There are few absolute truths in this world. Before you condemn your culture for another, know what you are getting into. You are a gringo, more liberal than you realize. Deny your identity at your own risk.

This is a message of moderation to the manosphere about American and “western” women.

I am married to a Peruvian woman and I am happy. My wife brings my meals to the table. I do not ask to be served; I am served. The dishes, the laundry, the house-cleaning – she does it all. She cares for our baby every day. I change a diaper every other day or so (maybe 10% of total diapers). When we visit her family, her mother takes over these duties. As a man, I am expected to do none of this.

When I temporarily worked on a landscaping crew in St. Louis, I came home filthy and exhausted. My wife was horrified by my state, heartsick with concern. She insisted I remove my shoes so she could rub my dirty, sweaty feet. I would offer to shower first, but she would insist that I needed relief immediately.

It is not a free lunch. Every benefit comes with a cost.

Disclaimer: On the cultural spectrum, my wife ranks extreme on all the Latina stereotypes. So while my situation is rare, it also gives me the unique perspective to explain the virtues of gringa women.

The downsides you may not see

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Any woman who worships you emotionally and physically is not going to understand personal space. She is not going to be cool with your getting shit-hammered at the bar until 4 a.m. Believe all you want about your game, but a woman whose happiness and well-being depend on you, by definition, will not be happy with you having fun with others.

She will be jealous and possessive – two of the most typical traits of Latin women. If you think you can have a woman who will wash and press all your clothes before rubbing your disgusting feet after you cut the grass, and then passively sit by while you go out on a bender, you may be deluding yourself.

I know many gringos married to Latin women. Some of these husbands have the freedom to go out and do what they want, but those wives are relatively westernized and do not do 100% of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry work. My wife is the opposite, but “personal space” does not translate to Spanish. If I asked my wife to wipe my ass, she would do it. However, if someday I said I wanted to do it myself from now on, she would protest. It might be tough to get that job back.

Plenty of gringos meet up with me in Colombia or Peru. My wife insists on coming along. Her English has not always been up to par, so she would sit at the next table without understanding a word. She just wants to monitor the happenings, to make sure there are no other women in the picture, no flirtatious waitresses, no unexpected personalities. Some gringos are reading this right now and laughing, “I had a beer with Colin  [in Lima or Bogota or wherever] and his wife sat at the next table the whole time, not drinking or eating, she just sat and watched us talk!”

Maybe you do not want to take on the traditional roles for men. We attended a basketball game in Peru. It was the city championship game, and I used to play for one of the teams. All the players are my friends, and I was tuned into the action when my wife said she needed to go to the bathroom. Sure, go ahead.

Instead of going, she looked at me, waiting. Seated on my other side, her police officer father told me that I needed to accompany her to the bathroom, or he would. So I walked her down the steps, past the court in front of hundreds of spectators, and to the bathroom, where I waited outside for her to finish.

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That lesson reminded me of when I lived in Tucson, Arizona. I used to be at the downtown bus station a few times a week, and it was always crowded with Mexican-American youngsters. Coming from Missouri, it struck me how the young Mexican guys would always have their arm around their girlfriend. If not the arm draping, they would be holding hands or something – never just walking side-by-side like cold gringos.

Manosphere readers may call “BETA!” but understand you are judging from a liberal paradigm. My father-in-law explained, after we came back from the bathroom, that some other man could take my wife away. I doubt it, I countered. But it was no use. In a traditional family in a traditional society, males have gender roles too. You can try to fight it. You can also piss into the wind.

In the early days after shacking up, my wife sometimes asked for permission to go out with her friends after work. Being the liberal gringo I am, of course it was OK. I don’t care. She never went out on any of these occasions. She came home at the exact same hour as always every time she had requested prior permission (I now suspect she did this just to see what I would be doing).

I did not realize it at the time, but in effect, she ceased having friends. She still chats with them on Facebook, but they never meet. And her friends understand. In traditional cultures, family is life. Life is family. Any time spent with friends costs time with family. Maybe I have been in Latin America too long, but I have come around to seeing it this way too.

I have given up the idea of friends. I allow myself just once a month to meet up with a friend away from family. If a month passes without scheduling a hangout, I miss that month. No sweat. Are you willing to give up friends? Are you willing to spend seven days a week with your family?

Contrary to what you may believe about American women

The United States is a land of extremes. There are many obese American women, but American women are also the world’s fittest. While they may not be as overweight, the feminine Latina is not inclined to doing heavy barbell squats, power snatches, or burpees. After so much time in Latin America, seeing the athletic builds on women in the United States is always a surprise. Soccer, track-and-field, and CrossFit girls are a distinctly western breed.

Many American women want to be faithful wives and mothers. I lived with my college sweetheart for two years, a 100% American gringa. She was highly desired by other men and a social butterfly among women. She did the majority of the housework (I did a slightly less-than-fair share), and I had guys’ nights out. She had a gang of beautiful girlfriends whose mission in life was to get hitched and start families. All of her gang, including her, are married with children now.

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Before coming back to Peru, I worked at a bar where a Catholic group of young adults had a monthly party. I worked this group several times and was always taken aback by the girls – they were beautiful and healthy. Definitely not the type to be at hook-up bars. Certainly some have been seduced by a player somewhere along the line, but most seemed to be looking for a husband while learning the teachings of Thomas Aquinas over a beer (rarely more than one or two).

What the manosphere presents about American women is real, but so is my reality in America. And mine is significant. It is not small. Those American women are not just my ex and the girls from the Catholic drinking events. I have cousins, friends, friends of cousins, and cousins of friends who want to settle down with a man and be traditional wives.

These are American girls who will not insist on you spending seven days a week with your family. They will not flip out over every girl who leaves a comment on your Facebook update. They grew up with the same cultural influences you did.

It is no coincidence that some of the top manosphere writers hail from Washington, D.C. The American women I describe are not in places like DC, New York, or Los Angeles. They are in Missouri, Michigan, or Georgia. They are in the suburbs and red states. If you live in New York, you might have to venture out to Long Island. If you live in Chicago, try the burbs. If you are in California, you may just have to leave.

Furthermore, these women are not childless at 30 years old. They will have found men to start families with by that age. You have to find them in their early-to mid-20s. If you are over 35 and want a traditional American girl, you either need to devise a cradle-robbing strategy or settle for a single mother.

Before you believe the grass is greener on the other side, you would be wise to see your own backyard’s benefits. The neighbor’s may have weeds that you cannot see from your side.

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