Travel

February 15th, 2013

5 Best Countries Where It’s Great To Be A Criminal

Most men who read Return Of Kings would probably agree that the Western world is in terminal decline. As time goes on and things get worse, economic options will disappear. Despite their best efforts, many men who have played by the rules will find they have little opportunity to build a better future.

Turning to a life of crime is one possible solution for those with nothing left to lose. But, not all nations are equal when it comes to criminal law, women, and living standards. Men living in fascist police states might find it useful to move to a more crime-friendly nation. Let’s explore some of the best countries for men to pursue criminality.

I judged each country based on the following six criteria:

Attractive Women. Because being a crime boss is worthless without hot women.
Wealthy. You may as well be a criminal in a wealthy, comfortable, first-world country.
Weak Crime Laws. Sympathetic judges, light sentences, and no capital punishment.
Nice Prisons. Why should prison be hard? Pick a country with nice jails.
Strong Gun Laws. Because disarmed victims can’t fight back too much.
Immigrant Friendly. You don’t want to be killed in the streets by Neo-Nazis or police.

Here is a list of the five good countries to begin a criminal career:

1. Sweden

Sweden is wealthy, full of hot women, and friendly towards immigrants. It has very weak laws and cushy prisons. Guns are restricted, but freezing to death is a danger.

swedish

Swedish Prison. Like an Ikea store.

swedish-prison

2. Norway

Norway also has hot women and a very liberal attitude towards immigrants. This country has extremely weak criminal laws and some of the nicest prisons on the planet. Guns laws are very restrictive.

norway

Norwegian Prison. Ocean views.

norway prison

3. Canada

Canada is not exactly ideal, but it is lenient on its criminal immigrants. Stronger gun laws make it easier to find compliant victims. Quebec would be the best province to settle in, as it offers very attractive women. Canada is the best choice for criminals who want to stay in North America.

montreal

Quebec Jail. Not inviting, but not too bad.

quebec-prison

4. Austria

Austria has relatively attractive women and a strong economy. But Austria is very attractive due to weak criminal laws and amazing prisons. Neo-Nazis could make it dangerous for recent immigrants.

austrian

Austrian Prison. This is nicer than my house.

austria-prison

5. The Czech Republic

The Czech Republic is relatively wealthy and boasts attractive women. The Czechs are very lenient on crime, but their prisons are no joke. This country has weak gun laws. Citizens can lawfully carry concealed weapons, so be careful.

czech

Czech Prison. Not quite as nice.

czech-prison

Any one of these countries would be a strong choice for the man determined to commence his criminal career, and notice how they are mostly in Europe. Your plan to be a Colombian drug mule? You may want to scratch that.

Follow @returnofkings

About the Author

Halfbreed is an American writer. You can read his blog at Red Pill Game and follow him on Twitter.

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E

I’ve told me Norwegian girlfriend multiple times that I’d be better off as a murderer in her country than I am here in the U.S.
Nyk

If you’re a White Nationalist willing to use violence to further your political goals, Norway is definitely the place to be if you want your ideas heard and discussed by the general public. Andrew Berwick almost got superstar treatment.
- half caste
  
  when someone put his speech on youtube they took it down due to hate crime sperch
corvinus

I’ll second Canada. A Mountie once told me that criminals love Canada more than the USA because they don’t have anything like the USA’s FBI.
- sam sneaky
  
  that’s because canada isn’t a real country
Mr. Mitchell

Am I suppossed to take this post seriously? I think I can excel in the US without criminal behavior by embracing the dark triad.
- http://lifestylearchitekt.blogspot.com.au Architekt
  
  Soon enough possessing any of the triad traits will be criminal behaviour
Filed

Even if, I find it a bit fucked up to advocate being a piece-of-shit of society. Quite frankly even the USA has easy laws on scum-bags, and there is nothing, I mean nothing that turns a really hot looking american female on then a prison record. In fact I almost advocate pretending to be an ex-con when speaking with an american chick. However actually becoming one is simply not correct. I am going to assume this post is a joke.
Spider58x

Notice that the first 3 are completely infected with Feminism, Political Concreteness, and Huge Government Control.
V

This is a nice piece to contemplate, but the author clearly didn’t take things like extradition or deportation into account.

Who’s to say an American expat in Sweden who gets caught doing something enough won’t just be deported back to the States if he proves to be too burdensome an offender?
Armenian

If you want to commit white collar crime, do it in Canada. You’ll only get a slap on the wrist. Maybe 2 years at most.
Mage

Its roughly so: The higher the feminism and liberal political correctness the more criminals are excused and lawful and obidient hred working citizens are underrated and even punished for good deeds.
Senior Beta

C’mon guys. This is satire. And pretty funny. So as long as you are okay with dealing with feminists and freezing your asses off, you can make it like Al Pacino in the drug dealer movie.
Red Pill

Canada left Europe. This happened some time ago.
http://www.twitter.com/notzampano Zampano

The Austrian example is a man jawed 0/10 WNB.
Dave

And what’s the best crime to commit in these countries? Counterfeiting. It’s highly lucrative, safe, non-violent, and the penalties are very light. It took Canadian master counterfeiter Wesley Weber four convictions to finally get a five-year prison sentence.

If you print enough fake money, you’ll be praised for “saving the banking system” and “stimulating the economy”, and chosen as TIME’s Person of the Year 2009.
- Samseau
  
  Win.
half caste

yeah
surry jacks be hustlin bud in bc eh.
austria ..i think in time the younger migrants will be able to hold their own on the agin neo nazis
Jeff Titzen

Did the homo G write this? One picture, please dude. One picture of you in a custom suit or proof that you didn’t just scour yelp or frommers for your data sheets would go a long way towards showing (and disproving) that you aren’t just an epic troll.
Markus

About Norway and foreigners (this is information gleaned from my Norwegian-American extended family and from internet penpals in Norway). Norwegians honor civility, manners, and humility, so you can walk around there in a sweatsuit made out of american stars n’ stripes with a shit-eating grin, acting like a damn clown, not knowing a single word of norwegian, and the locals will say hi and give you directions if you ask (a lot of them speak english, at least in the cities).

But on the inside, they are pretty pissed off at “invaders” – people who immigrate there and take advantage of their generous social safety nets but refuse to adopt norwegian customs and speak the language and get a damn job. Norwegians can be a bit clique-y, so as a foreigner you need to work hard to bridge the gaps in culture and language or you’ll just wind up bitching about how your old country was better in some expatriate-friendly bar. Norway is getting a big influx of immigrants from faraway places who refuse to integrate, I seem to recall they are receiving an especially large number of pakistanis. The whole situation is kind of like turks in Germany around the year 2000, or mexicans in Arizona today, or italians in New York City in the early 1900s.

I’m not saying that pakistani or turkish or mexican or _____ culture is inferior to ours, but I think we can all agree that it’s unreasonable to expect to be able to move permanently to a country radically different from your own without integrating. That kind of stark, defiant multiculturalism creates tension, to say the least.
- half caste
  
  doesnt always have to..since migrants been showin upto the west they been discrimated sgainst since the 60s.now we seea backlash since they concentrate in major cities only
beta_plus

I love the idea, but I think that a little more research is necessary to determine a truly optimal group of countries.
anon123

well this website went downhill quick
The biz

decent article. Would the US extradite a US/Canadian citizen for larceny in some of these countries??
TheRookie

Haha great troll. Hopefully this list makes media headlines in those countries
Vicious

Very odd article. I’m assuming it’s some kind of passive-aggressive jab from the far right at judical systems where the focus is on rehabilitation rather than punishment. It seems to utterly miss the point that all the above countries have far less crime rates than nations that have more draconian law systems.

You’d have to be pretty deeply bunkered in your political beliefs to not make the connection, so I suspect this article is simply intellectually dishonest.
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macDamon

Where is Russia?!