You Have To Learn To Love Rejection

If your ambition is to get good with girls, there’s one immutable law of game that you must recognize and accept right now – you will face rejection.

Unfortunately, even for the most experienced and best-looking players, rejection is simply an integral part of the process.

People have a natural tendency to avoid situations and feelings that are uncomfortable. If you put your hand in the fire, it’s going to hurt. Therefore our inclination is to protect ourselves as far as possible from adversity.

There’s no two ways about it – rejection is painful. When you walk up to a smoking hot girl, say hi and she ignores you, mumbles something and walks off, or worse insults you to your face, then you will feel terrible – at first. Why? Some game theorists link it back to our tribal requirement for acceptance. To get knocked back in prehistoric times meant excommunication from your social set, violence, or even death.

Of course, in the vast majority of normal interactions we face none of that today. But rejection remains a deep fear of many who are new to game, and even persists to some extent in those who’ve been macking chicks forever.

This is because when you approach a woman you are putting yourself on the line in a fundamental manner that is extremely unusual in any other area of life. Essentially, you are presenting yourself to another person and asking them to judge your fitness as a sexual prospect, even as a human being.

We live in a society where we are increasingly protected from taking personal responsibility. “Team work” is the norm, and if the team fails, then it’s not entirely your fault, right? PC culture with its insistence on egalitarianism posits that everyone is equal and that any failure is not the fault of the individual, but must be attributed to circumstances beyond his control – his upbringing, his social background and so on.

Suckling on the teat of these comfortable notions for most of our lives, we are encouraged to believe that when we don’t measure up it is someone else’s fault.

The Sexual Marketplace

Unfortunately, in the cruel arena of the sexual marketplace, there is nowhere to hide. Some people say that rejection in game is not personal. I am inclined to disagree. I think it is personal in many cases. True, she could be married or simply a bitch, but generally speaking if a girl turns you down, she does so based on the manner in which you present yourself – your personality, your looks, your dress sense. Your degree of masculine dominance – or lack thereof. You put yourself forward to be judged and you were found lacking.

Fortunately, the good news is that most of these things are within our control. If you’re out of shape, go to the gym. If your verbal game sucks, take an improv class. If you lack style, book an appointment with a personal shopper. And so on. These measures will improve your chances. But the law of averages being what it is, you will still face knock backs. Maybe you’re just not her type.

The point of this article is not to give you a pep talk – I’ve already done that here. The point is simply to make it clear that rejection is not only an inevitable part of the process, but it is also a desirable one. You should be facing rejection – you should be getting rejected every day. It is only through doing so that your game will improve, and by racking up the numbers that you will meet more women who are into you.

Knowledge is no substitute for action. You can read a hundred books and have learned discussions online spouting theory, but in the end, true game is putting yourself on the line. If you go to a club, stand around with a drink talking to your wings, and make a couple of half-assed, “hey, are you having a good night”-style “approaches” then you’re not really putting yourself on the line. You’re making the minimum effort.

What you need to be doing is walking up to girls displaying confident masculine dominance with the clear subtext that this is a man-to-woman interaction. You need to push for tangible outcomes – make-outs, phone numbers, sex. This is truly risking rejection as a man, this is putting yourself on the line, this is game. If she still turns you down, then fine, nothing lost and at least you’ve been congruent with yourself. You need to get to a mental place where you relish the challenge of being judged – where you come to crave the high-wire risk of loaded sexualized interactions.

Approach like you mean it, and approach frequently. These are the iron rules of Troy. You have to learn to love rejection. How? By recognising that by putting yourself on the line unequivocally, and by taking the greatest risks, you will achieve the greatest rewards. You may get knocked back, but at least it will be on your own terms. Anything less isn’t game but trolling, wasting both your time and hers.

Read More: You Must Push Each Interaction As Far as It Will Go