Life can be hustle and bustle, balancing work, school, gym, volunteering, attending events, etc. A life full of planning and organizing. It may feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete these tasks, so one sacrifices sleep, time, and money to have things done efficiently. Add that to maintaining friends, family, a significant other and a harem, and he can have a world full of stress.
Many are fixated on the past and future. It makes sense because what you experienced in the past made who you are today, and what you do now determines your future.
You get good grades so that you can graduate and get a good job. You study game books so you can better approach women. You eat clean and attend the gym to maintain a healthy body. You work extra hours so you could buy a nice car, clothes, and shoes, to show off to friends and female prospects. You work hard so that one day, in the future, you will be happy. You are constantly running, looking for that happiness. So you are miserable at this moment.
Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh spoke lengths about it. The present moment is where you are happy, content, alive and free. Being free means you are without worry, jealousy, fear, sadness or regret, symptoms that manifest from dwelling on the past or future.
You hope you get that cute chick’s number to eventually bed her – so you worry. You hope that your game is tight enough to make her head over heels for you. You get a degree in liberal arts only to find you cannot find a decent job – so you regret. You had hopes that you and your little snowflake were to live happily ever after, to find out she cheated on you – so you get sad. You hope your life is not like the past, so you work on your future; you hope your life is not like the future, so you dwell on the past. All the while you are missing the present moment.
For some, the present moment seems like a hedonistic experience binging on food, liquor, drugs and sexual activity. They say, “who gives a fuck!? Just live it up!” or “You’re going to die anyway, you might as well have fun!” They awake the next day in regret, being worse off the moment they did it. T
he present moment is about mindfulness, which is all about doing things in a healthy yet practical way. But only now is the time you can find change. Yes, you need to budget your bills to avoid debt, or eat so you will live another day, but each of these tasks should not be a task, rather a joyous action. There is a difference, since living for the present moment versus living in the present moment are two separate thoughts.
The person who lives “for” the moment does himself a disservice. He trudges through work, school, and errands to get ready for the clubs and bars. He says to himself “finally,” when at these clubs and bars, that he can live “for” the moment. A lawyer who lives “for” the moment is unable to live presently on his time off until he is doing something that he personally enjoys doing, like reading a book, golfing, or talking about the case with colleagues. He seems to be present with the things he enjoys, but never present with everything else.
The person who lives “for” the moment orders a boat load of junk food, only to regret it later that night where he is sick with weight gain. The person who lives “for” the moment does not live fully or mindfully in the moment. He is selective with who, what, when, where and how he wants to be present. His practice is inconsistent and unhealthy.
The person who lives “in” the moment does well for himself. He is thankful for everything in the present. He may not be the wealthiest man, but he has food in his stomach, and a roof over his head. He may not have a wardrobe full of new and brand name clothing, but he does have clothes and shoes that still fit him.
When he walks in the park, he manages to take in and enjoy everything. For example, the sounds of the birds chirping, the swaying of the trees and the ripples of the lake. When he eats, he takes his time to notice everything in that moment. Living “in” the moment he uses only his senses.
The man who lives this way is the happiest, and is free from anxiety, depression, and sickness. The man who lives “in” the moment believes he is wealthy, because he notices his arms, legs, toes, fingers, eyes and ears are luxuries. This man is content, since he sees positivity and beauty in every situation he is present in. His practice is consistent and healthy.
How does this help with meeting women? A man who lives “for” the moment has less success with women than a man who lives “in” the moment. The man who lives “for” the moment’s interaction is affected by his past and present, while the man who lives “in” the moment is enjoying everything in the present, no matter if it doesn’t fulfill his intrinsic value of fun or enjoyment.
He enjoys the music, food, laughter or the woman who he’s conversing with. He is playful with this woman, and living with reckless abandon. You are most attractive “in” the moment, and more importantly, you are living the best for yourself.
Read More: How Buddhism Can Help Your Game