Inner Game or Outer Game – Which Should You Work On First?

Back when I became interested in “game” as a discipline distinct from simply going out and hitting on women, something called “routines’ were very much in vogue. Popularized by Neil Strauss’s The Game, routines were the gambits men would use to initiate and advance conversations with women in the hope of attracting them. They included jokes, stories, psychological tests, and even magic tricks. Guys would log into internet forums keen to learn and share the latest tips.

Having tight game back then really amounted to being able to “stack routines” – that is, to structure a set, building set-piece upon set-piece, until hopefully the girl was interested enough to allow you to escalate further.

But discussion on men’s forums began to concentrate more on self-improvement as people came to realize that no matter how slick their lines, if they didn’t have some tangible value to back them up, they would soon be stymied. This interest in personal development was a precursor to the manosphere as we know it today, with guys learning from each other on topics as diverse as finance, weight training, nutrition, fashion and lifestyle design.

You would imagine that these information streams in tandem – i.e. pick-up and self-improvement – would provide a very useful resource and you’d be right. But a problem arises when guys privilege one over the other, either spending their whole time learning pick-up to the detriment of their wider life, or the opposite.

One of the most common things you will hear newbies or those who have not had a great deal of success with women yet say is “I’m not really going out at the moment – I’m working on my inner game.” So persistent is this excuse that it has become something of a cliché.

Decision Time

So what is best – to work on your inner game or your seduction skills? One will make you a more rounded, successful individual. The other, if mastered, could score you a lot of pussy.

It depends exactly what your ambitions are. You must be honest with yourself. If you are not particularly bothered about women, or are happy to forgo the pleasures they bring until you are established as a man, then by all means concentrate all of your energies on your inner game. Many at ROK would argue that this is the best course of action anyway.

Be careful of your motives, though. If your actual but concealed hope is that you will attract women simply by becoming a better man through self-improvement, then I’m afraid there are no shortcuts. You need to learn game.  Concentrate on the externals – at least for a while. The reason for this is simple – unless you become famous, no matter how much you build up your self-esteem, business, or even your body you will still need to learn how to approach and interact with girls.

The sad truth is that in the cruel world of the sexual marketplace it is the externals – your behavior, the way you carry yourself, and yes, the way you look – that counts. I have friends who are very wealthy who go to clubs and leave alone because they have no game. I have friends who are exceptionally good looking. For them meeting women is slightly easier – they get more of a pass for error – but they still rarely get approached and when they do they must know how to keep the conversation going and escalate in order to get consistent results.

Of course, the ideal scenario is that you work on your inner and outer game simultaneously. But if you are new and looking to get good with women, then I would advise that you put the latter first, for a while at least. It will strengthen your skillset, and you will find that you are naturally more inclined to improve other aspects of yourself as you grow.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should learn outdated, silly routines. What it does mean is that you should start going out consistently (either day or night, or both) and get used to having conversations with women where you are pushing for tangible outcomes – a phone number, a kiss, or more. This must be done hundreds of times before proficiency is acquired. Note that this is not about ‘pedestalising pussy – it’s about becoming a man empowered with choice in his sex life.

Only when you are comfortable in this particular area of your life should you pull back, reassess and turn the focus of your attention to other things.

Read More: Sorry, But Attraction Alone is Not Enough