with making decisions on potential employees. Typically, what you see is what you get when interviewing. The ones you don’t see carry the greatest risk, but we’ll save that for another day.

Below are some tried and true observations on candidates you should definitely pass on. At best, you have to spend additional hours you don’t have correcting them and, eventually you’ll be forced to fire them. At worst, you have the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) breaking down your door for a bullshit investigation, and that’s just the beginning. It only goes significantly downhill from that point on – i.e., lawsuits.

Only useless HR idiots and clueless blue pill men think the following is acceptable in an employee:

1. The Long Fingernail

I’m sure they just forgot to clip that one this morning.

I’m sure they just forgot to clip that one this morning.

Observation is important. In fact, it’s key to survival. You’d be surprised (or not) that HR departments just overlook that nasty long fingernail, guess it’s part of the interviewee’s culture. Nothing to see here.

But there is. Likely, they’re a drug user. There are probably other tell tale signs of drug abuse, but keep an eye out for the long fingernail. At the very least, they’ve got poor hygiene. A man with poor hygiene has his priorities off and doesn’t respect himself. If he doesn’t respect himself, he won’t respect you or your company’s mission. Pass.

2. Colored People

What’s the worst that could happen? No drama here.

What’s the worst that could happen? No drama here.

We all know taking a chance on hiring a woman is a risk anyway, but that discussion is another entire article. Women with unnaturally colored hair – you’d have to be a certified retard to hire them. Chances are they’re going to fuck multiple employees, try to seduce you, cause emotional upheaval within the office and cause chaos.

They’re not fully developed adults. What kind of adult with responsibilities, drive and ambition would look like that? The answer is simple. None. They’re perpetual children and, like actual children, do not belong in the workplace. Easy pass.

3. The Pierced Tongue

You probably make good decisions; after all, you have a tongue ring.

You probably make good decisions; after all, you have a tongue ring.

I had a woman come in for an interview and the position required outbound phone call monitoring of our call center. She was a married stay-at-home mom and had been out of the workplace for several years. Before she left her professional life behind, she had been modestly successful. Her resume was decent and the position was slightly above entry-level, so I took a chance on interviewing her. My spidey sense was already tingling.

What walked in my office was a disheveled woman in mom jeans and sporting a tongue ring. Moms with tongue rings make the best matriarchs, everyone knows that.

I passed on her and informed HR. The HR director was naturally an entitled black forty-year-old woman. In other words, worthless. But, I outranked her. She asked why I passed on her and I told her it was because she had a tongue ring, among other things. She sat back with a mild expression of shock on her face and then said, “Silas, you’re too old fashioned.”

I looked at her for a long while and then said, “Monica, you do know this position requires listening to the call center folks, right?” “Yes, of course” she said without hesitating. “Well, how do you think the folks on the floor are going to appreciate a girl with a tongue ring explaining that their phone presence was unprofessional?”

“I guess so, but I liked her” she said. Of course, she did. Another easy pass.

4. The Lord Of The Rings

Frightening.  This is from someone’s nightmare.

Frightening. This is from someone’s nightmare.

Pass. For God’s sake, please pass. Usually, someone wearing this many rings is batshit crazy. Believe in astrology? Check. Used to be a part-time beautician? Check. Has a lone white wolf baying at the moon mural on their van? Check.

Look them in the eyes and you can see the crazy just seeping through.

Any man that wears more than two rings is either a pretty boy dandy or moonlights as your neighborhood cross dresser. They have no business in your business.

5. My Kids Are My World

Sounds good, anything else?  Nope.

Sounds good, anything else? Nope.

HR likes to dictate to interviewers not to ask personal questions. Why? Because HR is stupid and worthless. So, ignore them, but approach this subject tactfully.

Finding out a potential hire’s personal beliefs, values and priorities is critical. You wouldn’t hire someone who revealed to you that they spend their weekends at a local commune and worship Gaia. To find these hidden gems, approach with care. It’s easy, but don’t bum rush it. Below is a snippet from someone I passed on:

“Max, what motivates you?” I asked.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean, like at home or at work, outside of…”

“I mean, what’s important to you? It can be a whole host of things that drives you to be successful, what are those things?” I explained.

“Well, my kids are my world” he responded back.

Then, silence. And more silence.

“Family is important Max, that’s for sure. Anything else?” I asked, hoping for more information. Something to illustrate to me that Max had a greater potential than playing piggy bank for his family. Nothing, that was it.

The problem was his kids were it and nothing else. The entirety of his life, aspirations, dreams and goals and his response is only “…my kids are my world.” Nothing to expound or explain, just a plastic Hallmark, and essentially, meaningless expression.

It’s a cop out and a pretty weak one at that. It’s designed to express family responsibilities, warmth and togetherness. It’s a woman’s response.

The job isn’t about warmth or family, it’s about getting the job done. It’s in black and white terms. Pass or fail. Win or lose. That warm and fussy family crap doesn’t mean a hill of beans when a board report is due.

Didn’t get that report to the board because your “world” had a cold or received out-of-school suspension and needed some special treatment? Well, that’s just too damn bad.

Conclusion

There are many more observations other than the ones detailed above to spot bad hires. In fact, one could write an entire book dedicated to the subject. But, these are what I like to call “hard truths,” they don’t feel good and they don’t pull any punches. They don’t bend or break. They hurt.

Don’t hire these people. They’re frail and damaged weaklings; let beta males hire these people, so it lessens your competition.

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